ON THE PORCH WITH AUNT EFFIE
"Hey there Ellie, how ya doing" I called as Ellie came sashaying down my street. "Come on up and sit a spell and we'll have a nice little visit."
"I don't have much time, Aunt Effie, I have some shopping to do and then I have a doctors appointment this afternoon. So I can only visit for a short spell."
"Sit there in my old rocker, its more in the shade. Just mind the broken arm, still a comfy seat, just a little old and worn like me." I invited.
"Don't mind if I do" replied Ellie, "the heat is already terrible."
"This heat is nothing like the hot spell we had in "45", I allowed. "We were so hot that we could hardley tend to the farm chores."
"Hmmm", Ellie replied.
"We didn't have this new fangled air conditioning, we had to suffer through it. Would you care for a glass of ice tea, Ellie?" I asked.
"That would be right refreshing, Aunt Effie, thank ya."
"Ellie, did you hear about that Earl Hastings, he went and got married again."
"You don't say" replied Ellie.
"I don't know what the old fool was thinking, why that girl is barely 35, if shes a day. And I know for a sure fact that old Earl is niegh on to 70. Cause he was just a few years younger than my John."
"You know I think your right Aunt Effie, he is close to that age, cause he went into the army about the same time as my Donald," said Ellie.
"I know I'm right Ellie, you can just imagine what kind of marriage that will be! Darned ole fool, should have married someone his own age."
"Who is the young chit that he married?" Asked Ellie.
"That Wilson girl, the oldest one, what was her name, let me think........ oh yes I believe it's Donna. The one with the bright red hair."
"What in the world would that pretty young thing want with that old geezer Earl?" Asked Ellie.
"Well, I guess we'll never know seeing as how old Earl never talks to us anymore. Not since my John passed has he ever came by. Darndest man I ever did see about holding onto a grudge."
"Hee Hee, I guess we showed him a thing or two, didn't we Aunt Effie?"
"Well old fool should of known better than to try and pull the wool over the towns eyes. After all this is a small town and we don't let things pass like they do in the big cities."
"That sure was a funny sight, Earl running down main street after you, hollaring and screaming like his pants were on fire." Smiled Ellie.
"Ha Ha, I hadn't run that fast since I was a school girl."
"He almost caught you on second street, if you hadn't ran into the ladies room in Mason's drugstore, I hate to think what would have happened."
"Ellie, you know yourself that the ladies room is the only safe place to hide from an angry man."
"John was really up in the air about that little stunt of ours." said Ellie.
"Your right about that Ellie, it took him two weeks to start talking to me again, and three years before he would admit that it was funny. Men are strange like that, they won't own up to the fact that a woman can get the best of a man."
"My Donald didn't stay mad that long, and he could see the humor in the situation from the start."
"Well your Donald was always a little different than most men, he would laugh at anything."
"Thats true enough, Donald always saw the funny side of things, but when you pulled Earls new rug off his head and threw it at me, I was sure he would burst his sides laughing."
"I wanted you to pass it on up the church aisle, so that it would make it's way up to the pastor, I thought maybe the sermon would be changed to vanity. But when you threw it back at me, I had no choice but to stuff it in my purse until after the service."
"Donald stopped me, he said he would not have me making a scene in church. And I guess old Earl felt the same way, cause he didn't try to get it back until after the service."
"That was the fastest that I ever got out of church, and thank goodness, cause I needed the head start. That Earl ran pretty fast him self."
"Course you kind've made Dave Mason mad when you flushed the rug down the comode, and flooded the drugstore," added Ellie.
"Well, I just thought it would end the chase if I didn't have the evidence on my person."
"The chase was ended when the pastor showed up and talked old Earl out of the drugstore, and back to the church."
"John was a little put out when he got the plumbers bill , and then when the bill came from Dave Mason for the damage to the boxes of kotex that he had sitting on the floor right outside the ladies bathroom, well my John just blew his stack. I tried to tell him that Dave was at fault, cause he shouldn't have had the boxes on the floor in the first place. They should have been on the shelves."
"I remember as how John didn't show his face in Mason's for six months, everyone was calling him the kotex man."
"Shame how some folks won't let somethings go, just like ole Earl. Just won't forgive and forget."
"Aunt Effie, you will never get Earl to forgive you, and you can be sure he'll never forget you.
I really must get on with my shopping, it's 10:00 am and the day is half gone. I will see you later."
"Mercy, is it that late, you best get on with your bussiness, and I have some mending to do. I won't keep you any longer and do come by for a chat soon.
Well, look who's coming down the street now, "Hey, Mary Mason, want on earth are you doing out in this heat?"
Judith A. Kiser �