<B>Stories and poems gleaned from other sources, but still hospice appropriate

Stories and poems gleaned from other sources, but still hospice appropriate <B>Stories and poems gleaned from other sources, but still hospice appropriate

Here is an article copied from an Guideposts Magazine:

His Mysterious Ways
by Stephen G. Gladish
Tuscon, Arizona

In 1992, my sister Joy was fighting her final battle against cancer. I wanted Joy to go into a hospice, but she didn�t want to leave her home. I couldn�t be with her constantly. God, who will watch over her?:

Joy and I had come from a medical family. Mom was a nurse. Dad was a small-town GP in Glenview, Ill., 20 miles north of Chicago. His concern for his patients was legendary; he often made house calls without being summoned. Sometimes Joy and I had felt overlooked, longing for the attention he seemed to reserve for his patients. But no matter how busy he�d been all we, Dad stood on the basement stairs every Sunday morning, polishing his shoes for church.:

I called Dr. Marilyn Croghan, Joy�s radiologist, hoping she could convince Joy to move into a hospice. �Your father called also,� she said. �He wants Joy to come live with him when we�ve done all we can medically . . . � Her beeper went off, and the doctor was abruptly called away before I could correct her.:

Three days later Joy died at home. I called Dr. Croghan to thank her for all she�d done. Then I mentioned the phone call. �It had to be someone else,� I said.:

�He distinctly said he was Joy�s father,� Dr. Croghan insisted. �He talked about her case and understood all the medical details--as if he were a doctor too.�:

And then I knew God had provided the reassurance I needed. Dad died in 1967, but he still watched over his children.

Get me to the church on time . . . Here�s a hospice-type story from Reader�s Digest (2/95). . .�A woman inquiring about overnight service from New Jersey to California called the small package-carrier company where I work. I assured her the package would arrive by morning and then asked about the contents. She said it contained her Uncle Albert�s ashes. �I�m sorry, ma�am,� I said. �We don�t carry human remains.� �Oh, but you have to!� she replied with urgency. �He�ll miss his funeral!�� Danielle Ruggiero

Shop �til you drop? . . . . Here�s an obituary from a recent edition of Ft. Worth Star Telegram:

�Thelma B., a secretary for William R. Realtors for the past five years, died Tuesday at a Fort Worth hospital. She was 55.:

Funeral will be at 10 a.m. today at Laurel Land Funeral Home in Fort Worth. Burial will be in Laurel Land Memorial Park.:

Mrs. B. was born in Pearl, Ill, and lived in Fort Worth for 25 years.:

She enjoyed shopping.�:
Maybe we could all go to Hulen Mall after the funeral and �shop till we drop� in her honor?

Husband reincarnated as egg timer

LONDON - A British man has been reincarnated as an egg timer in a bid to make his widow smile every time she boils an egg.

Malcolm Eccles, 50, died in February of bowel cancer and his ashes are now stored in a glass egg timer in his family's kitchen. :

"I can't boil a soft egg to save my life. He knew that and said I should turn some of his ashes into an egg-timer then he could help me and it would be a nice way of remembering him," his wife Brenda told reporters on Monday. :

"Malcolm was as daft as a brush. He had a good sense of humor which he kept right through to the end," she added. :

The egg timer, which empties in under a minute, was made by a specialist glassblower in south London.:

Here�s an entry from the Fort Worth Star Telegram on Friday January 16, 1998:

"According to interviews conducted by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the last deathbed utterance of tavern owner Anthony J. Golembiewski, 83, in August was "one, six, nine, five." Family members were puzzled, but one decided to buy a lottery ticket with the numbers. The ticket won $23,500. Said Golembiewski's widow, "Andy, you even paid for your own funeral.":

And the message should be, we should always pay attention to messages sent by our dying patients.

Undertaker gets ticket for hearse

PALERMO, Sicily (Reuters) - An undertaker was fined for parking his hearse at an angle to the curb outside a church where he was waiting to collect a coffin, Italian news agency ANSA reported on Thursday.

Mimmo Maniscalco was fined 107,000 lire ($60) for "leaving a car unattended after failing to park it as close as possible and parallel to the edge of the road."

"The traffic warden wouldn't see sense," Maniscalco said. "I had to hold up the funeral procession while I finished making my statement."

Woman Lives Two Years With Dead Mother
Updated 8:42 AM ET August 18, 1999:
VIENNA (Reuters) - An Austrian woman lived two years with her dead mother wrapped up in a carpet because she could not face parting with her, a newspaper said Tuesday. The corpse was discovered by chance when a policeman visited the apartment in central Vienna to collect the 59-year-old secretary's car license plates for unpaid insurance, the daily Kurier said. There he was hit by an overpowering stench which the woman attributed to the restaurant next door.

Woman Lives With Dead Husband for Four Months:

April 7, 2000:

MUNICH, Germany (Reuters) - An elderly woman lived at home with her husband lying dead in bed for four months before he was found by police alerted by a worried relative. Munich police said Thursday the 76-year-old man had apparently died of natural causes in December. His sister had finally turned to the police after his wife had repeatedly told her by telephone he did not want to see visitors.

A sad bit of news. . .

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was given one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded.":

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.:

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.:
Reply from Ann RN::

I had heard he was the plaintiff in a lawsuit against the Pillsbury company for internal injuries suffered when at the end of each commercial a large finger was thrust into his abdominal region. I wonder if this was the real cause of death--a yeast infection sounds suspicious to me as the cause of death. I smell conspiracy, the power bakers were running scared.

Teacher dies after own memorial service in Calif.:
SANTA ROSA, Calif. (Reuters) - A beloved former high school teacher attended his own memorial service with 200 relatives, friends and former students -- and then died quietly two days later.

E.B. Sugars, 66, regarded his presence Saturday at what amounted to his own funeral as "one of the high points of my life," his daughter Stephanie told Tuesday's Santa Rosa Press Democrat.

Sugars, who suffered from advanced lung cancer, had feared that he would not be well enough to attend Saturday's pot-luck celebration of his life. But he managed to appear at the unusual memorial service, and laughed and smiled as members of the crowd stood up to relate their own personal stories of his life.

"He summoned his energy and he did it," Stephanie Sugars said. "Then he came home and lay down, and that was that."

Sugars died early Monday, and his family will honor his wishes by holding no further services.

Stephanie Sugars said that her father, who taught school for 37 years and was an ardent writer, taught her three important lessons during his life. "Life is bigger than it seems. People make the world go around. And humor can be found in any situation," she said.

THE HOSPICE NURSE: A SIGN OF LIVING HOPE (A Self-Reflection)
By Janice Brown, RN, M.Div. Hospice Nurses� Association

WHO I am is as important and instrumental as what I do.
It is when I am highly skilled and deeply attuned that I do my best work.
It is when I integrate my practice and my presence that I truly practice the art of nursing-the art of Hospice Nursing.
I bring to the patient and family more than I often realize.

I know that:
. . . IF I bring confidence-they are less afraid.
. . . IF I bring compassion-they are comforted.
. . . IF I bring sensitivity-they know I care for them.
. . . IF I bring listening skills-they experience being heard.
. . . IF I bring creativity-they know possibilities.
. . . IF I bring a centered and peace-filled presence-they touch the spiritual in time and space.
. . . IF I bring information-they feel respected and involved.
. . . IF I assist in setting goals-they experience direction.
. . . IF I respect their need for control-they experience dignity and freedom.
. . . IF I reach out and touch-they know they are not alone.
. . . IF I keep my promises to remain until the end-they know someone will always be walking with them.
. . . IF I admit that I don�t always understand or have answers-the recognize me as human like themselves.
. . . IF I do all I can to relieve pain-they know they can be hopeful.
. . . IF I explore meaning with them-they experience a special quality of life-the quality of their unique existence.

AND . . . IF I permit my professional skills to mingle with my human awareness and experience, my sense of self is enhanced, and I experience that wonderful, unexpected, and mysterious moment in which what I do and who I am flow as one-then science and art mingle, and I am a powerful medium for healing both in life and in death.

The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
[email protected]

Victoria
A Story To Live By
by Ann Wells (Los Angeles Times)

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion.":

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.:

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.:

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom.:

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'.:

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing-I'll never know. :

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good Friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.:

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special.:

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.

The Most Caring Child

The neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed into his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Submitted by Kenda LMSW, and her sister

How to get to the Cemetery

The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no other planes available. So, they sent the general's remains by helicopter, arriving at 5 a.m.

The newspapers reported the incident with the headline: "The Whirly Bird Gets The Urn." www.keepAhead.com

www.Stitches.net 5/28/98:
Three Nurses and a Genie:
Submitted by FishnHoney:

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished stone jewelry.:

"I am 'Gina the Great'," states the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.:

The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.:

The floor nurse: "I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.:

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.:

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break.":

More Sad News
* This is pretty sad news. I really was not expecting to hear this today in my e-mail. *
�I don't usually pass on news like this because I know how busy you are. Sometimes we have to pause and truly remember what life is about. So I will pass on this sad, sad news.. There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and...well, you know the rest.�

Where is your wife?

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much.

One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.

�Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?" The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours. After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"

"She went to the cemetery," he replied.

�And when is she coming?"

"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now."

Death of a Husband

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered then a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

Part I.

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

Part II. This actually happened to Lori, Hospice RN, who covers Granbury, Weatherford, and Mineral Wells.

She was many miles from a bathroom one afternoon (probably hadn�t had a bathroom break all day) and was headed home for a clean bathroom. She was in a bit of a hurry to get there, and as luck would have it, was pulled over for speeding. When she explained that she was a hospice nurse in need of a bathroom, she was released without receiving a ticket! (Don�t try this in the city; I don�t think that excuse will work with the city police!)

The Loving Wife

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those"! she said. "They're for the funeral".

Could have happened?

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."

Could have happened . . . Part II

(Made popular by Sandy B, Hospice RN, who was known to say to the on call Team Director, "If I'm up, I figure everybody's up.")

Penny, a good Assessment nurse was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. She reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, she told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When she got home and told her husband of what she had seen and done.

Her husband asked, "Was the patient that bad?"

Penny said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only sucker called out on a night like this."

LOCAL MAN FOUND DEAD
A local man was found murdered in his home in Galveston, Texas over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and corn flakes, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.

Police suspect a cereal killer

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