Grief Support on the Internet
When my son Shane was murdered, I was thrown into an unknown and scarey world. Very few of my friends, although they were supportive could understand what I was going through. I did have two friends who had lost children and they helped me so much.
I went to counseling and a support group. And even though they were both very good, they weren't enough. My counselor had not lost a child and my support group only met once a month, I needed more. You have no control over when the bad times will hit you or the hopelessness will try to over take you. Where could I get support twenty-four hours a day? I knew there had to be other mothers out there hurting like me. It took a while, but I found my answer on the internet, my computer has become a lifeline to me.
I found support on message boards and in chatrooms with other mothers who had lost children. Some had even lost their children the same way I lost Shane. We refer to ourselves as Angel Moms. We also call ourselves sisters, because that is what we are, sisters in pain. We are all in different stages of our grief. With a group of this size, there is always someone up when someone else is down to offer comfort, support and encouragement. If someone is having a hard time in the middle of the night, they can call a group member and let her know, that causes a chain reaction of phone calls and as many of us that can, get online and help this mom anyway we can. We have twenty-four hour support, someone is almost always online because of our different time zones, we are scattered from California to New York.
On the weekend of Jan. 22, I flew to Las Vegas and met part of the group. It was one of the most beautiful experiences. It was not like meeting strangers, but family, we have a very special bond. We shared pictures, mementos and stories of our children.
All my support does not come from just my group, I have met other wonderful moms. On the 19th of this month, I am meeting one of the first moms that I met online, she is flying here for the weekend. She is not a member of my moms group. Debbie has been a very special friend to me since I met her; we have helped each other through some really rough times. We share a bond through the loss of our sons; Shane and Josh brought us together through their deaths. We consider our friendship a gift from our boys.
I have heard horror stories about the internet, but my experience has been great. I don't know where I would be without these wonderful caring ladies.
Some of my friends and I have created a website for parents who have lost children. It has a messageboard, e-mail contacts and grief links. The site is called "Parents of Angels." We hope through this site and olike it, other parents can find support too. After losing a child, the road we walk is a hard one, but it helps so much when we don't have to walk it alone.
Judi Walker
Denham Springs-Livingston Parish News
Feb. 14, 1999
