This letter sequence was actually sent between me and Reeve. I must warn you... The reaction is not for the faint of heart. You've been warned...
Reeve wrote to me on October 13, 2003:
yo judah,
sorry, the email i sent u about 5 seconds ago was
a computer error. On another note, your latest website
is a work of comic genius, but my computer sound is
disfunctional so I didnt hear the music. lowells ok
except my english teacher is the female version (i
mean, male version) of chissari.NO PUN INTENDED.the
only problem is there arent any judahs to make fun of
her. im sorry to say that your right about the fact
that i didnt blow anything up, but who needs that fun
when i can open a web page to see chissari's big
bulbous,contorted head staring back at me.
write back and keep making web sites,
REEVE(a.k.a. short dude)
In an act of inspired lunacy, I responded on October 17, 2003:
We cordially regret to inform you that the one you refer to as "Judah" was captured and held hostage by the vicious yet withdrawn Canadian army last week. I am Jorge "The Moose", Canadian PR agent. Instead of his one phone call, "Judah" requested to respond to your email. He says that blowing up mailboxes (a capital offense up here in Canada and in the Mongolian work camp where we're holding him captive) is always a viable option to being a good citizen, and is glad to hear that you're trying, dont'cha know. He also says that although he may never know your English teacher, he is pleased to announce that since it is superficial appearance, not what's inside, that actually matters, he'd be perfectly happy to mock, edit, and blackmail whatever you give him... As he was then forced to return to his vigorous chained to a wall routine, he was then forced to leave without annexing any additional text to this email. I do, however agree with your description of your ex-math teacher. His head is rather like an eggplant, isn't it? Well, I depart, so in closing, I would like yooou to remember Canadian graffiti - Obey the rules.
Cordially Yours,
"The Moose." Canadian agent #25095691 and 1/2
Reeve was shocked speechless. Judge me as you will. I suppose my only defense is a legal precedent: Richard Nixon's famous comment, "I am not a crook!"