Mmm-hmm…OK. Do we have stupid, useless rules to demonstrate our power for us? OK. Check. How about poor working conditions—right. No breaks or any of that stuff. Good. Yes, only one every five hours. Now, onto the most important part: are our workers underpaid? Make sure they realize that they don’t mean squat to us. Right, we could get rid of them and be just as well off. Very well, then I guess we’re set. Now onto this customer value card…we need to know what people are buying! Kroger is an evil company Hell-bent on destroying society and making any extra penny they can while reinforcing the values of Communism in each individual shopper’s life and Kroger should be brought down with a massive quickness.

First, Kroger’s view on its customers and employees is astonishing. The way they (the company) treat the customers (who are always discontent with the service, do what they can to spend the lowest amount of money, and just plain badmouth the store and managers behind their back) is a stark contrast to the treatment of the very people running the place; these people aren’t the managers and supervisors, but the people in the very roots of Kroger’s "paper-thin profit." People like me, and those who didn’t much care to go to college. We are the people holding this massive conglomerate up and we are the ones that seem to give people the most enjoyment from being pissed on. A statistic from the Kroger training program: each customer brings the Kroger Company about $5,000 and each employee with less than 16 years of age only makes a maximum of about $2,000 and gives them a maximum of 17 hours per week of their lives (Kroger Company). At a customer’s best performance (according to Kroger), 3 employees are worth 1 customer. It has to raise some questions; for example, why am I making what I make? Another beautiful example of the king-like treatment the employees of Kroger receive is in the following story. It was the middle of summer, and James was growing a little dehydrated from an hour of carts, and the Kroger Co. had just taken the privilege of free 8-ounce bottles of water away because it was being abused (some people were taking more than one per day). James decided to buy a Big-K Cola with his last remaining quarter to quench his thirst. After only a few sips, some heavy-set woman came outside and made him throw it away before taking one more drink of it. Why!? It has nothing to do with anything; instead, it was just another arbitrary order from the co-manager, who must have gotten bored.

If Kroger’s tyrannical view of its employees isn’t enough to rattle your cage, let’s shift our focus to the economical aspects of the company. Advertisements are everywhere—on the floor, the carts, hanging from the ceiling, the doors, the windows, the parking lot, billboards, the radio; there is no escape. Years ago, three people (Billy Walshe, Brian Salzbach, and James Galloway) worked together under Kroger’s rule and created a minor ritual—minute 56, each hour, this ritual began—the commercial for French’s mustard would come on over SmartSource Radio (tagged by the infamous "Smile, you’ve got French’s!" line) and the three boys would rejoice…it was that milestone in the day that meant they were one hour further into the workday since the last time the commercial played. That is what it is like: you become so conditioned to hearing commercials there and seeing them and being force-fed discount prices and unimportant things like that, that you simply cease to resist it. Your body and ears and eyes just give in, like a lamb fighting a wolf. Next, we have the Kroger Plus Card. Kroger knows what is being bought, by whom and at what address and phone number; and, if someone refuses to use it, who cares? They swindle an extra two dollars out of that person on a pint of ice cream. Way to go Kroger, you Fascists. If you set out to achieve near-global control, you’ve certainly achieved your goal. Hey, why not just station a Kroger ‘supervisor and financial consultant’ in every American home? It might help your sales go up .000001%. One thing I’m very happy to report about Kroger is how they seem to spout "paper-thin profit" more often that what might be safe. I don’t believe this "paper-thin profit" can be attributed to my laughable hourly wages. For some reason, it’s just incomprehensible that a company is about to go under when they’re hesitant to give me a $.10 raise after I’ve worked there for more than two years. It’s just not adding up. It could be safe to assume that there is some sort of Mafia connection/drug ring beneath the skin of this evil corporation.

In addition to the view on employees and the economic aspects, we have the customers. These people seem to have some kind of mental block that disallows them to see when my eyes are beginning to roll back into my head and my spine is malfunctioning in such a way that I can only violently shake behind my terminal while they shout about brownie mix. These people are monsters. They have no sense of reason. Each customer needs the attention one would normally give to a four-year-old with ADD and a pocket knife. Sure, it’s understandable that you are there to work and take orders like a drone, but there is only so much one can take before his/her fingers latch themselves onto a plastic bag and pull it over the head of the customer in question. There is a reason God allows people to grow old instead of dying just as the need for diapers comes along again: that reason is Tuesday. Without senior citizens, there would be no need for Senior Tuesdays; without Senior Tuesdays, there would be no Kroger. What a tragedy. Senior citizens (the politically correct term for "old people") are incoherent, self-centered, and completely unaware of other people or what is going on around them. Even if they did have sort of vague clue as to where they are, or the massive number of people they regularly upset, they wouldn’t care. They’re old. That’s all there is to it. You don’t argue with that. Our prayers go out to those in the Florida Kroger. The biggest part of retail or grocery stores is feigning happiness. It’s a necessity, of course. The smile of a typical Kroger employee is the pent up rage and sorrow painfully twisted backwards...their fake smile and false concern for customers’ daily problems is only fueled by their hatred for the customers and those very problems. Kroger employees are being taught to habitually lie, then smile about it.

Kroger has robbed too many people of their livelihood and happiness and should be brought down with a violent and ferocious quickness. They have shoved their advertising down our throats, robbed us of either our privacy or money, and just plain aggravated its employees to the point of massive revolt (or panic attacks). I am urging anyone hearing this to take a stand against this empire of hatred, unhappiness, and slavery.