The year is 2027. My stomach is growling, I really have to pee, and no one seems to be impressed by my Black Sabbath tee-shirt anymore; in fact, I am frowned upon everywhere I go. I’m not wearing a wristband like all my neighbors, and none of them have cars in their driveways anymore. I’m definitely not home anymore. This must be a dream, so I’ll go to Kroger and do what I’ve always wanted. What’s this? There is no Kroger!? My God, this is a dream. I pinch myself. It isn’t…I’ve awaken in a utopia. I drive over to an old friend’s house who lived on the opposite side of the neighborhood. Crap, there is a cop behind me, if he turns on his lights, I need to cover up that smell. There go the lights; this isn’t good, he’s going to think I’m drunk with this story.

"Sir, could you step out of the…car?"

"I suppose. What is this about?"

"You do realize it’s against the law to ask a lawman questions, don’t you?"

"What? Hey, what are you doing, you can’t arrest me, there’s nothing in that car, I wasn’t speeding."

"You no longer have the right to remain silent..…"

I’ve been sitting in the sweltering heat (from all this friggin’ ‘global warming’) in the back of this squad car for about 4 hours now…I think I’m starting to dehydrate, and I left a mess for him in the opposite seat. Finally, someone’s coming this way.

I am pulled out the car abruptly.

"Where is your ID bracelet?"

"My what? I don’t have any bracelets."

"You must—if you were born in this state less than 19 years ago, you were issued one at birth. You’re obviously, what 16? It is unlawful to leave your residence without it. And worst of all, you were in a…" He checks the report, "…car!?"

"The car is legal…I put tags and stickers on it just last month."

The officer checks the report again, "There are two problems here, son, and you’re going to face a lot of time for them. You are driving a car, that’s your first offense, and two, your insurance company went out of business 15 years ago due to fraud and you haven’t touched your plates since November in the year 2002!"

"And what is the date?"

"It’s October 2, 2027. What in God’s name are you talking about? Are you on the angel dust? The PCP?"

"No, the last thing I remember is helping someone in funny clothed-guy get a keg into his house because he had just gotten a nice new, expensive two-lane bowling alley put into his basement and he was having a party down there. I woke up afterwards, and went to Kroger, but even it doesn’t exist anymore. It’s some government owned thing—a commissary. Just what in the hell is going on?"

"It is unlawful to ask an officer questions regarding law."

"Well I demand to know my charges!"

The cop stands from his leaning position on the patrol car and moves towards me. I run away as fast as I possibly can. What is going on here? I find refuge in a warehouse…hey this is my old school, Hidden Valley! What the heck…a few moments later, there is a helicopter sounding overhead for me to come out. I abide and am brought into a small chamber within the vehicle. There is a wall painted with a very eye-stimulating design. I can’t stop staring at it. Finally, my vision begins to fade and I hear nothing. I have become like all the other people I woke and found—a mindless vegetable, living for the government under the government’s rules. There is no escaping the inevitable. Just don’t drink form a keg you know a funny clothed-man you met offers to you. That’s about all you can do…it’s all about the funny people.