1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
   
   
2. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
   
   
3. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
   
   
4. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
   
   
5. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
   
   
6. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
   
   
7. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
   
   
8. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi!� I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc.� See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
   
   
9. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
   
   
10. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
    
    
11. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
    
    
12. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow.� Magic!"
    
    
13. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
    
    
14. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
    
    
15. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
    
    
16. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
    
    
17. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
    
    
18. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
    
    
19. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
    
    
20. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
    
    
21. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
    
    
22. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
    
    
23. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
    
    
24. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
    
    
25. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
    
    
26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
    
    
27. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
    
    
28. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in electronics.
    
    
29. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
    
    
30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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