1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
   
   
2. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
   
   
3. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
   
   
4. Repeat every third third word you say say.
   
   
5. Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.
   
   
6. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
   
   
7. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
   
   
8. Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
   
   
9. Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
   
   
10. Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.
    
    
11. Eat butter...eat all of the butter.
    
    
12. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
    
    
13. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.
    
    
14. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.
    
    
15. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"
    
    
16. Order for your date. Order something nasty.
    
    
17. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about themselves.
    
    
18. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
    
    
19. Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements... i.e anything on the table that isn't bolted down.
    
    
20. Hold a debate. Take both sides.
    
    
21. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
    
    
22. Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.
    
    
23. Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
    
    
24. Drool.
    
    
25. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
    
    
26. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
    
    
27. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
    
    
28. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.
    
    
29. Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
    
    
30. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.

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