Not everything I did on my weekend in Charlotte made it into this week's column. Here is some of the content that didn't quite fit into the narrative:

I stopped at the visitor's center on Tyron Street hoping to find information about what do to with the rest of my day. The space was nice enough with a surprisingly small gift shop, a large rack of brochures and a huge section on business and relocation services. I ask the woman at the counter about bus tours of the city and she doesn't know anything and just hands me a brochure. Okay, so I ask her where to get good quick sit down lunch. As she's fumbling with a "Charlotte restuarant guide" the security guard comes up and points me over to a chain restuarant a few blocks away.

As I walk to the restuarant, I notice that everything that could possibly be plastered with NASCAR shit was. I tried watching that racing crap on TV, and realized that 4 dozen cars making 500 left turns is not as exciting as it sounds. Hell, I make ONE left turn in my brand new (used) car and am broadsided by some fucken teenager.

Three hours of driving in monsoonal rain can be a bit much, so around 1pm I decide to go off to Luray Caverns in Virginia. The brochure made it sound so easy to get to, experience proved otherwise. I pay the entrance fee, and find myself in some gigantic tourist shop, fortunately its not lonng before the group is called to the cue area.

Our guide's name was Chris (?), and he was charged with leading all twelve of us on our underground excursion. I can't remember a damn thing he said (ergo no quotes), but I can tell you he was a dead ringer for Bobby on King of the Hill.

Servus