May 6, 2002 21:27 CST
Dear Diary...haha...so feminine. Bah, I don't care. I've been called many feminine adjectives, it doesn't faze me too much.
Anyhow, it's been too long. I've been living in Schaumburg for over a month, and the commute is killing me. In the previous entry, I neglected to take into account the fact that my round trips before were usually late at night, thus avoiding traffic. Additionally, I forgot that the other season in Chicago besides winter is construction. The commute is at least 45 mins in the morning, and close to 1 hour in the afternoon. Consequently, it's taken a toll on me physically, mentally. I'm thinking though that I can turn it into a blessing, praying, meditating, etc. I'll work on it.
Summer is coming. I don't have anything special planned. Lots of weddings, apparently. 4 is the latest count. Except for Tim/Cat, I don't know the other 3. Weddings. (shudder) ;)
March 13, 2002 10:47 CST
Hi, it's me again.
Hm. What's new...lots that may not be prudent to put on a public website, regardless if people do read it or not. =) I'm moving at the end of the this month. My parents bought a condo, both for investment purposes and so that I don't have to pay rent to someone I don't know. The condo is in Schaumburg, which is pretty far from here. But since I'm in that area at least 4-5 times a week, I figure it's about the same situation, but will be driving in heavier traffic times. Kraft is steady, looks like I could be here at least through the end of the year. I'm hoping that as I stick around, things will loosen up a bit, and I might be able to come on full-time as an employee. In the meantime, I'm still sending out resumes, looking around, etc.
March 5, 2002 15:12 CST
So easy to forget about this thing, not that anyone pines away to read it, but something I find fun and intriguing.
It's cold outside. I'm waiting for spring to come, melt the snow, and brighten the days. PD shared this past Sunday how the excitement of the New Year has faded by now, but it's cold, generally dreary outside, and people are kinda the same, waiting for warm weather, the sun when spring comes. It's easy to fall into those duldrums, and be lazy, apathetic, etc. I'm trying to recognize and remember the Resurrection this Lenten season, and that helps deal with the aforementioned topic.
Cindy Lee has started calling me "NF" for "No Fun." I've always admitted that I'm not the most fun guy, that I don't visibly show my excitement for a lot of things. I don't really see things or do things measured on if it's "fun" or not. Don't get me wrong, there is a sense of enjoyment or happiness (fun) in doing certain things, but it just doesn't weigh too heavily in my decisions. Often times I just "do" things, some more enjoyable than others. But I have been thinking about it, and maybe I should be more excited about life. On the other hand, maybe this is how God made me, and I shouldn't feel a need to change who I am. Oh well.
February 14, 2002 16:05 CST
It's been a rough week. Rough couple weeks actually. It's not necessarily one thing that has happened, just things eat away at you, and eventually gets frustratingly annoying. Work is slow at times, other times it's crazy. I keep relapsing into thoughts and desires of more security, more money, instead of this uncertain, temp/contracting gig I'm in right now. Parents are pressuring me on different sides, most obvious the condo purchase. I'm always battling myself, my selfish nature, my emotions, and trying to see things "in view of God's mercy." (Romans 12:1) PDave mentioned that if he could have something on his gravestone, something along the lines of "in view of God's mercy," would be his choice. If we all lived life "in view of God's mercy," man, what a crazy different life we'd be living.
February 11, 2002 08:59 CST
One of the places where I really experience God is in my car. Lots of times in worship settings at church, there's always others around me and some part of that always distracts me in some way that I can't fully engage in worship. In my car, however, it's just me, my car, and God. I had one of these powerful moments yesterday on the way to church at 9 AM. The weekend had been pretty difficult, staying up late on Friday night, condo shopping with my dad on Saturday, incapacitated the rest of Saturday because of fatigue, plus with a lot of other issues that we all have. So I was feeling pretty heavy as I got up on Sunday. I spent some time reading, praying before heading out to church. The CD in my car happened to Tim Hughes' Here I Am To Worship. Other songs played through, no big deal, then it hit track 3, which is the title track, Here I Am To Worship. As I listened to the lyrics of the songs, all my problems, tiredness, heaviness became secondary as the song changed my focus from me to God.
One of those rare moments when God really speaks to you. Powerful. We could have all the problems in the world, but when we fix our eyes on our Maker, they don't seem so big anymore, b/c He occupies our attention. Not to say that those problems will disappear, but more of a perspective change, that everything pales in comparison when you focus on the cross...font>
February 7, 2002 09:58 CST
I haven't had any health insurance since April 2001. I guess it's kinda dangerous and risky. There's not really a viable option for insurance for me right now, w/o having to pay an arm and a leg for it, which would defeat the purpose of insurance. Plus I cringe at the thought of paying for something that might happen that you really hope doesn't happen. Argh. No wonder those dang insurance companies make so much money. They prey on the insecurities and fears of people. It must be amazing the research and psychoanalysis those companies do to target certain demographics and market their services more effectively. There is a ton of money to be made when you're dealing with people's emotions, fears, insecurities, etc. Even though money is king at times, there's no price we wouldn't pay for security and peace of mind. Interesting.
I keep thinking a lot about times of prosperity vs. times of struggle. Back at umich, we'd always use to hear that how you are when things are going well are a true indicator of character. When the going gets rough, most of us do turn to God, but we tend to get more lazy when things aren't so bad, cuz we feel like we don't need God as much. I think there's some truth to that. More recently, I've been thinking though, that bad days, tough times, reveal true character.
Remember back in the late spring/summer, Psalm 13:1-2 was representative of life at the time? It's amazing to see now how that verse finishes...
"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." -Psalm 13:5-6
Thank you, Lord.
January 29, 2002 14:30 CST
What a start to 2002! I feel like I'm never home, only to sleep. Life has been so busy, but exciting and exhilirating at the same time. Our church has started to send some of us to Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, IL every Monday to jump-start their campus ministry, Ambassadors. Yesterday was our second week there, and it's cool to be back on a campus. Things are pretty dreary down there, and my heart aches for those who are hungry and thirsting to know God, but have no means or help to get there. Hopefully God can use us to make a difference. It's not about the 3-4 hours we spend there Monday nights, but the genuine heart, concern, and prayers that we develop for NIU. Every other Tuesday I go bowling with Cindy Kang with her co-workers. It takes me back to my middle school days when I used to be in a weekly bowling league. Wednesday is small group day. We're pushing our capacity with an average of 20 each week. There are rumblings that it will soon split though, multiplying and experiencing community in a "small" group setting. Thursdays are TEAM; we're starting a series on learning to really read the Bible. It should be exciting and insightful. Fridays are usually free for social activities, but I'm debating getting involved with AFC youth group. I've subbed twice for Cindy Lee's Sunday School senior class. Again, I remember back to my high school days and how teachers, youth pastors, friends, made such a difference in my development as a person. Saturdays recently have also been full with bowlathons, helping people move, grilling at someone's house, working at church, etc. Ironically the day of rest, Sunday, seems to be one of the most busiest of the week. It starts at 9:45 with service, Adult Sunday School at 11:45, then communications team meetings, or membership classes, or just hanging out watching football at Sang's. It's the busiest I've ever been, but I don't seem to be too physically tired. That's a fairly good sign to me.
January 15, 2002 13:45 CST
Halfway through January, I'm excited for this year. My "honeymoon" stage of reflection on the past 4 months of God's faithfulness is slowly ending. By that I mean, I've seen how God has worked in recently, and instead of just resting on those laurels, it's time to start doing the work that is cut out for me. I realize that I can talk a pretty good talk, but it's another to walk the walk after the talk. What is this work, or walk that needs to be walked? Well, I see it as more of the day-to-day, steady, commitment to know God more. Practically that just means spending time daily with God, getting a healthy dose of the Word, talking to God through prayer, thoughts, actions, etc.
Peter asked me if I wanted to go to Ann Arbor this weekend for the winter retreat. It's always nice to go back to Ann Arbor, but I hesitate now more than ever when I have to miss a weekend here in Chicago. The slight itch to go out, to travel, to take weekend getaways is almost gone. I have little to no desire to leave. I don't even want to be in a work situation where I have to travel. Again, I can only attribute this to God, because just a year ago, I was going to Milwaukee every week Monday-Friday for 6 weeks.
January 7, 2002 11:37 CST
Can you believe it's already 2002? Pastor Dave was mentioning how it seems like yesterday we were worrying about Y2K; now it's been 2 years since then. Amazing. So after viewing Lavid's and Sangman's pages, I've given into temptation to also put this back up after a 4 month hiatus. I won't promise anything controversial, earth-shattering, or insightful, but it's just something fun to do. After all, aren't personal webpages inherently a tool for self-absorbedness? I'd be lying if I said that isn't a motive, whether I realize it or not. (Wait, was that controversial?) Unfortunately since I don't want to pay for any webspace, I'm limited to GeoCities and its dang annoying banners. Sorry for that, but you can also just close the banner windows on the side.
Anyhow, much has happened in the past 4 months. Too much to write in this space, but after a tumultuous 8 months of 2001, Sept-Dec redeemed itself in ways I could never have imagined. You're more than welcome to ask me about it, but one verse can summarize the time...
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33
August 15, 2001 23:25 CST
Just got back from small group in Evanston. We talked about the second chapter, written by J.I. Packer titled "Are We Born Rebels?" in the book This We Believe. It's an excellent book; a collection of essays about the foundations of Christianity punctuated by a concise statement of faith written, signed, and supported by some "big" names in Christianity, people like Billy Graham, Ravi Zacharias, Bill Bright, Bill Hybels, Kay Arthur, etc. A good book to get the basics of the faith and really know what a Christian is all about.
JW1 came along as well. She's getting the full Harvest exposure; came to church on Sunday, joint picnic with Hebron, stopped by for dinner at Paul & Jen's, small group tonight. I just want to help any way I can with the transition. It may be tough after spending 23 years straight in Ann Arbor. But I'm sure Loyola law will find a way to keep her occupied. It's also fun to have someone familiar from the undergrad days. There are just some memories, experiences, common friends that we can share that's unique. More Michigan people should come to Chicago.
Moving on, tomorrow is my last day at Kraft. Tomorrow is also when Andrew and Katy get into town, fairly late though, around midnight. We're planning on grabbing lunch on Friday with Dimply and JW1, before heading off to Ann Arbor when Kathleen gets off work around 3-4. I'm eager with anticipation for the wedding this weekend. It'll be good to be back in Ann Arbor, good to see old faces, good to celebrate God's faithfulness in bringing Juhee and Tommy together, and good to just relive the best memories of my life. I'm a little worried about the dancing though. I've been trying to practice some moves in my car while I drive, since I can move in ways that I've never moved before. ;)
August 6, 2001 20:43 CST
It's been a while since I wrote something here. Not much has happened this past month of July. Mumbles and JW1 came to visit a couple days, while JW1 looked for an apt in Chicago. I took a short weekend jaunt to the Golden State with Charles to hang with Janet Paek. That was a fun time. I felt old though. Even though I'm only a year out of college, there's definitely a different mindset as a young adult. I found myself longing to just sit, chill, share our lives, talk about life, etc. Regardless, I got to see a place that I've always been fascinated by.
Dan and I re-upped our current lease for another 3 months, until the end of November, to buy both of us more time to find a job. Dan wants to head back home to NJ/NY, while I need a any job period. I'm officially signed up for an LSAT Kaplan course here in nearby Evanston starting August 22. It looks like I'll be taking the Oct. 6 LSAT. I'm still not totally convinced/sold on the law school idea though. Hopefully with fall recruiting season, I can find something substantial. Update with the Kraft situation: I just got a two week notice today. Apparently my manager can't (doesn't want to) afford me cuz she's paying numerous consultants an average of $90/hr. Disappointing, since it was a decent paying job, with potential for more. But the way the ball's been bouncing for me recently, I can't be surprised.
I'm really looking forward to Juhee/Tommy's wedding in two weekends. Andrew, Katy, Dimply are coming to Chicago first, so it should be good to see them. The weekend itself will be good, as many of us will be in the same place for the first time since commencement back in April 2000. It'll be amazing to see where we all are, what we've done in the 16 months since we left college.
July 10, 2001 22:13 CST sigh...another frustrating conversation with my mother. Throughout the past 3 months, she's been pretty quiet, letting me do my thing. But now she's getting antsy and starting to assert her stubborn opinions. She's still stuck in that "must be financially secure" mindset. Apparently she can't understand how I can "barely pay rent, go out to eat, be satisfied." I'm not saying it's the most ideal position, but you know what, financial security is not what I want to live for, nor is it what I should be living for. Money is nice, but I think the main reason God allowed me to get laid off was because the money was getting to my head. I was living a cushy life, saving a lot, living above my means, like I mentioned before, just stringing God along. I don't want to rehash what I've been saying before...But it's frustrating. In this time, I wish I would have the support from my family at the very least. Of course I know they are the few if not the only ones who care enough to tell me how it is, but I wish my mother would break out of her narrow 1st generation Korean dream of making a lot of money. Who knows...what if God takes me away tomorrow? What then will happen to my bank accounts? What's the use? Sure there's wisdom in frugality, saving, but I don't want to get to the point where money dictates my decision-making...so going home now seems more distant of a possibility, even though it makes (ironically) financial sense. sigh... "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" -Psalm 13:1-2 June 27, 2001 11:13 CST I've never been in such a position of uncertainty as I am in and have been in the last 3 months. Since the end of March, when I got let go from Braun, it's been a crazy time. I realize that everything in my life has come so easily to me. I never had to worry about money, food, shelter; school came relatively easy for me; the job offer fell into my lap. Now for the first time in my life, I don't have anything to fall back on. Nothing is coming easy. I have to worry about how I will pay the bills, if I should go home after my lease ends in August, if I should go back to school for something, etc. I no longer can hide behind a job or school, biding my time until it's convenient for me to give Christ complete control. Circumstantially, He's taken everything away, so that I may center my life around Him, not string Him along as I go my own way. I know the purpose of this time is not necessarily so I can find a career change, but to finally, genuinely focus my eyes, ears, life on Jesus. The problem now is I don't quite know how to go about this. In the meantime, I'm considering studying for and taking the GMAT/LSAT while I have time on my hands. It takes discipline though, which has never ever been one of my strong points. I'm also temp-ing at Kraft doing administrative work, which is quickly getting old.