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W: Xand, what if somebody has a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone...? X: News flash, Will, everybody knows. W: No, this isn't about me and Tara. X: Oh, well. Not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty. W: Sorry, this is the non-naughty variety. X: And then Buffy's all "Look out!" And then friggin' Dracula's standing right behind us. W: And then he lunges at us, like *whoosh*! X: He totally looked shorter in person. W: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids. X: Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master. (everyone looks at him ) X: --bator. W: A lot of it we already knew. Turn-offs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turn-ons: nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days. X: It's nothing. Just a scratch. W: Two deep, puncture-y scratches. X: I woke up in the dump this morning. W: Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It's more like a really nice hovel. X: It's a robot. It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts that look like me, designed to do evil. W: Uh-huh. X: But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me. W: That's not true. Sometimes we all helped to save you. X: Hey, wait till you have an evil twin. See how you handle it. W: I handled it fine. X: Like, I had this friend once who really liked this girl, and he got all worried that maybe she didn't like him back, and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend. W: What are you talking about? X: Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention. X: Would that involve moving? W: My feet are numb. X: I'll see your numbness and I'll raise you a lower back pain.X: Would that involve moving? X: What's with the hand wave? You see that? Does that, like, mean something? W: It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo!" W: (whispering) Ask him. X: (yelling) Hey, Riley? What's the (hand gesture) all about? X: See, now he's all mad and sarcastic. W: It's because you were doing all that yelling, Mr. Stealthy-pants. X: You know what he's like? He's like a cat. You know, a big jungle cat. How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool. W: (munching chips) I think you're cool. X: I'm just saying, I think it's rude. W: I wouldn't call it rude. X: Rude-ish, rude-esque, whatever you want to call it. When a person makes a "destroy all vampires" date, it's simple courtesy to wait for you co-destroyers. W: Tomb go boom. X: Yep, Captain America blowed it up real good. All by his lone-wolf lonesome. W: It feels like we're going around in circles. X: Our circles are going around in circles. We've got dizzy circles here. W: Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow. X: Hmm, maybe with a chewy demon center, like ours. W: What time is it? X: There's a clock behind you, Will. W: I know, but there a watch right above your hand. (looks at watch) That can't be right. (looks at clock) Oh. X: Are you kidding? Double-glazed glass ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. Oh, dear god, I'm the grown-up who sees the world through my job. I'm like my Uncle Dave the plumber, and I must be shunned. W: Okay. X: Are you in the vomit club, too? W: I had too much nog. W: It just happened. X: Things don't happen! I mean, they don't JUST happen. Somebody's... I mean, somebody's got... W: Okay, Let's go. Come on. You and me, come on... X: You know I can't take you. W: Damn straight. X: (boom) Sorry. Sorry, some... pent-up... W: Xander... where did your hand go? X: As I was saying, some frustration and now, um... I appear to be stuck. X: And again with the sorry. W: Did it make you feel better? X: For a second there. W: A whole second. X: Who did the drywall in this place? W: I always forget to ask X: You going home? W: I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. I've been doing that a lot lately. X: Yeah, I actually might stop by your mom's too. Well, I'm not going to my place. Those people are scary.  |
