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I awoke in a cold sweat, my heart pounding & my mind racing to escape the Image. I grabbed for the glass sitting on my nightstand but my shaking hand succeeded only in knocking the glass over. Blood poured out of the glass & pooled on the carpet below. A long night growing longer. Seconds pumped by filling out forms of Rage & Stupidity & Fear & Jealousy. They stamped across my chest & trolled into my brain through my nose. No matter how loud I screamed or how much i lied, i could not stop them. I sat up, erect & impotent, stealing into the void at the end of the bed. My feet blended purple into the Nothing & the click-clack of wooden souls. I ran a marathon in the dark. I ran to win but i lost & won the respect of no one. The tapping on the window was real. I slunk out of bed & slithered across the floor of my room searching for light or food. It was in the bathroom, the light, & i opened the door to find a woman hanging by her feet in the shower. A woman i had loved, but not enough... & now she croaked a song i had written for her long before i even knew girls like that existed. Steam belched all around & the Sex & the Hate made love in my ear. The sweat & the blood mingled with the tears of a child that i never wanted to be, but was. The radiator hissed & burst open a cacophony of relevant Anger. The walls seemed oddly transparent & i wondered aloud who might see this Play. No one answered, but they were afraid & ashamed. It wasn't working. I lit a candle & walked back into my bedroom. The mattress was still warm & i needed the sleep. I offed the light & laid down on my bed & waited. Then i remembered the glass on the nightstand & with my hand fumbled for it in the dark. The blood was warm & salty, but it was mine. I created this here. I made this, i made all of this. It is mine. All of this is mine. |