My high school basketball coach taught me to take the things that bother you the most about people playing defense against you, and then do those things when you play defense. Well, this year for Halloween, i applied this philosophy to trick-or-treating. I sat on my front porch handing out old, dingy, moldy pennies, all the while telling the kids stuff like, "Don't spend it all in one place."
Yesterday i got bitten by a ladybug.
I'd like to see a news story about a man dying from having a big pile of dry leaves dropped on him.
I had a thought...
...but i lost it.
Did you ever have an intense butt-itch - and i mean in the crack - and the only way that you can itch it without cramming your entire hand up your ass is to fart? And so you do, but then you totally ruin someone's Bar Mitzvah?
My parents' old dog liked to hump - and she was female. I never thought much of it, cos she was a dog. And now, my current dog likes to hump - and she is also a female.
Should i be worried?
And speaking of high school sports, is there anything more boring? I mean, i'd rather sit in a lawn chair out back and watch the grass grow than watch a high school girls basketball game. I don't think there is anything more boring than that.
Except church.
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