I propose a drinking game in which you have to drink if you think a sinister thought. And if that thought involves throwing either a puppy or a sack of kittens into a tar pit, then you have to drink double.
I have a cold - and i blame my dog. I take her out to go potty - many times in the cold and/or rain - and she can't just take a dump. She has to sniff around for about 10 minutes finding the perfect spot. It can't be too close to another pile of shit. Sometimes the poop is actually coming out of her ass, but then she realizes her face is right near another bomb, so she moves around with the doodie still coming out.
Maybe i should clean up the shit in the yard.
I once heard a George Carlin skit in which he mentions the best thing he ever heard said after a fart was farted was while he was in the military and someone replied to a fart with, "Captain Who?"
Well, the best thing i ever heard after a fart was Douglas Krause saying, "Seriously... good out!"
I recently overheard someone say, "I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but..."
My question is - Who is the next guy? And why would i know how patriotic he is? Luckily the comment wasn't directed at me, cos i hate meeting new people.
Why can't someone drop Anthrax in the middle of a Britney Queers/N' Gay/Backdoor Boys/98 Disease/Fagtown/Christina Faguilera concert?
Never start a sentence off by saying, "Well, the other day i was out munging, and..."
I like to go to the supermarket in my slippers and push around a cart with only a pack of Oreos�, a douche and some highlight markers.
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