I like it when i see a guy walking out of a public restroom stall with his chest out & a big smile on his face. Don't get me wrong, i dislike the smell of shit just as much as the next guy, but if i walk into a public john & am going to be forced to smell shit, i want to know that someone out there is proud of that shit.
Whenever i work until midnight, usually at about 9:25, i sing a song called Nine Twenty-Six Can Kiss My Ass Cos It Should Be Twelve O'Clock. There is also a dance that accompanies the song, which, unfortunately, i cannot recreate at this time.
When i was a child, i had a fear of escalators, which isn't too strange. This fear was triggered by a movie i saw, which isn't too strange either. The strange part about the whole thing is that the movie that triggered this phobia was about mutant clowns from outer space. There are no escalators shown or mentioned in the whole movie.
Sometimes nothing goes right. The other day i come home from work, hot & sweaty. I wanted to cool down, so i hopped in the tub to take a cool shower. Then the water started getting warmer. We ran out of cold water.
Why the hell can't a guy get a Lemon-Lime Slurpee at 7-11 anymore? Lemon-Lime is a basic flavor. What the hell is going on here? And some of the flavors they do have are ludicrous. Rockin' Rasslefrogurt & Cinnabon Tart & Anthrax Ripple. And Crystal Light? Are you joking? They have Crystal Light flavored Slurpees and not Lemon-Lime!?! I want to talk to someone, i don't even know who. I tried to engage in this conversation with a guy in the line at Meijer, but i think he was deaf. I'm thinking about writing a letter to the president, but i'm not sure which one. The president of 7-11? The president of the United States? Maybe i should talk with the president of the National Coalition To Keep Good Slurpee Flavors Off The Shelves Brotherhood Of The Knight.
Golf balls are funny little things. Especially when someone's going to Dick's to whack a few.
Whenever i see two people standing in the same general area, both talking on cell phones, i fantasize that they're really talking to each other & that they're both involved in some big espionage thing. Either that, or they're filming a commercial & at any point they give each other "that" look, simultaneously flip each other the phone in their hands, then start singing some annoyingly catchy advertisement like, "Five'll get ya six. Five'll get ya six."
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