Call me crazy, but i don't like to shit into a toilet that already has a shit streak on the bowl. I don't really have any sort of reason, i just don't like it. I just flush until it's gone, or i piss it off.
And along those lines, i occasionally wipe my ass on company time. Screw them, i'm not working with an itchy ass.
And speaking of my meaningless, dead-end job... the other day this hardcore redneck hilljack came through my line at the glorious Home Despot & while he was walking away, promptly told me to, "Have a goodin'." And i was like, "Have a Gooden?" I don't speak Redneck Hilljack, so i was confused. What did this person want me to do? Did they want me to have a Dwight Gooden? Well alright then. So i went on a 3 week bender involving booze, coke & Spanish Fly. I really screwed myself up. I had to go out & find this guy... & i sued his ass. Litigation is still pending.
I bemoan the loss of the Mom & Pop grocery store, but am not about to give up the convenience of Farmer Crack.
Is it just me, or is it really hard to tell nowadays whether kids are A-D-D, mentally retarded or just being typical stupid kids.
What about orthopedic shoes, anyway? I mean, how the hell did they get so big?
I like to read the graffiti on toilet stall walls, i'll admit it. What else are you going to do whilst pinching a loaf in a public john. You might as well do something to take your mind off the shit smear you're sitting on.
Anyway, in the stall i use at work, opposite the obligatory, FOR SEX CALL, there is what used to be an entire paragraph. It starts out with, "If your fat, gay, lazy and like the way shit smells..." Funny enough on a simple-minded level. The rest of the paragraph, however, has been smeared & thus rendered unreadable - except for one word. There is one word that is completely legible and it is the word dove.
Now what the fuck is going on here? I need to know what this paragraph was about. Dove? Goddamn dove?
It's like 20 minutes of pure insanity every time i take a shit.
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