-The WNBA
-Smiff & Strenmph {i.e. - Joe Smiff has tremendous strenmph}
-The name Dickie
-Girls who have to have make-up on, or have too much make-up on
-The fact that G. Dubya Bush is going to totally fuck this country in the ass with a big rubber dick
-Magic� The Gathering professional tour on ESPN and people talking about it as if it's serious
-When people run (recreationally) in sub-zero weather
-The word "Shoppe" unless it is used with "Ye Olde..."
-Glitter
-The states of North Carolina & Florida
-When bible-bangers come up to me on the street and try to convert me
-When someone named Steve introduces himself as Stev-o (sorry Stev-o)
-Valentine's day - but not as much as Sweetest day
-Peanut-shaped heads
-Hemorrhoids - especially on my butt or when my Mom talks about them
-Monkey butt
-97% of the TV shows on nowadays
-How the press kisses people's asses after they die, even if they totally douched on them while they were alive (i.e. Richard Nixon)
-White Trash referring to other White Trash as White Trash
-Bill Gates' glasses
-Wet shoelaces
-Stepping in a wet spot while only wearing your socks
-Gay commercials
-"Biggest Sale Ever!" furniture/car commercials on the radio
-Modern country
-The fact that Strom Thurmond isn't dead yet
-Speed limits
-Nose picking
-Epil-Stop� & Spray
-Dickhead cops
-The fact that my parents watch the Antique Road Show
-Commercials with kids in them, unless they're getting hit with a 2X4
-Junkmail
-Mullets
-Original Coors� commercials where sportscasters get down on their hands and knees & suck some sports hero's dick
-Scotty Bowman's face
-Hiccups
-Make-up
-A runny nose
-The name Guy (unless it's pronounced to rhyme with Weeee!)
-When someone eats really loud
-When some asshole parks within 2 inches of the door of your car
-Losing the edge
-"Dick Out" boxers - boxer shorts where your dick is constantly popping out of the pee-slit
-The Gay Band Quintet: Gaymouth, Sugar Gay, Gaybox 20, Gay Gay Dolls & 3rd Eye Gay
-My nuts shattering
-Taking a greasy, oily dump which requires you to wipe 50 times, thus chaffing & tearing the skin of your ass off
-The taste of lipstick {no}
-Signs in front of restaurants that say "Good Food"
-Mosquitos
-Gas pumps that don't have the stopper on the handle, so you have to stand there & hold it while the oil company fucks your ass off
-Headaches
-The maple leaf on everything in Canada
-Bill Walton & Steve Jones broadcasting a basketball game together
-Chewing tobacco
-The chick on The Weakest Link
-The goddamn heat
-When people say "tranny" - just fucking say transmission
-Bugs in my face
-Heartburn
-The "Morning After" liquor shits
-Being destroyed
-Getting into a hot, muggy car that's been sitting in the sun all day
-Getting cheated (on)
-When someone draws an arrow at the bottom of a page of paper, or writes "over", as if you wouldn't know what to do if they didn't write that
-When a hot chick talks & she turns out to be a total fucking moron
-Not being able to finish a Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 season because Douglas is a big bitch
-Melba toast
-Terrorists attacking the country i live in
-Smallpox
-All Florida college football teams
-Having people depend on me
-Christmas
-My glasses constantly falling off my face
-Shopping in insanely crowded stores
-Spills
-When people throw like girls, especially girls
-The disgustingly horrible show Absolutely Fabulous
-Windsheild wipers that don't work well & leave a streak directly in my line of vision
-When people leave their windshield wipers on after it has already stopped raining
-Butt-chins
-Stickers on the top of CD cases
-Burning my mouth on the first bite/drink of hot food/cocoa, thus making it so that i can't taste the rest well because i have a burnt tongue
-Being bored
-Getting bent in the wrong place
-The crustache
-The crack-pipe gap between a person's two front teeth
-Waking up in a freezing cold house in the middle of Spring
-The "new-beesh-pipe" aftertaste
-Having music playing in a room/car just loud enough to know that it is on but not loud enough to actually hear the songs
-Bitey smells
-The sound of a straw scraping against the lid of a 7-11 32 oz. Slurpee lid
-Bone on bone contact
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