Anyway, in one of my classes we have to do a group project. So the other night we get into our groups for the first time & basically all we have to do is the "get to know each other" racket. So there are six of us, & one happens to be this mildly attractive chick, who is also pretty intelligent (is working on her masters, not that that means much). She's actually borderline snotty. You know the, "Well, I have a degree & you don't," shtick. There's a small hint of this, but it's not full-fledged. Anyway, the teacher gave each group a list of icebreakers, as it were, & we all went through them - "My name's Cory & i'm originally from Tiffin, OH... history major, secondary ed... my favorite movie is... blah, blah, blah." After everyone has done this we were wrapping up the meeting & getting ready to leave when i started fidgeting with my ring. This attractive/smart/almost full of herself (i'd say about 72% full of herself) chick notices, & i notice her notice & say something like, "Oh, it's new; i'm not really used to wearing a ring." So she gives me the, "Oh, you're a newlywed... blah, blah... I don't really care, but I'm stuck in this situation & will be more comfortable pretending to listen to your sad-ass life story then just ignore you & walk away," kinda thing. So sensing this bullshit serum coming at me, i pounce. This is, although not verbatim, basically what i tell her:
Actually no... it's kind of a long story. This was actually my father's wedding ring. You see, i was always very close to my mother, i loved her very much... but i hated my father. He mistreated my mother, cheated on her, mentally abused her, etc. And even though my mom knew all this, she couldn't bring herself to leave him. I butted heads with my father constantly, & with so much shit that he did wrong, i chose the simple fact that he rarely wore his wedding ring as the major clash with him. I was always telling him he should never take it off & that he should use it as a reminder of the wonderful woman he has for a wife.
So now she's interested, especially since i'm laying on the dramatics heavily. Everyone else in the group is listening now, also, but i'm staring right at the chick. I continue:
Anyway, back in July, my father's business was having a get together with some of the executives (i don't think i mentioned what he did). My mother refused to go, but my dad yelled at her & insisted he needed his wife there & that they needed to look like a happy couple, so that everyone at work would think that he was a normal, All-American guy, or whatever. After verbally berating her, my dad finally got my mother to go. And it just so happened that he forgot to wear his wedding ring. Well, they get into a car accident & they're both killed (i'm paraphrasing now, i made it more dramatic).
Of course, now she's doing the "hand on the chest, oh my god" reaction. Then i hit her with the money shot:
So after the funeral i put his ring on as a reminder of the wonderful & caring & beautiful (blah, blah, blah... puke, puke, puke...) person that my mother was. I vowed then that i would wear it until the day that i meet someone that wonderful. So that's why i'm wearing this ring.
She's almost in tears at this point, & she says, "Oh my god, really?"
And i say, "No... i'm just kidding... i got married in August."
And with that i do a Costanza &, realizing victory, i march straight out of the room without even waiting for a reply. It felt great to mold someone like putty & then throw them against the wall with no warning (i'm not sure if that metaphor {simile?} makes sense, but screw). I'm not really looking forward to the next group meeting... or maybe i am, cos i know she'll have to act like nothing happened, cos if she made a big deal about it, she'd be admitting that someone without a degree actually had her going, which i did, of course.
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