Farts: Shit Without The Mess

The fart - a wondrous little creature, indeed. Let's delve into the psychology of farts...

-cpb 2/20/08





I find myself sometimes being extremely annoyed when i hear somebody fart. Now, if i fart, that's fine. Or, if i'm hanging out with someone and they fart, that's fine as well. I might give them a hard time about it, but it doesn't bug the shit out of me. But if i'm just sitting around and i hear someone in the next room fart, i usually get aggravated and think to myself something like, "For fuck's sake, handle that!" Thing is, though, i never really knew why.
Thinking about this recently, however, i finally realized why this is. It's cos farts are funny, they're like little jokes. So, if i fart, it's like i'm either telling someone a joke or, if i'm alone, i'm thinking of something funny. It's the same principle if a person i'm hanging out with farts - they're telling me a joke. But if someone in the next room farts, well, that's like they're over there havin' a good time and you're not part of the fun. You're not "in on it", so to speak. That jerk is in there telling a joke and you don't know what the hell it is. Screw that guy! Now, of course, if you're walking down the aisle at the supermarket and some Rando farts, well, that's hilarious on the same level as seeing some crazy person walking down the street and talking to themselves and laughing hysterically.
Of course, even though farts are pretty funny, they do stink. Sometimes your friend might rip ass and it smells so bad that you get pissed. Well, not all jokes are funny. We're not all George Carlin. If someone you're hanging out with unleashes some horrid cabbage fart, that's equivalent to some asshole telling a shitty pun, or something. Sometimes you almost wish you weren't in on the joke.
This really isn't the case with a solo fart, though. Most people aren't disgusted with their own farts. When you do fart, you're usually intrigued. It's like, "Wow, i'm amazed at this crazy thought i just had." Sometimes you'll have a really long, loud fart that makes you giggle a bit. That's akin to, "Holy shit, i just came up with a hilarious joke... that's going in my stand-up act." Of course, you will occasionally let loose some haggard, rotten-egg-style fart that does actually make yourself gag. That is something like, "Oh my god, i just came up with a joke about retarded babies going to hell - i'm fucking evil." These are the kind of farts you don't want to perpetrate around really conservative people, cos they just might call the police.







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