If we could just be happy,
Being together,
The world wouldn't seem quite so strange.
If we could sit and talk,
About anything,
I wouldn't feel ashamed.
So, let us be free and comfortable,
In our short lived days,
To call each other friend is all it takes,
And hate will fade away.
  � 3-1-94 James Thomas

My Perfect Darkness....... Redeemed!
I� I know you,
As sure as the black wind blowing tonight caresses me,
Just as your warm breath once touched my neck,
Even thoughts of your touch ignite carnal desire through me.

Just as my heart feels the lash of your tongue borrowing into the dark places best kept hidden.
No, not my heart but yours;
Dark, mysterious, full of pain,
Yet it is I who am driven to excess once more.
It is I, who finish yet another bottle of the black rum and search,
I search the empties at my feet for dregs of sweet elixir that will help me,
Drown the memory of you,
Sweet you; who was once the bane and sole path of my existence.

You, the love, who was once the light in my darkness,
Yet whose own darkness devoured mine,
As pleasant as a fleeting thought in dawning spring,
And as deadly a temptation as I have ever known.

I knew then that I had to have you,
I know now that it was my on madness,
My own willingness to embrace�.taboo,
Self control left me then and now returns at its own sufferance.

Yet, it was that self same control that I lack when I hear your name,
When unbidden you drift through my minds eye,
Laughing, calling, torturing me with your brilliance,
That dark foreboding brilliance; a brilliance so black that diamonds wept in shame at its perfect beauty.

I, however, know now who I am once more,
I will not be defeated by mine own memories of the dark,
I stand here downtrodden and abject, but objective of my plight,
Mine own defeat is in the lies slowly twisting in my head.

Lies that once poisoned my heart,
Lies that led my down the forbidden path made bright by your temptation,
Slow burning, soul wrenching cursed memories of false hope and happiness from your ruby lips,
Lies that make my blood boil still in a passion born in the fires love and now tempered in the coldness of hate.

Your darkness indeed devoured mine,
Your temptation was a minor spot in my own development as your pawn,
And as I stand here now half sober I realize,
That no hatred, or regret; would ever change the fact that you never really loved me.

I was but a toy to be played and discarded,
Again and again,
You have done this to me,
You have made me what I am.

But I am no longer weak willed,
No longer will I be tempted into rash judgment of false placed trust,
My choices now are mine own to fulfill,
And I choose LIFE!!!

Sweet nectar of the goddess LIFE,
The cleansing spring that restores my sanity,
Taught to me unaware the path of unhindered, unfettered, totally unconditional LOVE,
And forgiveness that I might find true LOVE finally and without regret for the paths I have trodden in getting here.

Now I learn happiness again,
Sweet joy, running with the herd and listening to Herne�s own trumpet blat out the warning of the hunt,
Blessed freedom taking wing with the eagle in blue skies,
Solace in the cool lakes cradled by the spirits of the water and Gaia�s perfect peace.

Mine own pride and forbids me to forget you,
Forbids me to unlearn what I now know,
Allows me to embrace LIFE,
And allows those dark thoughts born of you in me to fade away�.

Copyright: August 20, 2008
Author: James �JT� Thomas




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