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In Part I, Don Quixote teaches the bar-girl, Savillia, the art of reasoning. Here the knight continues with a lesson in the meaning of certain common phrases.
Return to Part I or continue with the lesson in progress.
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Talking out of both sides of mouth/face - to ensure that the debater is on the "correct" side, both sides are presented as if both were of equal value and you must conclude that it is the personality of the presenter rather than the issue, so you vote in his favor instead of his opponent. aka muddying the water. (See also contradictory premises).
"These and many other "tactics" are fallacies used in arguments to sway your judgement and are "unethical." That is, they deceive you and lead you to a decision that is unjustified by rational thought. Politicians and Kings are ones who practice these dastardly deeds most frequently." said the Don.
So taking the list between them, he read the "tactic" and then gave an example or so regarding its use. He then repeated the "tactic," and she followed by giving the tactic's name and definition.
How well she did. Don Quixote lost himself in her performance and it was only when the cool of the evening breeze made itself known that they hastily gathered together their blanket and basket and returned to the inn, she to her place at the bar and him to his closet.
Weeks passed as if only clouds before the sun. One morn, Don Quixote rose early and before Sancho was about, the Don was in the village where his new suit was being tailored. Addressing the mistress of the stall, he said, "I find that I have need for other clothes as well. Perhaps you have a suitable dress that would fit a young lady of perhaps ten years and six. She is of rather sturdy build, and about as high as my shoulder."
Now the seamstress was not one who missed much that took place within her area and she was certainly aware of both Don Quixote and Sancho Panza and their activities. And, she also knew that Sevillie was to be seen in the presence of the Don. In fact, just yesterday she saw them as they returned from the corpse of trees. With a slight smile she agreed that such a garment might be found. And not just a dress, but stockings, shoes, belt, and certain undergarments could also be provided if the kind gentleman had money to payment.
It had never occurred to Don Quixote that it would be necessary to actually pay for something, as he had always in the past assumed that his host would be appreciative of having such a stalwart knight in his presence. But this was different, obviously, this old woman was to be paid up-front and in coin if the clothes were to be provided.
"Show me the items and if they please me, I will make payment, but only after the young lady for which they are intended has shown her approval and all adjustments have been made to her satisfaction."
"You ask me to let you have these valuable cotton, silks, woolen and linen garments; to take with you on your word only. Sir, I am but a poor working woman who must support my broken and drunken husband. The roof under which you stand, is not ours, we must pay rent. And I know not how I am to feed my family. You ask me to give them to you, and we have yet to establish price."
"Silence old woman, you are addressing the Knight of the Lions."
"Knight of the Lions, indeed. I know you from your name as the Knight of Woeful Face, and your reputation precedes you. Inn keepers through out the realm know that you leave in the dark of night or early morn to avoid meeting your obligations. Show me your money!" And with that she lowered the shutter of her shop so that no further discussion was possible.
Our humbled knight returned to the inn in search of Sancho. As was usually the case, he found his squire in discussion with Amadis, who paid not the slightest attention to his master.
"Sancho, today, I want Rozinante saddled and the pack placed on Amadis."
"Please sire, let us not leave in haste, I think your mouth has not fully recovered from the assault of the veterinarian turned dentist. You perhaps are not well enough to travel. Let us remain here for at least another day or so."
"Sancho, you dolt, I have no intent of leaving today or anytime soon. What I desire is that the animals be prepared so that the bar girl, Sevillie, can ride Rozinante and the basket for our lunch can be carried on Amadis. I will lead Rozinante and Amadis will follow."
"Oh, thank you master. I am pleased by your decision." And Sancho thought, this would give him more time to spend in the stable with the Bible with those who looked forward to his reading.
"And Sancho, go to the clothes maker and pay what she ask for the items that I have selected. Bring them to me and do it quickly."
With that Sancho was dispatched and soon returned with the bundle of most amazing clothes. He wondered how it was that the Knight Errant would dress in a rather expensive dress, but that was the ways of knights, something of which he knew little.
The afternoon was soon upon them and as in accordance with previous assignments, Sevillie appeared at Quixote's closet with her basket of breads and cheese as well as a skin of better quality wine.
"Today we will take the brutes to our shaded place." the Don announced. And having said this, led here to the stable where Sancho had as instructed placed the restored saddle on Rozinante as well as the pack saddle on Amadis.
First, Quixote secured the basket on Amadis, which he did with great difficulty having never done such a thing in his five and sixty years. But he was successful and thankful that once placed on the broad back, it remained there. Next, the saddle which he accomplished with not a little difficulty, and then it was necessary to help Sevillie mount Rozinante. It should be understood that Don Quixote had never permitted any other to ride this noble horse, but today was different. As he considered how he was to settle this rider on his famous steed, he was surprised to see Sevillie, placing her left foot in the stirrup, swing easily astride Rozinante. He moved not at all. If one had been observant, they might have notice a bit of color in the cheeks of the Don as he noticed the exposed knee of the rider. Be that as it may, they exited the stable, Quixote leading, and Amadis following.
Once at the treed spot, the famous knight once again was faced with a problem. How to provide proper assistance for the young lady? Again, she solved the problem nicely by swinging easily from the saddle and required no help, thankfully from the Don. She gave him the word list which she had kept warm and secure in her bosom and then she retrieved the basket of food from Amadis. With quick passage of a leather thong around the left fore leg of Amadis and the right fore leg of Rozinante, she had successfully hobbled the two so that they would not wander far. Now all was ready for their lesson. During this, the Don stood and watched in amazement, Sancho in his most accomplished ways, never was able to do so much with so little apparent effort.
As before, time passed rapidly and it was obvious that Don Quixote's student was much more talented than he had supposed. He wondered how it is that these young people could be so smart when it had taken him a life time to gain the knowledge that Sevillie seemed to absorb as if by osmosis. He would say, "interuptus" and before he had settled in his own mind how it should be answered, she replied. "Modus interruptus. Interrupting incessantly to control the argument. In other words, not letting the other side have time to present their viewpoints."
Just as the day before, the sun settling in the west drew their studies to an end. And, as he gathered up the basket and blanket, Sevillie retrieved Amadis and Rozinante and rode to join him under the tree.
They returned to town. But when they reached the inn, Quixote said, "I have a surprise for you. Tomorrow, come early for I should like for you to have a fitting of clothes that I have purchased for you." Sevillie looked at this greying wrinkled old man and you might imagine what thoughts that dwelt in her mind, but she answered, "But of course."
Then, taking the two animals to the stable, leaving Quixote with the basket and blanket, she found Sancho who was asleep in a pile of straw and bid him unsaddle and feed the two. She waited for him to finish the duty and then they both went to the bar where a small crowd had already assembled in anticipation of his reading.
Don Quixote slept little that night as he thought of this person who had grown on him in these few days. Not once did the image of Dulciana cross his mind. And finally just before dawn, he slept. It seemed that cock's crow was far too early, but when he looked to the East, sure enough the sun was beginning to present an orange glow. While Sancho slept, the Don finished his toilet, and on the bed where he slept, he carefully arranged the pieced together quilt so that it covered the lumps and spoiled areas. Next he unfolded the clothes from that were tied in a bundle by the seamstress and lay them out as well. When he came to the underthings of which he knew nothing at all, he left them in a simple pile. Now he awakened Sancho.
"Sancho, it is time for breakfast. Let's be about it."
"Kind sire please know that the morning is far too early for such activities, let us return to our dreams until the sun is at least mid way in the sky." It was obvious that Sancho, not unlike his master had also not seen much of the bed and could use some sleep.
But Don Quixote replied, "You can sleep in the straw, today, I want you not to be present when dame Sevillie comes to our closet.
Sancho rubbed his eyes and caught sight of the dress and other items spread on the bed and he was struck with the sudden awareness that not all was right with his master. The knight should be making much of his absence from Dulciana and yet here he apparently had found another. But he held his tongue for he knew the mighty wrath that sometimes gripped Don Quixote when he was questioned as to his motives and desires. He nodded agreement and they went to the kitchen where a side of bacon had been recently delivered and that plus fresh bread and eggs, soon swept away any concerns that Sancho held for his master.
Breakfast finished, he asked if Rozinante and Amadis would be required today. Remembering the clothes spread on the bed and his master's desire for him to be absent, his thoughts took another turn. But he was rewarded for his question with the answer, "Of course. Do you think I am to carry the basket and permit the miss to walk when we have such fine steeds in our possession?" Quickly, Sancho departed and if fact be known, found a spot in the straw where he gained another two or three hours of sleep before it was time to saddle Rozinante. When he awoke, he was greeted by a strange sight. The barmaid was returning from the creek with her hair done up in a tight bun and wrapped in some cotton cloth. She had obviously been bathing. Oh woe, thought Sancho. My fears are realized. She and my master have some agreement. But there being nothing that Sancho could do, he went about his assignment of preparing the two animals.
And now we return to Don Quixote in his closet. He also had place on that fine suit that had been tailored for him and was much pleased to see how well he looked. With his good right hand, he bushed back the hair that seemed to always be falling in front of his eyes. Then he took his forefinger and ran it around his teeth, testing their firmness. A fresh elm twig, which he had selected earlier, was cut square with his knife and then by carefully grinding the end between his back teeth, he was able to fray the fibers, making a brush, the likes of which some used to stir the snuff that they kept between the cheek and jawbone. He used the brush to scrub those few teeth that remained. Again he addressed himself before the mirror and found what he saw to be good. How to occupy himself as he awaited the arrival of Sevillie? First he paced the floor. Then he sat in the lone chair that was present. Then he rose and stared out the small window which gave a view of nothing at all. Finally with what seemed to be more time than should be required, he began to suspicion that Sevillie would not come. He decided to go in search of her and just as he was about to depart, she entered his room. Now Don Quixote was for the first time in his life struck with an absence of words. He could only look to the miss with a rather stupid grin on his face. Fortunate for them both, she spoke.
"I heard that you had some clothes for me so I took a bath."
This was hardly what he had expected but he did see that the beads of dirt that usually encircled her neck were gone, or at least not as obvious as before. Again he was speechless.
"Them be it." she asked and before he could answer she began to unbuckle her dress.
This finally brought action from the famous knight that was known for his fearless disposition. He left the room.
In a moment it was done and when Sevillie exited the Don's quarters, she was well dressed in those clothes that he had selected. The transition was a delight to behold, here this gutter child emerged from her cocoon as a somewhat lumpy butterfly. The change seemed to affect her as well, as she stood more erect, thrust out her bosom and squared her shoulders. Quixote could not have been more pleased and he stepped forward taking her arm and "escorted" her to the stable where Rozinante and Amadis awaited.
The Don noticed that Sancho had somehow found within the pile of leather harness a sidesaddle which he had placed on Rozinante. His pride and joy stood tall, looking much better for the wear than he had in times past, the dose of worming agent having done what a sparse diet could not, had rid him of his load of pests. Now the stallion looked much younger that his seven and thirty years and his coat was beginning to shine as old hair was shed. He moved easily which was likely the result of the smith having trimmed his hooves permitting him to stand more properly on his feet as nature had intended. The hair-line splits in his hooves had been arrested by drilling small holes at their uppermost reaches and now as they grew, the smooth, new surface shined in the morning light. Rozinante nuzzled his master, perhaps in search of small award, and stood firm as Quixote assisted Sevillie in mounting.
The strange menagerie exited the stable as it had done each day for the past several weeks and wound its way through the town on the way to the trysting place. Not a few of the villagers looked from their windows and doorways to take note of the procession, which they had come to expect to have some new and different appearance each day. It took not half as long to reach the corpse of trees as when Don Quixote first began his visits there. The Don's step was more lively and Rozinante seemed to urge him on, in anticipation of being set free to feed on the tender grass that lay alongside the small stream that meandered through the area.
He assisted in his lady dismounting, and spread the blanket. Rozinante's saddle was removed and positioned so that Sevillie would have a proper place to sit, then the stallion and ass were shackled and set free to roam. All was in order for the beginning of their lesson, but the Knight of the Lions, was uneasy. He did not want to continue with the studies, he had a more important issue on his mind. After a number of false starts, he finally came to the concern that rested heavily on his conscious.
"Sevillie, I must tell you something on which I have been dwelling for the past few days. It is time to take a pause in our discussion of fallacies."
"Hasty generalization. No way, I am enjoying this far too much and each day have looked forward to our meetings."
"But you don't understand. The purpose of our lessons, which once were intended to amuse, has given rise to something much more important."
"Poisoning the well. You assume that I don't know what's going on."
"Ah, Sevillie, you are a most willing and bright student, you have accomplished much in these few weeks we have spent together. Look how you now sit properly, choose your words well and I must say, look most charming in your new clothes."
"Flattery will get you no where. You are attempting to butter me up to get me to change my opinion or perhaps have your way with me and ..."
"Stop. You have misconstrued my intent."
"Modus interruptus. Sir Don, you are trying to control our discussion by not letting me finish what I have to say. My intent was to show you my appreciation for the kind things you have done for me and I certainly know that as a gentleman and world famous knight that you would not take advantage of me."
Don Quixote recognized that he had created in this woman something that was unknown in his time. Here she was in all her beauty, but now, more than just a pretty face, she could think. What to do? Would he be able to persuade her to accompany him back to La Mancha? He would have to take a more direct approach.
"Sevillie, in the past weeks, I have come to appreciate you for your mind as well as your other charming attributes. I have taught you well how to see how unsubstantiated ideas are fallacies used to sway judgement. From a simple maid at the inn, I have made a lady of you. It is through my efforts that this has happened and you owe me something for have accomplished this." he said. A trickle of perspiration coursed his forehead.
"Hypotheses contrary to fact. I owe you nothing. You have gained much satisfaction from these meetings. Just look at you, and even Rozinante. There is pride in what you do. I say, I have paid you well for your efforts."
This was completely out of hand. She was the stronger of the two in making arguments, and he feared that he would be unable to say what he had intended, but continue he must.
"Dear one." He paused, never in his five and sixty years had he used such an expression. " I want you to go to La Mancha with me." There he had said it and now his case must rest.
"I can't."
"And why not?"
"Cause I like someone better."
"Who can it be?"
"Sancho!"
"Sancho. But why?"
"Cause he has a Bible."
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Editor's note: S. J. Mahtrow has made light with "terms" and many other fallacies which are to be found in the book, Many a Slip... A Dictionary of Shaky Grounds and Missed Connections, Vocabulary for Discussion of Argument, by Gregory James, published by the Language Centre of Hong Kong University of Science and Technology. Feb. 2001. Gregory James points out in his book, Many a Slip truth, reasoning and logic all have their unique disciplines and should not be confused. This is most timely at this time of unrest in the business world as companies find that individual morality has no boundaries. What is acceptable to one is totally unacceptable to another and, time and place have a bearing as well in whether a business practice is "legal". Legislating morality is impossible as was well proven in the attempt to enforce "Blue Laws" in Connecticut two centuries ago.
If the reader notices similarity in this story and its ending, with "Love is a Fallacy", it is the fault of Max Shulman who suggested it in The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. Garden City Books, 1951.
Return to Part I. ****
* S. J. Mahtrow, May 6, 2001
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