As Rozinante and Amadis the grey followed the path on which they had been set by the cave dwellers they were not as supposed, to spend the night in open plain but were soon to discover the village of the cave dwellers. There in the protected vale a cluster of simple wood and stone houses had been constructed. Nearby was a tinkling of water over polished stones, mighty oaks grew along the stream and lush grass spread over the small valley. Smoke rose from each hutch's chimney indicating that the village was alive with the evening activities.
Upon entering, the trail turned sharply so that prevailing winds from the ocean had no entrance into the houses which lacked glass in the windows but had crude shutters in their stead. Don Quixote arrested the progress of Rozinante and called out in a great voice; "I Don Quixote and my squire Sancho Panza have just completed a most amazing adventure and seek a place that we may address the needs of our palate, rest our bodies, and refresh our souls. Come out and pay homage to us as is our due. We will share the stories of our happenings and enlighten your lives. There is no need for bringing forth entertainment as our remarks will serve well to bring joy to your community." And he continued at length encouraging the villagers to open their humble homes to the visitors. This caused great confusion within the households which if properly described will be said to be simple one room structures that could ill afford any other than the current inhabitants. Small children peaked from behind their mothers aprons and young girls and boys laughed at the strange appearance of the two road weary travelers who stood at attention on their mounts. There were no men in the village as they were in the guano mines where they spent their waking and sleeping hours.
Finally a well set mistress of one house and a comely lass of sixteen found their voice and asked Don Quixote, and his squire as well, if they would share their evening meal, however, meager it might be. This was enough of an invitation and Don Quixote said to Sancho, "Alight squire and assist these maidens in preparing for my arrival. Be sure there is ample for Rozinante and Amadis for they have traveled far. Then come help me dismount for I fear that having been so long in the saddle that my left leg is asleep and if it is asked to bear weight, may collapse." With so many commands, Sancho ignored all but the last and assisted the Don in removing himself from the saddle.
Now several other village maidens appeared and looked in amazement at the sight of a knight not quite in shining armour, as the bat dung covered him from head to toe. A hasty conference was called and it was decided that, yes they could share bed and board, but only after they had removed from them the deposits of the caves. A comely woman of perhaps thirty who in better days would have been quite handsome before having the burdens of life and swine herding thrust upon her, seemed to be the village mater and stepped forward and took command.
This Dona's ranking was above that of the Don it would appear, and our knight-errant gladly relinquished his authority to her as he was much in need of rest. In short order she commanded that the large cast-iron pot in the square be filled with water and a fire stoked to provide for boiling the water. Sancho, in wonderment and a bit of fear thought that perhaps these wanton wenches intended to boil them alive. But his mistake was quickly discovered as the nearby horse trough was seen to be ample enough to accept his body and was being prepared for the bath. Fresh water was brought from the stream for both the pot and for the trough. Seeing this, Sancho went with Rozinante and Amadis the grey to prepare for their evening feed. He was pleasantly surprised to find that behind the pig sty there was a small stable in which there was fresh cut grass and a burlap bag containing a mixture of waste from the grinding stones. Loosening the leathers that held the saddle in place caused Rozinante to give a mightily blow of wind and he near fell over as he felt his new freedom. The saddle bags and assorted devices that were attached were place high on a rafter to protect them from rats and the like.
Returning to the village square Sancho was entreated to a sight nowhere else recorded. The swineherd mistress had directed the village maids to remove Don Quixote's armour. This caused a great commotion as they set upon him with glee, much to the knight's distress. Knowing that a follower of the Order of Knights could not strike a maiden, nor speak evil of her, he was rendered unable to do other than to try to resist their charge. The four or five or more, it not being recorded, caught up the knight each grasping an arm or leg and they stretched him, spread-eagle on the ground. The most buxom of the lot then began to open the casements. As a walnut shell does not reveal the substance of the meat within, so did Don Quixote's coverings provide a surprise to his attackers. Without any regard for his station or the value of his suit, they unbuckled, untied, cut, broke or otherwise separated the parts that covered his person.
A great cloud of feathers arose when the leggings were removed, as it seems that our knight had placed a pillow of some size within his clothing so as to protect him from the hard saddle and cushion his bony parts. Under the metal casing Don Quixote wore, as was the custom of knight-errants, a simple gown that reached no further than his navel. With its removal, he was revealed just as he had been at birth, excepting that he now was covered by the detritus of perhaps a month's accumulation.
The maidens stood back and marveled at this specimen of humanity that was now stretched out full length on the ground before them. Although he was Caucasian and his skin was surely white, and in fact where there had been friction with the armour it was a gentle pink, but elsewhere from toes to the sparse covering of his head-hair, all was a pallor which varied between yellow, brown, black and tinges of red which were the remains of scabs that had either become attached to his garments or his skin.
He was knock-kneed and pigeon-toed. On his toes were nails that had not been trimmed in many a moon. Underneath them was a black dirt or mold. While his feet were black, his ankles would have revealed socks, had he had worn them, but instead were covered with ringlets of dirt left from the combination of sweet, rain and dirt, as well as the recent guano from the cave. Bony legs which appeared to be only half covered with flesh and a greying hair could have hardly supported a man of greater weight than a hundred pounds. His manhood was clearly displayed and when he attempted to cover himself with his hands his arms were held by the damsels who were beset with merriment and laughter. This was too much for Don Quixote and he began to make utterances to God and nature defending his right to modesty, but his voice was shrill and broken and the exertions of his efforts to escape denied him the authority that was due a Knight. He appeared to be speaking in a foreign tongue such was his distress, but the maids paid not the slightest attention to the Don and his complaints but instead hastened to prepare his bath waters.
On adding a fair amount of the boiling water to the trough, it was deemed ready for his presence. With a single tug, his tunic was removed revealing his caven chest, bony ribs, and a shoulder that had been much damaged in some past encounter. There was no less dirt on this part of his body than has already been described. Now taking the Don by the arms and legs again, he was suspended over the trough and dumped unceremoniously into the hot water. This brought such a scream from the man from Mancha that at first Sancho thought he was being boiled alive, but instead it was only due to his bony buttock having encountered the rough side of the trough.
The maids were complete in their task and stood back for now it was the swineherd mistress to play her role in this little drama. Taking a scented wash-ball of lye soap, which was made from the fat of the pig and ashes from the fire with fragrant oil from the orange, and a sponge from the sea, she proceeded to bath the good knight from head to foot. An oily scum formed on the waters and she taking the oaken bucket scraped it from the surface and cast it to the walkway. Thinking the water to be cooling she called for another bucket of water from the cauldron. But you ask what was Don Quixote doing during this time? Imagine if you will, you have been besieged by a group of maven witches who have stripped you of your clothes and dignity, have been tossed into a tub of hot water and a heavy set mistress has loomed over you and pushed your head under the water whenever you complained, what would you do? Be silent and hope that you awaken from this dream and find yourself in your feathers, safely in you own home. That is what Don Quixote did.
Now, Sancho was another matter. Hearing the screams when he had been in the stable he rushed to his nobleman's rescue. Well not quite, he peered around the edge of the stable to be sure that no bodily harm might come to himself. Seeing his master's plight and that there was little chance that he would be harmed, Sancho stood under the near tree and enjoyed the events of the hour.
In less time that it has taken to tell this tale, the swineherd mistress had completed her chores and signaling the girls to remove the knight from the vat, she stepped back to admire her handiwork and to adjust her back which was much in pain from bending over and providing the vigorous scrubbing that had remove the crust. The Don was stood on his feet and the maidens using a rough burlap, dried him from head to toe, not missing a single inch of his body. And still, the Knight remained silent, and if truth be known was now in a state of anxiety that would in future days be related as his having besieged by demons or other equal robbers of man's dignity. Or, perhaps he was enjoying the attention shown by the comely lasses, I leave it to the reader to decide, for what man in his declining years would not have considered himself lucky to have been treated so. At any rate, the bath and drying were soon finished and Don Quixote was wrapped in a drape that covered him head to toe, and the swineherd mistress, taking him by the hand lead him to her cabin.
But what of Sancho? No sooner had his master been lead away and he turned to see him go, he found himself in the same embrace that had previously been granted the Don. His arms were caught and held firm and as he stood unable to move, the tie that held his trousers was loosened and down they fell. With them about his feet, he could hardly move his legs and with a twist and a pull, he was made to fall back and found himself in a position not unlike that as described for the Don. Oh, the shrieks of laughter and the gibberish these girls did cast into the air, but that was only the half of it for they proceeded to remove Sancho's clothes in the same manner as before. Off came his shirt, his boots and his leather britches and he was revealed to God in the same state as known to his mother.
In honesty it is written that had Sancho desired, he could have easily resisted the attack of these lady demons, but having seen the good times that were given to his master he could hardly throw off the attack. So while he appeared to struggle which brought on fresh attempts of the ladies of the village to bring him under their control, he did in fact not protest to much. When he was laid to the ground and his clothes removed, and all of his body revealed to those who choose to look, the maidens were amazed at the paunch that was capable of holding several bags of wine and other victuals. One pushed gently on it and was delighted to see it move as a jelly. Others joined the game and "poor" Sancho was forced into a peal of laughter as their touching revealed what his wife knew; he was ticklish. Almost in tears, he laughed and cried for them to stop and of course this only encouraged them more.
With sides hurting from the merriment, at last the bath was ready and without Sancho's (or should we say Pancho, considering his vast waist) assistance, the young would have never been able to lift him and place him in the waters. Lifting Sancho into the bath waters was difficult as his weight was easily twice that of Don Quixote, but with a mighty heave they cast him into the waiting waters, displacing fully half of them onto the gay mistresses. Now the bath began in full earnest with one of the more buxom of the group taking responsibility for his baptism. The lye soap and sponge did its work and within a short time Sancho was passably clean although having to use the same waters as his master did tend to redistribute the rime.
One endowed mistress was enjoying herself as well and Sancho could not but notice how comely this one appeared to be. Her pap were suspended just above his face. And Sancho despite himself, forgot that his wife and children were dependent upon him to stay by his master's side so that when the promised island appeared it would at once be granted and he would be there to take possession. He had other thoughts. But too soon the bath ended and just as with his master he received a brisk rubbing and was covered with one of the larger maidens tunics. Taking him by the hand they led him away to another cabin, where we will leave Sancho so that we might return to Don Quixote and his adventure with the swine herder and Barbeque.
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