P O L I T I C A L- - J O K E S

Courtesy of WizardOfWhimsy

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Courtesy of WizardOfWhimsy

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You've heard Al Gore say he invented the internet.
Well, if he was so smart, why do all the addresses begin with "W"?"

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Did you hear that President Clinton is buying a house in North Carolina? Yeah, but he can't decide which city to live in, Blowing Rock or Morehead City

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What do you get when you order a 'Hillary Clinton'
at KFC?
Two small breasts and a left wing.

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What do you call someone in the Clinton White
House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law
abiding, and truthful?
A tourist.

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Politics is looking for a black cat in a dark room
where there is no black cat.
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What is Bob Dole's favorite band?
Limp Bizkit

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What would a female president's husband be called?
Bill Clinton.

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Why is Clinton having such a hard time deciding what to do with Elian Gonzalez?
Because the last time he decided where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached.

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Hillary Clinton and Rush Limbaugh get into an
elevator. The doors close and Hillary removes
her clothes and says, 'Make me feel like a woman.' ...
Rush, lucky to ever get any action, removes his
clothes, hands them to Hilary, and says, 'Here,
fold these.'

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Benjamin (a.k.a Bibi) Netanyahu walks into a
restaurant in London with Shara, his wife. The
waiter comes to him and asks, 'what would you like
to eat?'
'I'll have the large steak.' answers Bibi.
'But, what about the mad cow?' asks the waiter.
'Oh,' answers bibi, 'she'll order herself.'

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Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas, asking for their opinions on the Clinton Sex Scandal. One of the questions:

Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton?

The results were staggering! The results below:

5% - No
2% - Yes
93%- Never again.

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If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill
Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one
would win?



Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that
harass is one word.

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Why is the government like a prostitute?


Your always getting screwed and you have to pay
for it!

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One day, President Clinton visited an elementary
school. All the kids were so excited to get to
meet the President. He began to talk to them and
asked them to define the word 'tragedy.' 'Well,'
one girl replied, 'If my mommy ran over my dog
Rover, that would be a tragedy!'
The President looked at the little girl and said,
'No, sweetie. That would be an accident!'
A little boy sitting across the room raised his
hand and said, 'I know! I know! If our bus driver
ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!'
The President shook his head and said, 'No son -
That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know
of a good example of a tragedy?'
One small girl raised her hand and said, 'Well,
Mr. President, if you and Hillary were blew up in
Air Force One, most people would think that that
was a tragedy!'
'Very good,' he said. 'And what was your reason
for that answer?'
'Well,' she said, 'It would not be an accident
and it sure would not be a great loss!'

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Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed and I don't want you to look in it until I die."

Hillary agreed to this but over the years the curiosity got the better of her and she looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you."

Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years and you being a politician and traveling and all.

She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?"

Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."

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3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.
The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said "To be
in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and
give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.
I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it."
The next interviewee came into the office. The
Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.
The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence,
then a lot of screaming. The man came out of the
room and said "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!"

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What is the difference between George Washington,
Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?


Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't
tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the
difference.

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About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin. When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev,
"Mikhail, can you help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me. How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work for you?"

Answered Gorbachev, "Well, when I was interviewing Eduard Shevardnadze, I asked him, 'Eduard, who is the son of your father but not your brother?'"

"What did he say?" Bush asked.

"He said, 'that's me,' so I hired him."

Bush patted Gorbachev on the shoulder. "Thanks, Mikhail. That's a great idea."

As soon as he got back to Washington, Bush called Dan Quayle over to the White House. "Dan," he said, "I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father but not your brother?"

Quayle looked rather puzzled. "Can I get back to you on that in 24 hours, Mr. President?"

He was very troubled by this question. He kept thinking about it and thinking about it, but couldn't get anywhere. Finally, the thought struck him, "I'll ask Jim Baker. He's a smart guy."

Quayle called Baker on the phone. "Jim, I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father, but not your brother?"

"That would be me," Baker replied

Quayle broke into a big smile. "Thanks, Jim. You've helped me out big time." He went running to the West Wing, couldn't get there fast enough, and burst into the Oval Office.

"Mr. President, I have the answer!"

"Okay, Dan. Who is the son of your father, but not your brother?"

"It's Jim Baker!" said Quayle.

"No," said Bush. "It's Shevardnadze."