| 100 Ways To Order Pizza | ||||||
| 78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer. 79. Put them on hold. 80. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders. 81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'." 82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond. 83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?" 84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math." 85. Haggle. 86. Order a one-inch pizza. 87. Order term life insurance. 88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" 89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable. 90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza. 91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed. 92. Engage in some serious swapping. 93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word." 94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired. 95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you. 96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots. 97. Order a steamed pizza. 98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up. 99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it." |
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