| AFFC: (4) CAROLINA KILLERS (5-8, 710 points) at (1) THE JAYHAWKS (10-3, 1,009 points) | |||
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The Storyline: Two TFFL founding members meet at "The Nest" in Clayton, N.C., in a first-round AFFC matchup. All-Time Head-2-Head Results: The 'Hawks own a 15-5 advantage, including tight wins in Weeks 7 and 10 of 2004. Postseason History: This marks the fifth time these teams have met in the playoffs. CK has won twice -- in the second round in 1997 and a first-round upset in 2001, while the 'Hawks took the other two, both first rounders, by squeeking by in a 1998 shootout and cruising last year in a 63-point blowout. Da Killahs have won one Tech Bowl crown (1997); the Jayhawks have won none (4 trips, 4 losses). The Line: The Jayhawks by 23 |
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| Options | Who Has the Advantage? | Options | |
| QBs | D. Brees, M. Hasselbeck |
Push (probably) ... This was even until Brees, better known around these parts as "the guy in Philip's way," put up a goose egg last week. Hodgie could go with Hasselbeck this week, as the Seahawks play Daunte's Vikings, who never saw a passing attack they could stop, and Drew faces the Bucs, fresh off a shutout of Michael Vick and the Falcons. Bottom line: Steve goes with Hasselbeck, it's a push. Brees, advantage: Jayhawks. | D. Culpepper |
| RBs | C. Martin, N. Goings |
Jayhawks (by a hair) ... Don't listen to Steve when he tells you he knew exactly what he was doing when he picked up Goings and dumped Brad Hoover just three weeks ago. Talk about walking into a stud! He's just as hot as anyone in the league right now not named Julius Jones or ... Brian Westbrook. The little jitterbug took three McNabb passes to the house last Sunday, and didn't wave any pom-poms, flap his wings or strike a pose on anyone's logo. That's what I'm talkin' bout, Willis! | W. McGahee, B. Westbrook, C. Portis, T. Jones, O. Smith, T.J. Duckett |
| WRs | C. Johnson, I. Bruce, J. Porter, N. Burleson, L. Coles |
Push ... Steve's Johnson is coming up big these days (there's a first time for everything!) as Carson Palmer is finally getting this NFL thing (just as T-Bird stashed him on the bench). Bruce and Burleson are viable options, and Jerry Porter has emerged from his shallow grave. The 'Hawks have Brett Favre's favorite target and a couple of guys forced to catch passes from that sorry excuse for a quarterback, Peyton Manning. | J. Walker, R. Wayne, B. Stokley, A. Johnson |
| TEs | E. Johnson | Jayhawks ... Speaking of Johnsons that freaky Hodge has two of 'em! He should be in the circus. And you CAN believe the Commish when he tells you he knew exactly how good Antonio Gates was when he drafted him in the 14th round. | A. Gates |
| Ks | M. Stover, K. Brown |
Push ... All of these guys are better than Martin Gramatica, and that's as far as I'm getting into that analysis. | J. Elam |
| Ds | Seahawks, Giants |
Push ... Who knows if these defenses will even be on a roster when the lineups deadline rolls around? | Redskins, Rams |
| Prediction: Nevermind the standings, the Killers ain't half bad! In fact, over the past eight weeks the 'Hawks have only outscored C.K. by 46 points, so the huge difference in point total doesn't mean a thing. Stumbling onto Nick Goings was the best thing to happen to Steve since ... well, OK it's the best thing that's ever happened to Steve. Those comeback 'Cats, powered by Goings, coupled with the sheer ineptitude of Culpepper's coach, Mike Tice, will turn this one into an upset for the ages in one of the darkest days for the Commish since the top-seeded Wolfpack was stunned by No. 8 seed Maryland in the first round of the '89 ACC tourney (some old wounds just never heal). | |||
| AFFC: (3) THE SEQUEL (5-7-1, 753 points) at (2) THE BERSERKERS (6-7, 860 points) | |||
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The Storyline: The second-year team with a new name visits the Season II joinee with a new home. That's right -- the Quick-Stop has up and moved to Asheville. Luckily, they can still lock the store doors and play games on the roof! All-Time Head-2-Head Results: The Berserkers have won three out of four meetings. The two split in '04 in lopsided fashion: The Sequel took the Week 1 opener by 38, and the Berserkers struck back in Week 10 with a 53-point thrashing. Postseason History: They've never met in the playoffs, and this is the Sequel's postseason debut. The Berserkers have been many times but are still looking for their first Tech Bowl appearance. The Line: The Berserkers by 8 |
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| Options | Who Has the Advantage? | Options | |
| QBs | B. Favre | Berserkers ... Manning is already over the 300-point mark (a TFFL first) and there's still four weeks to play. Think whoever owns the No. 1 pick in next year's draft (starts with a "T" and ends with a "Bird") has an easy decision to make? | P. Manning, T. Brady |
| RBs | S. Alexander, A. Green, M. Faulk, S. Jackson, W. Dunn |
The Sequel ... Alexander is this year's No. 1 fantasy running back. Edgerrin James is not. Any of the Sequel's other guys, when healthy, are viable No. 2 starters. Kevan Barlow is not. | E. James, K. Barlow |
| WRs | D. Jackson, A. Boldin, D. Givens |
Berserkers ... D-Jax isn't known as one-half of "the Dropsie Twins" (with K-Rob) for nothing. Hands of stone! Derrick Mason is steady if only occassionally spectacular, and Ashley Lelie is scoring like a drunken whore at a frat party (too bad for Kevvy he had him on the bench for most of those TDs). | D. Mason, A. Lelie, L. Fitzgerald, M. Robinson |
| TEs | R. McMichael, T. Heap |
The Sequel ... It's tough to pick against someone named Bubba, but ... well ... he's no Mark Chmura. | B. Franks |
| Ks | S. Graham | Push ... Analysis schmnalysis. These are the players that put you to sleep in your recliner on Sunday afternoons. | R. Longwell, J. Brown |
| Ds | Dolphins, Bills |
Berserkers ... Ravens this season = 110 points. Dolphins + Bills = 100 points. I'm no math major, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. | Ravens |
| Prediction: Did the Sequel have some kind of run of bad luck Weeks 10-12 or what? They got pummeled by the Berserkers 101-48 in Week 12, blasted by the Killers 94-34 in Week 11, and stomped by the Jayhawks 111-67 in Week 12 before bouncing back against T-Bird (who else?) to end the regular season. After that kind of output, the Price has to be ripe for a big day, right? I mean, how much longer can this Peyton Manning thing last? The answer: At least one more week. The Texans sure as hell ain't gonna stop the Colts' offense. The Berserkers will win this one by double-digits. | |||
| NFFC: (4) WILE E. COYOTES (6-6-1, 841 points) at (1) THE GAMBLERS (10-3, 856 points) | |||
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The Storyline: The road-weary 'Yotes -- only 15 points back of the Gamblers in the overall standings -- crank up the bus and head to Spartanburg for a meeting at "Dave's Casino and Resort" (where the quarter slots pay off in free agents). All-Time Head-2-Head Results: The Gamblers hold a commanding 10-4 edge, including double-digit wins in Weeks 5 and 11. Postseason History: It's a battle of the two most recent Tech Bowl winners! The 'Yotes took home the 2002 hardware, and the Gamblers won last year. Both over -- you guessed it -- the Jayhawks. The two have also split two previous first-round playoff matchups, with the Gamblers winning in '01 and the Wiley ones striking back in '02 en route to the title. The Line: The Gamblers by 1 |
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| Options | Who Has the Advantage? | Options | |
| QBs | D. McNabb | Wile E. Coyotes ... Say what you will, but Aaron Brooks isn't completely worthless. He's actually a decent fantasy option. McNabb, however, is coming off a five-touchdown performance and is second only overall to Peyton Manning in points scored. | A. Brooks, B. Griese |
| RBs | R. Johnson, K. Jones |
Gamblers ... Is Julius Jones the second coming? I mean, 55 points in the past two weeks? The Coyotes' rookie Jones -- Kevin -- has been good as well lately, but only has 20 points in three weeks to show for it. Both Joneses are former Jayhawks by the way. And the Commish wishes he'd kept one of them and sent Thomas Jones packing instead. | J. Jones, R. Droughns, D. Davis, F. Taylor |
| WRs | J. Horn, E. Moulds, D. Branch, D. Stallworth, P. Price |
Push ... Joe Horn called me the other day on his cell phone to tell me he has 50 points in his last four starts. Meanwhile, Chris Chambers wants to know how many touchdowns he has to score to crack the Gamblers' lineup and David wants to know when Moss is going to stop coming up lame. | R. Moss, C. Chambers, M. Clayton, E. Kennison, K. McCardell, B. Lloyd |
| TEs | M. Pollard | Gamblers ... Gonzalez is the best tight end this side of Antonio Gates. | T. Gonzalez |
| Ks | S. Janikowski | Gamblers ... Why the hell hasn't our country deported Jano yet? | D. Akers |
| Ds | Lions, Broncos |
Gamblers ... Nine other owners are sitting around scratching their heads wondering how the Gamblers ended up with two of the top three fantasy defenses. | Patriots, Steelers |
| Prediction: Talk about your close 1-4 matchups -- just 15 points separate these two in the overall points chase! The Gamblers, however, are on a roll. Following Week 9, David was down in 8th place and thinking about joining the Peyton Manning sweepstakes. What happened next further cemented the Gamblers' place as kings of the free agent wire (as many quarters as he's contributed to the pot, he probably deserves it). Reuben Droughns got hot, the Steelers signed up and were an instant hit, and then Julius Jones recovered from having Bill Parcells' foot stuck up his ass and got on the field and went nuts. That's 75 cents well spent! As nicely as the 'Yotes have fared sans Priest, news that the great Holmes is done for the season will take its toll on the Wile E. psychee. Put your money on the Gamblers to cover the measly one point. | |||
| NFFC: (3) HEELBILLYS (7-6, 789 points) at (2) JELLYPOP FIGHTERS (8-5, 920 points) | |||
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The Storyline: Heelbillys won't have to travel as far from their home base in Wake Forest this year, because the Berserkers weren't the only team to up and move in the offseason. The Fighters picked up the Play Pen, deserted Durham and joined Carolina Killers in Cary. All-Time Head-2-Head Results: Jellypop has taken six out of 10 matchups. They split in '04, with Heelbillys winning by seven in Week 5 and the Fighters winning a Week 10 shootout, 95-93. Postseason History: This seems to be a recurring theme in this preview, but these two teams also met in the first round in 2001 and 2002 and split their meetings. The Fighters won in '01 en route to a Tech Bowl title, and the Heelbillys rolled in '02 en route to ... a second-round exit. The Line: Jellypop by 10 |
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| Options | Who Has the Advantage? | Options | |
| QBs | M. Bulger B. Leftwich |
Jellypop Fighters ... It doesn't look like Bulger's even going to play this week, so that puts Wayne at a wee bit of a disadvantage. At least he'll put up a fight after signing Leftwich. | T. Green, M. Vick |
| RBs | J. Lewis, C. Taylor, M. Bennett |
Jellypop Fighters ... Ladies and gents, that's a RB corps that will strike fear into the hearts of any fantasy owner. Yes, I'm talking about you, Heelbillys! Even with jail-bound Jamal Lewis that's the worst bunch of runners in the league, hands down. Then again, the value of the Fighter RBs are all having their value killed by somebody (no, not Ray Lewis) ... Eli has brought Tiki back down to Earth, Grandmama Larry Johnson is stealing Blaylock's carries, Chris Brown's toe looks like roadkill surprise, and Deuce's coach, Jim Haslett, is just an idiot. | T. Barber, D. Blaylock, C. Brown, D. McAllister, A. Thomas, A. Smith |
| WRs | M. Muhammad, T. Holt, L. Evans, A. Toomer |
Push ... There's only one WR I'd rather have than Muhammad for the rest of the season, and his initials are T.O. And he loves himself. We here at TFFL HQ will always have much love for Torry Holt, and if Week 13 is a sign of things to come he's better off with Chris Chandelier behind center. | T. Owens, D. Driver, S. Moss |
| TEs | L.J. Smith | Jellypop Fighters ... Yet another injury besets the 'Billys, as it looks like Dallas Clark is out again this week. With McNabb locked on Owens and Westbrook right now, there's not enough love to go around to Smith. For the Fighters, there's always the possibility that the ball will slip out of Manning's hands during a sack and somehow find Shockey. | J. Shockey |
| Ks | J. Wilkins | Push ... Tynes and Kaeding ... who the hell are these guys? Whoever they are, they're getting it done. Wilkins is pretty steady, but will the offense fall apart without Bulger? Maybe Mike Martz's ego will suit up and line up behind center. | L. Tynes, N. Kaeding |
| Ds | Panthers, Jaguars |
Heelbillys ... Just when you thought the Panthers had about as good a chance to make the playoffs as the Commish has of getting laid tonight ... hmmm, maybe someone else should writing this preview next year so I can go out! | Chargers, Titans |
| Prediction: Remember how last year everyone thought Springfield Isotopes (yes, those bastards who still haven't paid their debt from last season) had the worst RB corps ever with Kevan Barlow, Michael Pittman and Stacey Mack? Well Wayne's giving them a run for their money this year, especially with J-Lew on the trainer's table. Any team missing its No. 1 QB and RB just as the playoffs are beginning must have bad karma. This one's going to be as ugly as a Makhtar N'diaye spitball. | |||