Sometimes you just can't win, no matter how hard you try. For those on the wrong side of a lopsided trade, those words have never rang more true. Here are the 15 most one-sided deals in TFFL history, in decending order. I apologize for all the Jayhawks trades included here (an embarrassing 13 of the 15), but what can I say ... I've been around forever and I'm active. Keep in mind there is no record of Season I's trades -- the only one that is included here (No. 15) sticks out in the Commish's mind.

Season I: Pre-Week 11, 1996
The Jayhawks trade Antonio Freeman, WR, Packers, to T-Bird2 for Anthony Miller, WR, Broncos

There is, unfortunately, no compiled list of trades that took place during our first season. This one will forever live in my mind, however, as one of my first (of many) blunders as Jayhawks GM. It also gave Tim -- "The Great One" -- an alter-ego moniker: to quote Bubba, "El Diablo." It gave me the nickname "Dumbass!" until Ace in the Hole made his famous "How do I get to NFL.com?" quote. Alas, that's another story.

T-Bird2 had been riding high early in the season on the league's first great "combo" (having a potent quarterback and wide receiver from the same team on your roster), which was Brett Favre-to-Robert Brooks. Brooks went down around Week 7, leaving Favre and Tim looking for a new favorite pass-catcher. Luckily the Jayhawks actually did something right two weeks earlier and snatched up the emerging Freeman, who promply lit up the scoreboard for 21 points in Week 6.

By the time Week 11 rolled around, T-Bird2 was desperate, as Moonshine was on a roll and pulling away. El Diablo must have slipped a Sebastian Janikowski special in my Snapple to convince me to deal Freeman for Miller, but at any rate, the deal was done. Freeman had a nice 30-point Week 15 and nine more a week later, while Miller never cracked my starting lineup.

Season V, Oct. 24, 2000
Wile E. Coyotes trade Keyshawn Johnson, WR, Buccaneers, to Jellypop Fighters for Brad Johnson, QB, Redskins.

Whoa, hope you're sitting down, but Keyshawn actually had a productive second-half of the season here, tallying 51 for Jellypop. Brad picked up eight points in one start for the 'Yotes, quickly fell out of favor and rode the pine for the remainder of the year.

Season III: Nov. 5, 1998
The Berserkers trade Joey Galloway, WR, Seahawks, and Fred Lane, RB, Panthers, to the Jayhawks for Jerome Bettis, RB, Steelers, and Marvin Harrison, WR, Colts

Clearly, Fred Lane was not the centerpiece of this swap. Although he was still alive at that point. I guess he would have been just as well off dead, as he didn't score any points for the 'Hawks after this pre-Week 10 trade (only kidding of course, well, sort of). Not surprisingly former Hawk favorite Galloway turned out to be the diamond in this deal, and it only helped that he was wasting away on the roster of the Commish's favorite partner for lopsided deals (see trade Nos. 11, 3 and 2) -- the Berserkers. Joey sprinted his way for 70 points, while Bettis racked up just 15 for Kev. Harrison didn't crack the Berserker starting lineup for some reason, otherwise Ring would have benefited from a couple of touchdowns and a 128-yard performance in Week 10, just before Harrison went down with a season-ending injury.

Season VII, Sept. 12, 2002
T-Bird2 trades Laveranues Coles, WR, Jets, to the Jayhawks for DeShaun Foster, RB, Panthers

After a horrific start to the season, Coles became a good starter, netting 42 points. Foster never returned from a preseason knee injury.

Season V: Oct. 24, 2000
The Berserkers trade Trent Green, QB, Rams, to the Jayhawks for Rod Smith, WR, Broncos

Green, of course, took over for the injured Kurt Warner and threw his way to 97 points. But what really makes this trade bad is what Ring ended up doing with Smith. The Broncos receiver picked up just three points for Kev in three starts, after which he packaged Smith with Mark Brunell and shipped the two off to T-Bird2 for Stephen Davis. Smith scored 29 points after that trade, Brunell netted 25, while Davis only scored nine.

Season III: Nov. 5, 1998
The Jayhawks trade Jamal Anderson, RB, Falcons, and Andre Reed, WR, Bills, to Collard Greens for Eddie George, RB, Oilers, and Warren Moon, QB, Seahawks

This trade basically cemented the Season III Championship for the Collards. The Dirty Bird was a dirty word around Jayhawks HQ as Anderson romped to 96 points for the Greens, while George mustered a mere 21. The Commish suspects the real reason Collards co-owner Kevin Brewer made this deal was in order to unload Moon, and give Doug Flutie the uncontested starting job at quarterback.

Season VII, Nov. 12, 2002
T-Bird2 trades Jeff Garcia, QB, 49ers, and Donald Driver, WR, Packers, to the Jayhawks for Plaxico Burress, WR, Steelers, and Jamel White, RB, Browns

Burress was coming off a red-hot, 30-point week. Unfortunately for Tim, the week after the trade was made Steelers starting QB "Tommy Gun" Maddox had his head crushed in, and Kordell Stewart returned as the starter. And we all know what Kordell does to WR's fantasy values. Burress scored just 19 points the rest of the season. Garcia, meanwhile, served as a solid quarterback starter for the 'Hawks, picking up 75 points in five starts, while Driver turned in 34 points in six starts.

Season VII, Oct. 1, 2002
The Jayhawks trade Clinton Portis, RB, Broncos, Josh Reed, WR, Bills, and Todd Heap, TE, Ravens to Jellypop Fighters for Jamie Martin, QB, Rams, Michael Pittman, RB, Buccaneers, Plaxico Burress, WR, Steelers, and Byron Chamberlain, TE, Vikings

Burress had a nice run for the 'Hawks, picking up 58 points before being traded away to T-Bird2 in trade No. 9. And that deal is what keeps this trade from being so lopsided, because Portis busted out for 165 points. Heap turned into a stud at tight end, too, scoring 40 points.

Season VI, Sept. 27, 2001
Wile E. Coyotes trade Terrell Owens, WR, 49ers, to the Jayhawks for LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers, and Ernie Conwell, TE, Rams

It looks pretty even in terms of the names involved, but Owens just had a monster season with 169 points, while Tomlinson (70 points) was just coming into his own as a rookie.

Season VII, Sept. 26, 2002
Jellypop Fighters trade Hines Ward, WR, Steelers, to the Gamblers for Michael Pittman, RB, Buccaneers

I remember uttering something before this trade was made to McGee about how hard it is to get a starting running back in a trade for a decent receiver. Todd did the deal, and Ward turned out to be a great fantasy WR for the Gamblers, picking up 87 points. The most points Pittman ever scored were on his driver's license after he tried to run over his wife's Mercedes.

Season II: Sept. 1, 1997
The Weathermen trade Joey Galloway, WR, Seahawks, and Johnny Morton, WR, Lions, to the Jayhawks for Ki-Jana Carter, RB, Bengals, and Reidel Anthony, WR, Buccaneers

Bubba never quite forgave me for this one, but when you consent to a deal for Ki-Jana Carter, you have to live with any bad mojo that comes with it. The Weathermen, in search of a quality backup running back, targeted Carter following a stellar Week 1. The Jayhawks, realizing Carter was not quality, demanded two of Bubba's backup wideouts and held steadfast as the Weathermen tried to negotiate a lesser settlement.

Amazingly enough, Carter blew out a knee (or something of the sort) shortly thereafter, and was cut Sept. 24. Anthony didn't last that long, hitting the streets just eight days after the deal was consummated. Neither netted a point for the Meteorologists. As for the new Jayhawks, Galloway had his breakout campaign, scoring 90 points, while Morton added 21 in a handful of starts.

Season IV: Sept. 29, 1999
The Jayhawks trade Errict Rhett, RB, Ravens, and Steve Beuerlein, QB, Panthers, to the Gamblers for Yancey Thigpen, WR, Titans, and Neil O'Donnell, QB, Titans

This trade was a disaster of Titan-ic proportions for the Jayhawks, as Beuerlein had his one, great season, ringing up 138 points for the Gamblers. Even Rhett was productive with 49 points. O'Donnell tallied 31 in a couple of starts, while Thigpen scored 22 before getting hurt.

Season II: Oct. 2, 1997
The Berserkers trade Kordell Stewart, QB, Steelers, to the Jayhawks for Robert Smith, RB, Vikings, and Terry Glenn, WR, Patriots

This, of course, was the season Kordell had his first -- and best, by far -- season as a quarterback. He was collecting dust on Ring's bench as Drew Bledsoe's backup, however, so the Jayhawks decided to make him the heir apparent to Tony Banks, Scott Mitchell, Jeff Blake, et al. It worked out well, as "Slash" picked up at least 128 points (Week 8's scoring sheet has disappeared from the archives), which was rivaled by only Brett Favre among quarterbacks. Unless they did damage in Week 8, Robert Smith didn't score any points for the Berserkers, while Glenn posted a lowly seven.

Season V, Sept. 5, 2000
The Jayhawks trade Daunte Culpepper, QB, Vikings, and the Bills defense, to the Berserkers for Cade McNown, QB, Bears, and the Raiders defense

All I can say is it's a good thing for the rest of TFFL that this trade occured. The 2000 Jayhawks were the most dominant team in league history, and adding Culpepper to a lineup that included Robert Smith, Jamal Lewis, Randy Moss, Isaac Bruce, Rod Smith and Terrell Owens would have been nasty.

Lord only knows what the 'Hawks were thinking about McNown -- who scored all of four points -- but getting a good starting defense in the Raiders (133 points) saved this from being a dubious No. 1. Culpepper, of course, went on to have the second-best individual scoring season ever, with all but 20 of his 281 points coming for the Berserkers after this Week One trade. The Bills even made for a good backup defense, garnering 28 points in a couple of starts.

And the worst trade in league history is ...

Season III: Sept. 15, 1998
Collard Greens trade Randall Cunningham, QB, Vikings, to the Jayhawks for Derrick Alexander, WR, Chiefs

This stands as one of the Collards' few mistakes that season, as the now defunct duo of Matt Lail and Kevin Brewer rode the likes of Terrell Davis, Randy Moss and Jamal Anderson to TFFL glory in '98. As for the deal, the Jayhawks were in search of a starting quarterback following an untimely Week 2 injury to Vikings QB Brad Johnson. Collards had BJ's Minnesota replacement, Randall Cunningham, stashed away on their bench -- and obviously had no use for him, what with Warren Moon and Doug Flutie around. The 'Hawks gleefully sent backup WR Derrick Alexander their way and reaped the rewards of a 247-point season from the former cabinet maker. Alexander -- just as worthless back then as he is now -- tallied all of seven points for the year.