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AFFC No. 4 CAROLINA KILLERS (701 points, 4-8-1 record) at "The Nest" (where the 'Hawks never lay an egg) |
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| Head-2-Head: Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk was in effect in both 2002 matchups: Week 7's score was 105-65, while Week 10 saw a 93-46 blowout. The 'Hawks own the all-time series, 11-4. Playoff History: These traditional postseason rivals have met three times. Da Killahs took a 1997 second-round battle, 83-53, en route to their first and only Tech Bowl title. Jay struck back in 1998 with a 93-87 first-round win, while Carolina surprised last season with a 43-39 opening-round stunner. The Line: Jayhawks by 25 1/2 |
Keep giving the rock to Priest Holmes and Deuce McAllister. Priest is on track to have the greatest TFFL season ever, and has already tied Terrell Davis' Season III mark for most points by a running back with 227. Deuce has a bad ankle, but showed Sunday night against the Bucs that he's willing to tough it out to help the Jayhawks win. Outside of quarterback, the 'Hawks have been getting solid, if not spectacular, play out of every position all season. | This is not the mismatch it may seem to be. Michael Vick has shown more moves than a a dancer at Thee Dollhouse lately, and the Killers have been getting solid play at RB at WR. And don't forget the Buccaneers defense, which is among the league's top 10 in scoring. Now, the clincher: Carolina has outscored the Jayhawks in each of the past two weeks. |
Unfortunately for Hodges, his quarterback (Vick) is going against his defense (the Bucs) this week. His top running back, Shaun Alexander, faces one of the best run-stuffing defenses (the Broncos). The Jayhawks GM/Coach isn't happy after a Week 13 loss to lowly T-Bird2 (for the second time this season! Now I know why Tim was willing to let Jeff Garcia go) and promises to drive any lazy-ass Randy Moss demons out of his team before kickoff. The 'Hawks will win, but won't cover the enormous spread. |
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AFFC No. 3 THE BOTTLEROCKETS (752 points, 5-8 record) at "The WeatherCenter Dome" (where it never rains -- or shines) |
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| Head-2-Head: These two just played in Week 13, with the Weathermen coming out on top, 61-53. The 'Rocks won the other matchup, 78-60 in Week 7. The all-time series is close, with the Weathermen owning a 4-3 advantage. Playoff History: They've never met in the postseason, although the Bottlerockets have won two Tech Bowls and the Weathermen one. The Line: Weathermen by 5 |
First things first: Bubba needs to borrow one of Terrell Owens' Sharpies and sign a new quarterback. The Weathermen goofed and jettisoned Tommy Gun Maddox a couple of weeks ago, and now Kordell is back on the bench (probably trying to kiss McNabb's ankle and make it all better). Despite the injuries, the W-men have kept finding ways to win while hanging on to third place in the overall standings. If Baysden wins, it'll be the San Francisco Bay way, as 49ers T.O. and Garrison Hearst and Raider Charlie Garner are the big threats. |
O Marshall, where art thou? The 'Rocks have been on a slide since Faulk started acting like the Ghost of Fraud Taylor Past. Three consecutive losses are not the way to head into the playoffs, but things are looking up as long as the draft's top pick returns. And if Anthony Thomas ... ah, forget it. Just following in fellow former Michigan standout Tim Biakabutuka's footsteps -- straight to the CFL! |
It's too late to save the Rams' season, but not the Bottlerockets'. Faulk returns for a rushing showdown with Priest in Kansas City, and new St. Louis starter Jamie Martin does what he does best -- hand off. With Ahman Green looking shaky for the Packers, handing off is not something Brett Favre will be looking to do. With a bottle of spirits tucked safely away in his hand warmer (can't stuff it in your sock anymore, thanks to T.O.), Favre takes to the Frozen Tundra on Sunday night and logs plenty of air time vs. the pitiful Vikings secondary, leading Roncho into the division championship. |
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NFFC No. 4 HEELBILLYS (713 points, 5-7-1 record) at "The Playpen" (which Jelly is threatening to outgrow!) |
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| Head-2-Head: Jellypop won a Week 5 battle, 75-60, while Heelbillys took the Week 10 rematch, 111-85, in what may be the highest scoring matchup in league history. In the all-time ranks, Jellypop has been dominant, winning four of five matchups. Playoff History: These two also met in the 2001 first round, with Jellypop taking a 40-31 victory en route to the Fighters' first Tech Bowl title. The Line: Fighters by 14 |
The wheels on the Bus go round and round, and this week the Texans are the guys under the Bus. Ladies and gentlemen, that's what people in the business call a "mismatch." Want another matchup dream for Jelly? Try the Chargers secondary vs. Rich Gannon and Co. ... But wait -- there's more! Take it away, Billy Mays. "Thaaaat's right, call now, and we'll send Marvin Harrison to Tennessee to abuse the Titans! A tomato offers more resistance to a ghinsu knife, folks. Amazing!" | Did someone forget the Heelbillys' wake-up call last Sunday? Brady and the boys put up just 19 points and lost by six to the Berserkers in the stinker of the year. This week, Brady goes up against Bledsoe and the Bills, so he's gonna have to chuck the ball to keep up. If Dee Brown can get 125 yards on the Browns, why not Fred Taylor? Give the man the rock and hope his groin holds together for one more game. |
Mark it down, with or without Ahman Green, the Fighters beat the spread in this one. If not for the apathetic Berserkers, the Holes wouldn't even be in the playoffs. It could only get more embarrassing than the final score if 'Billys kicker Martin Gramatica hurts himself in a post-FG celebration. |
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NFFC No. 3 WILE E. COYOTES (758 points, 7-6 record) at "Dave's Casino and Resort" (where the quarter slot machines pay off in free agents) |
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| Head-2-Head: The Gamblers haven't brought anything to the table this year. The 'Yotes have swept, taking the Week 6 matchup 69-62 and the Week 10 battle, 60-47. Consolation for the Gamblers: they lead the all-time series, 6-3. Playoff History: This is the inaugural postseason meeting between these two. The Line: Gamblers by 4 |
Clearly, fear has gotten the Gamblers where they are today. Underperforming players are whacked upside the head with a sock full of quarters and sent on their way. New meat usually doesn't last long, and last week's trash usually becomes part of this week's class of signees. Shrewd signing Tommy Maddox could pay off big if Aaron Brooks can't play Sunday, but Dave just needs Ricky Williams to keep doing what he has been for the past three weeks (22.6 average point output). | Things haven't looked this rosey in Coyoteville in ... well, ever. Fifth place is uncharted territory for the Wiley one, and he has LaDainian Tomlinson to thank for it. But he'll need more than Marty Ball to advance, and the Titans' secondary is looking like a tasty turkey to Peyton Manning. Any kind of production out of Eddie George and Antowain Smith would help the cause. | Does ACME sell upsets? Thankfully for the 'Yotes, the Gamblers ain't the Road Runner. The Wiley one will avenge last season's first-round thumping and advance to the second round for the first time in franchise history. |