Episode 10: Pack to the Future
While we're sure each and every member of the Gator Bowl champion Wolfpack will go on to long and illustrious NFL careers, TFFL voters saw bruising tailback T.A. McLendon as the one with the most future fantasy potential. In a runaway, T.A.'s seven votes dwarfed the two received by runners-up Philip Rivers and Jerricho Cotchery. Cotch's WR corps mates Brian Peterson, Sterling Hicks and Dovonte Edwards all picked up one vote each. Apparently some players' mothers heard about the poll and logged on, because that's the only way Josh Brown, Lamont Reid, Austin Herbert and Adam Kiker could have garnered their votes.
Episode Nine: What the Future Holds
In another lame poll turnout, Marshall Faulk and Priest Holmes received two votes apiece as most likely to be picked No. 1 overall in the 2003 TFFL Draft. Deuce McAllister received the only other vote cast. So many potential top picks were shut out, I'm not even going to list them all.
Episode Eight: Flops
In one of the worst voter turnouts of the year, Torry Holt was picked as the most likely underachieving, high-round draft pick to rebound in the second half. Holt's two votes doubled up the one vote received by Randy Moss, Curtis Martin and Jimmy Smith. Five votes were all that were cast in a lousy week at the polls. Speaking of lousy, David Boston, Tim Brown, Isaac Bruce, Rod Smith, Anthony Thomas and Kurt Warner didn't get any votes and are expected to continue their lousy ways.
Episode Seven: Sideline Divas
ABC may not be able to find a good color man to pair with Al Michaels, but they hit it big on the sidelines. According to five TFFL voters, ABC's fuzzy-sweater wearing Melissa Stark is the hottest NFL reporter on TV. CBS' Jill Arrington refused to bare all for this poll, but she still took three votes for runner-up honors, while network colleague Bonnie Bernstein (why is she always in Buffalo or someplace cold, bundled up in lots of clothes?) grabbed the fancy of two voters. ESPN's Suzy Kolber doesn't spend as much time in front of the mirror as NFL Matchups cohort Merrill Hoge, but she still got a vote, as did FOXy lady Pam Oliver, who proves jungle fever can be a great thing. In what could be the biggest shock of the year, CBS' Lesley Visser actually got a vote. Please, reveal yourself, and the Commish will come to your house and hit you over the head with a tack hammer. At least no one voted for ESPN's Andrea Kremer.
Episode Six: Difficult Owners to Trade With
Despite being involved in three separate trades this season, Jellypop Fighters have been voted most difficult team to trade with by TFFL's owners. Todd McGee picked up seven of 23 votes, and was closely followed by Berserkers boss Kevin Ring and Weathermen chief Bubba Baysden (five votes apiece). Bottlerockets guru Ron Batcho tallied four votes, while the Carolina Killers' Steve Hodges garnered two votes.
Episode Five: TFFL's Least Wanted Rules
Oh my. Judging from the total number of votes, we have some unhappy campers in our league! TFFL's least popular rule -- with four votes -- is the longstanding ban on swapping beaver pelts. Despite a legacy that dates back to pilgrim-and-Indian days (when the pilgrims traded a nice, plump "get the hell out of here" for beaver pelts and everything else the Indians had), this rule won't be overturned. The post-Week 2 roster cuts didn't sit well with three voters, while the mandatory two-defense rule and Tim's two-headed divisional baby picked up two votes apiece.
Having to start a tight end (Baysden), the existence of Injured Reserve and something that wasn't listed all pulled in one vote each. Lo and behold, three voters were 100 percent satisfied! You three sirs may visit TFFL HQ to claim your complimentary beaver pelts at this time.
Episode Four: The Perfect Couple
Love stands the test of time, and T-Bird2 and Terry Glenn have had an affair to remember. El Diablo and the Patriots/Packers WR received five votes to take honors in the "Which TFFL team and NFL player go together like no other?" poll. Our homecoming queen runner-up (with four votes) is Jake Plummer, who is almost always joined at the hip by the Berserkers. Fond memories of Curtis Conway pulling in TDs for the Bears and T-Bird2 picked up some sentimentalist's vote, while Ron Dayne -- loved only by his mother and the Weathermen -- also got one. Jayhawks favorite Corey Dillon and Bottlerocket boy Tyrone Wheatley were shut out.
Episode Three: Feeling a Draft
Despite the Commish's suspicion that there's an owner(s) out there who voted multiple times -- given the fact that 11 votes were cast -- Heelbillys and the Jayhawks were judged to have had the best draft. Each team picked up three votes to edge out the Berserkers and Weathermen, both of whom garnered two votes apiece. The Gamblers snagged the only other vote.
Episode Two: Keeping Up With the Smiths
So many Smiths to choose from. Unfortunately the poll host was having problems for a few weeks, preventing the masses from casting their opinions on which Smith would best suit their fantasy needs in 2002. Nevertheless, the Broncos' Rod was the pick of the litter with three votes. The only other player to receive props was the Cowboys' Emmitt, who picked up one vote (someone's living in the past!). No love: Jimmy of the Jaguars, Antowain of the Patriots, Maurice of the Falcons, Steve and Lamar of the Panthers, and Akili of the Bengals (shocker).
Episode One: Guys With Funky Names
You can't have them, but if you could, who would you want? The Commish identified four players with names so difficult to spell correctly that they are forbidden on rosters. Of those four, Steelers running back Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala collected five votes (the only five votes) to walk away with honors. Absolutely no one wants Raiders signal-caller Marques Tuiasosopo, Bengals wideout T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Vikings hybrid tight end Jimmy Kleinsasser -- and that's a good thing, for aforementioned reasons.