 | No. 1 Jellypop Fighters 848 points 8-5-0 record |
| No. 8 Heelbillys 663 points 5-6-2 record |  |
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Locale: Pee Wee's Playhouse (today's magic word: Faulk)
Head-2-head: The Jellypoppers won both regular-season matchups, the most recent a nine-point yawner in Week 13.
Postseason history: McPeters is getting his postseason cherry popped, hence this is the inaugural meeting. McGee was pummeled by the Jayhawks in last year's quarterfinals -- his only other postseason appearance.
The line: Fighters by 14.
How Jellypop Fighters can win: Just show up. Jellopop had a so-so outing last week and still beat up the lowly Heelbillys. An average performance from Faulk (You said the magic word! "Agggggghhhhhhhhhhh!") and one McNabb-to-Thrash hookup should be enough to knock WP on his Tar Hole.
How Heelbillys can win: 1. Get a new quarterback. Griese is money for about four points each week. If Harrison and Moulds can find the end zone, and Antowain Smith keeps up his back-from-the-dead routine, Mr. I'm Too Good To Show Up At The Draft might just have a shot.
Prediction: Hmm ... Carolina basketball sucks, Carolina football got a gift by being invited to the Peach Bowl despite losing to *Wake Forest* ... hell, even Michael Jordan blows these days. Seems only natural for the Hellbillys to suck some wind too. The Bus returns and the Fighters roll.
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 4 T-Bird2 vs. No. 5 Weathermen.
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Locale: The Nest2 (not to be confused with the Jayhawks' Nest)
Head-2-head: TB2 administered a 39-point Week 6 whipping after the two long-time rivals played nice and tied in Week 1. The Weatherbubbas own the all-time edge, 7-4-1.
Postseason history: The Great One won a Season I first-round tilt on his way to a Tech Bowl title, while Bubba struck back with a Season II first-round victory. The Weathermen won the Season IV Tech Bowl.
The line: Thunderchicken by 4.
How T-Bird2 can win: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. TB2 has dropped four in a row and since Daunte Culpepper went down with a knee injury, the Great One has been anything but. Needless to say, if the two-time league champ has any hope of stemming the Weather's tide, he'll need big DC to strap on his jock and toss some TDs to Moss, Carter and Co.
How the Weathermen can win: It's all about momentum at the WeatherCenter these days. Things are looking up for Bubba (who is usually looking up at stuff) after a big win over the Jayhawks propelled him past former roomie Hodges and into fifth place in the standings.
Prediction: Open up and say Ahhhhh ... man Green. Bubba's favorite Packer has found his stride and is averaging just over 17 points per contest in his last three. Warner ain't been half bad either -- he's averaging 19 a game over his last four. With T-Buzzard's receiving corps playing like a bunch of asswipes (TimE's words) and Frank "Everyone needs a" Wycheck wasting away on the bench, the 'Birds are ripe for an early exit. Plus, I gotta pick Bubba after he brought steaks to da house for last Sunday's football feast.
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 1 Jellypop Fighters vs. No. 8 Heelbillys.
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Locale: Dave's Casino and Resort (OK, all they have are video poker machines, the only gambling legal in S.C.)
Head-2-head: Road Runner vs. the real Wile E. Coyote was never this lopsided. The Gambler won Week 1 and Week 7 matchups by 35- and 51-point margins, respectively, and owns a 5-1 all-time record vs. the 'Yotes.
Postseason history: Inaugural meeting. Both teams have been to the playoffs once; both teams have 0-1 postseason records.
The line: Magic 8-Ball says Gamblers by 10.
How the Gamblers can win: Buy Rod Smith some ankle braces. Double D needs his No. 2 draft pick to play, especially now that No. 1 Edge James is done for the year. Favre shouldn't have a problem torching the "Flaming T" secondary -- Tennessee has surrendered 21 touchdowns through the air.
How Wile E. Coyotes can win: Peyton Manning seems determined to set some sort of record for interceptions in a season. It shouldn't take an Acme Accuracy Kit to get Peyton back on the touchdown track against the Falcons. Toss in a little Alstott and two of the hottest WRs in football right now -- Tim Brown and Chris Chambers -- and you can see why the Gambler may fold his hand this week.
Prediction: Billo starts muttering Mora-like phrases "Playoffs!?! Playoffs?" and "That sucked" after this one. The Commish only hopes the Wiley One doesn't try to blame him for giving bad advice on which players to start.
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 3 Jayhawks vs. No. 6 Carolina Killers.
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Locale: The Nest (where the 'Hawks never lay an egg)
Head-2-head: The Jayhawks swept the season series, winning by 17 in Week 1 and 30 in Week 10. At 3-9, da Killah hasn't had much luck in the all-time series either.
Postseason history: Da Killah won a Season II semifinal tussle on his way to a Tech Bowl title, while the 'Hawks won a Season III first-round matchup.
The line: 'Hawks by 8.
How the Jayhawks can win: Jayhawk resident jabbermouth Terrell Owens almost talks more than he scores, and last week he finally had a meltdown with a zero-point effort in an embarrassing loss to the Weatherbubbas. There's nothing Jay hates more than a loss to the Meteorologists, so it's time to whip out the old Al Davis "just win, baby" speech, call T.O. some names and hope he busts out on Sunday. He's either taking us to the Tech Bowl, or taking us down with him.
How Carolina Killers can win: Hodges has instructed Stud of the Year favorite Jeff Garcia to throw lots of touchdowns -- to J.J. Stokes, Tai Streets, Eric "the additional weapon" Johnson, Garrison Hearst ... anybody but T.O. Corey Dillon's been silent for the past few weeks, so he's probably due for one of those 275-yard, 3-TD weeks.
Prediction: The Nest will be reverberating with the sounds of "ROCK ... CHALK ... JAY ... HAWK!" by the fourth quarter. What does that chant mean, anyway? No one outside the state of Kansas really knows, but Chris Washburn once asked Jimmy V the same thing during the 1986 NCAA Midwest Regional final in Kansas City. Coach replied, "That means we are in deep doo doo."
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 2 Gamblers vs. No. 7 Wile E. Coyotes.
