Draft 2001, perhaps the longest in league history, came to an end near midnight Saturday, with Bubba and Batcho whimpering into their diet colas while Todd and Billo, who together spent nearly 10 whole minutes preparing for the draft, were last seen actually giddy about how it turned out.
Here's a quick recap:
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| Aw, man! My contract doesn't say anything about diaper duty! |
Second round: It doesn't take too long for the first pick that draws guffaws from the rest of the league. Wayne starts round two by taking Brian Griese. Bottoms up, Brian!
Third round: Bubba makes the first in a series of questionable moves by taking Keyshawn Johnson with the fourth pick. If Johnson were half as good at running routes as he is at running his mouth, this would be a good pick. As it were, Bubba could have waited. Steve takes a chance by picking rookie running back Michael Bennett with his third pick. The draft is now two hours long.
Fourth round: This round is interrupted by the arrival of the pizza. Batcho starts twitching when the warm Domino's box is opened. Wayne shows it's never too soon to compound one bad pick with another and selects Denver's backup tailback - Terrell Davis - with the first pick of the fourth round. Perhaps he is holding out hope that the Marines will recall Mike Anderson into service to quell another uprising in the Middle East.
Fifth round: Bubba tries to start a run on eighth-round picks by selecting Carolina's Muhsin Muhammad. Nice try, but nobody else bites. Except for Batcho, who selects Oakland's No. 3 wide receiver, Jerry Rice (didn't he used to be good?). The defending champs continue to load up on running backs, selecting San Diego rookie LaDanian Tomlinson. The commish tries to circulate a petition to have the draft start over, but it fails to get out of conference committee. Kevin's wife makes her one allotted pick and selects Kansas City quarterback Trent Green. Kevin should let her make more picks.
Sixth round: Bubba takes Mike Anderson with his sixth pick and prays for peace. Just minutes after Bubba makes his pronouncement against drafting Florida receivers, David pays him no heed and selects Seattle Darrell Jackson with the 59th overall pick. ESPN has Jackson rated No. 91 in the draft, two slots ahead of Carolina running back Tim Biakabatuka, whom Timmy Ellington obligingly selects with the next pick to divert attention from David's colossal blunder.
Seventh round: With the draft now approaching the four-hour mark, Bubba awakens from a brief nap and begins muttering in Spanish. Timmy reminds him he's in North Carolina now, and the drawl reappears. For about the 35th time in the draft, after a player is selected, Todd says something to the effect, 'who does he play for? I never heard of him.' Batcho starts a run on kickers by taking Baltimore's Matt Stover. He apparently doesn't think Elvis Grbac will be any more successful at getting the Ravens into the end zone than Tony Banks was. But wait, didn't Batcho draft Grbac the round before?
Eighth round: The commish, biting on the bait left by Batcho, selects Oakland's Sebastian Janikowski, who is rated the No. 141 player in the draft by ESPN. Maybe he thinks Janikowski can bribe some of these replacement refs into calling his errant kicks good. The run on kickers is in full force, as Bubba takes Mike Vanderjagt and Timmy selects Jason Elam. Batcho appears to be having second thoughts about Grbac and takes Brad Johnson.
Ninth round: Confused about the number of quarterbacks he can play at any one time, Batcho takes Seattle's Mike Hasselbeck. Nine rounds into the draft, and Ron is still lacking a tight end and defense. Bubba takes Seahawks rookie Koren Robinson four picks earlier.
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| Can you believe Todd would rather hang with this little fella than be with us at the draft? |
11th round: Timmy tries to make up for a series of bad picks by selecting Tennessee's Steve McNair. Bill selects Stephen Alexander and immediately regrets it for no apparent reason. Batcho wises up and selects the Chiefs defense. It'll be three more rounds before he gets around to selecting a tight end.
12th round: With the draft approaching hour six and the commish's attention span shortening, a movement is made to put the rest of the draft on auto commish. It fails, but at least makes some people stop agonizing about drafting players who will never play for them anyway.
13th round: Jellypop's daddy decides he's been away from his baby too long and hits the road. He leaves his draft in the capable hands of the Commish's auto-draft.