| ��� | No. 1 Jayhawks 1033 points 11-2 record |
| No. 8 Jellypop Fighters 684 points 3-10 record | ��� |
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THE COMMISH'S SEASON V TOTALLY OBJECTIVE FIRST ROUND PLAYOFF PREVIEW
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Locale: The Nest (where the 'Hawks never lay an egg)
Head-2-head: The 'Hawks won both meetings, administering whippings in Week 9 (62-42) and Week 13 (118-81).
Postseason history: Inaugural meeting. The 'Hawks have finished runner-up in each of the past two Tech Bowls.
The line: 'Hawks by 25 1/2.
Player edge to: Jay. Duh! With Kurt Warner returning, this could be the greatest team ever assembled. One downer: Ravens Jamal Lewis and Shannon Sharpe have "get out of game free" cards.
Coaching edge to: Jay. Despite early season lineup gaffes, it's hard to mess up this lineup. Coach Jellypop will likely be distracted by his mascot, who will require several diaper changes during the game.
Intangibles: Jelly. One look at the Fighters' mascot and the crowd could fall victim to the "cute" factor. Of course if it gets ugly early and the kid starts crying, fans may head for the exits and watch the game from the quiet comfort of a living room TV. Nothing breaks Jay's heart like an empty Nest.
Prediction: Little Ellis Henry takes his first steps while dancing to the beat of "Who Let the 'Hawks Out" by the Baja Birds ... The kid also sheds tears after being startled by the sight of a 6-foot-tall Jayhawk mascot, which gets pummeled by Coach McGee for scaring his boy. Nevertheless, the Fighters take a licking on the field but cover the spread.
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 4 Bottlerockets vs. No. 5 Berserkers.
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Locale: The Launch Pad (Jay & Silent Bob are having fun with that one)
Head-2-head: Series split -- the 'Rocks won 62-56 at the Pad in Week 5, while the host Berserkers took a Week 10 matchup, 56-42, at Qwick-Stop Corner.
Postseason history: Inaugural meeting. The 'Rocks are the Season III Tech Bowl champs, while Berserker has yet to advance past Round One in two tries.
The line: Pick 'em.
Player edge to: Berserker. In any other week it could be a toss-up, but the 'Rocks will be going without two of his big guns -- kicker Matt Stover and the Ravens defense.
Coaching edge to: Berserker. Ring showed his cunning management abilities by dealing Cade McClown for Daunte the Great after Week 1.
Intangibles: Rocks. Word has it owner/GM/coach Ron Batcho will pull a Herb Sendek and do a halftime dance with crowd pleaser Mean Jean Lorscheider. If that doesn't ignite the Bottlerocket faithful, nothing will!
Prediction: Yes, it goes against the old TFFL truth "Everyone needs a Wycheck," but Berserk wins this one, leaving Jay & Silent Bob to put on the wildest post-game celebration the Pad has ever seen.
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 1 Jayhawks vs. No. 8 Jellypop Fighters
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Locale: The Swamp (Who will Mona pull for? The home team or her boy?)
Head-2-head: Hominy dumped his old high school buddy in Week 12, 48-37.
Postseason history: Inaugural meeting. The farthest Hominy has gone is the semifinals in Season III, while the W-men won last season's Tech Bowl.
The line: Swamps by 5.
Player edge to: Hominy, barely. It really depends on injuries, the best of which involves Curtis Martin's butt. (Isn't it ironic ...: Hominy's Favorite Martin suffered the injury while giving the Whithermen a swift ass-kicking in Week 12.)
Coaching edge to: Hominy. The man turns in a lineup every week, which is better than I can say for Bubba! If not for some excellent commish insight last week, W.M. would have had Tiki and C.D. on the bench!
Intangibles: Weatherman. Coach Bubba was overheard telling each and every one of his players he/she would be deported to Cuba (a stone's throw away from the WeatherCenter Dome in Miami) if they lost this game.
Prediction: The Baysden clan makes the long trek from Richlands to Hominy to witness a mild upset. Coach Bubba is pleased but still exports Plax Burress to Castroland just because he can. (I know, I know, it's not the popular pick but they are still the Tech Bowl champs.)
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 3 Carolina Killers vs. No. 6 Wile E. Coyotes
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Locale: The Carolina Killing Floor (Where "knifing through the defense" takes on a whole new meaning)
Head-2-head: The 'Yotes took advantage of the 49er-less Killers in Week 13, 69-37.
Postseason history: Inaugural meeting. The 'Yotes make their playoff debut (fresh meat on the Killing Floor!) against Season II's Tech Bowl champs.
The line: Killers by 14 1/2.
Player edge to: Killer. Did you know? Jimmy Smith has just 3 points in his past 8 starts? The Wile E.'s best running back is his quarterback! If only Warrick Dunn could transform himself into Charlie Ward ...
Coaching edge to: Killer. The 'Yote basically threw in the towel when he inserted Tony Richardson into the starting lineup.
Intangibles: Killer. Who in their right mind can pull for a Yankee fan to win our league?
Prediction: Considering Killer is loaded with Niners, and they play the Chargers this week, and Fred Taylor has been on fire, it's kind of a no-brainer. And despite a valiant effort from The Great Torry Holt, this one will forever be known as "Coyote Ugly."
What's next for the victor: Winner of No. 2 Hominy Swampers vs. No. 7 Weathermen
