Tech Bowl Preview

The Commish's Season IV TECH BOWL PREVIEW

Last week: OK, OK. Taking me to Vegas wouldn't be the brightest of ideas. The Commish struck out in his only two at-bats, as T-Bird2 buckled like Stephen Davis' ankle and the Greens came out one-point losers in yet another tooth-and-nail clawfest with the W-men. Overall record: 2-4.

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No. 5 JAYHAWKS (847 pts., 8-5) vs. No. 3 WEATHERMEN (820 pts., 5-7-1)

Locale: This one has to be played on a neutral court. Moonshine's Doghouse, vacant since the franchise disbanded following Season I, gets the nod.

Head-2-head: The Jayhawks swept, winning 86-50 in Week 4 and 74-71 in Week 9. What about all-time, you ask? That depends on your definition of "contest." The 'Hawks own a 5-1 advantage.

Postseason history: Never met. The Jayhawks lost to the Bottlerockets in Tech Bowl III. The Weathermen have never advanced past the semifinals.

How they got here: The Jayhawks thank Randy Moss, as well as T-Bird2's receiving corps (or is that corpse?), for a 75-54 upset. The W's slept-walked their way to a 38-37 win over the equally inept Collard Greens.

Who has the edge? One question provides us with the answer: Who can screw up the least? If the Jays sit Muhsin Muhammad in a 29-point week, W'men tops it by starting a kicker who no longer has a starting job in the NFL. This matchup -- probably the most unlikely and least attractive -- may go down in history as the one that set the league back 10 years. The only thing that really makes this matchup interesting is that neither team has ever won anything.

Out of the X-Files: If you combine the last names of the two running backs who scored for the Weathermen last week, you get James Garner -- the star of that great 1984 flick, "Tank." ... Last week, one-third of the Jayhawks' lineup has at one time been featured in a police lineup -- Kerry (Occifer, can you take me drunk I'm home) Collins, Randy (Beatin' up white folks is fun) Moss, and Eric (The check's in the mail, bitch) Moulds. ... There's a striking difference in the mugs of two Weather backs -- Mike Alstott, a dead ringer for Brad Pitt, and Edge James, who bears a strong resemblance to the bottom of a septic tank. ... Two Week 15 W'men starters have had their battles with the bottle -- Brett Favre, of course, overcame a drinking problem. Kicker Michael Husted went to school at Virginia and therefore must have had a major drinking problem at one time.

Prediction: Weathermen, 78-73. I have been known to be wrong from time-to-time, though.

What's next for the victor: Fame, glory, women, drugs, Disneyworld.

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