Baysden's Season IV PRE-DRAFT GUIDE
Of course, those feelings of fraternity are tempered by the desire to beat the begeebers out of everyone else and take all their money, uh, I mean daisies.
Looking back, I'm reminded of something Technician's greatest and tallest editor in chief wrote in his last column (the fact he "borrowed" it from the Grateful Dead is irrelevant): What a long strange trip it's been.
We've seen the league evolve from an eight-team gaggle of editors, advisors and frat boys (one of which couldn't figure out which name came first-and was still the smarter of the two), who all had Technician in common to a 10-team hodge-podge (no Steve pun intended). Membership now spans three states and several owners have never met each other.
The strange thing is that the league now seems more stable than ever. After the first year we wanted to expand -- but had more trouble giving away memberships than a comet-worshipping cult. We settled for an eight-team league again, but still had four new members. Last year we had two new teams and a new co-owner (a first in TFFL history). This season we return everybody and have finally expanded to that elusive 10th team.
Maybe most importantly, we now have a league full of guys we all like. There are still rivalries of course -- T-Bird-Weathermen and Weathermen-Jayhawks come to mind as the best -- but those are good-natured. It's nothing like the early Ace vs. Anybody hate fests. You lost that one and... well, put it this way: post-pardem depression had nothing on you for about a week.
The question is, what keeps us all coming back (even me)? Of course, it's a kick to "own" your own team. Moreover, it's a cool way to compete against friends and show off how much you know about football. And of course, a few extra daisies never hurts ... But in the end, I think it all comes down to the fact that fantasy football is the ultimate inside joke.
Where else can you communicate so much with two simple words? Look at Jay and say "Ironhead Heyward." Or say "Barry Sanders" to Ring. Or, as Tim Ellington once said gleefully, "Bret Favre." Need I say more?
Sentimentality aside, it's time for Baysden's pre-season draft guide. Here's how I see the first round going:
1. Kenny Rogers: Well, unless Dave's still pining for Warrick Dunn, this pick is a complete no-brainer. He will have consulted with dozens of fantasy magazines and run countless computer probability programs, but the decision will ultimately come down to the discussion he had with Fantasy Draft Guru Kevin "Kiper" Ring. Pick: Barry Sanders.
2. Thunder Buzzards: Tim will be tempted to once again utter the B and F words, but he realizes Packer boy can't carry him to a TFFL title anymore (just ask Roncho). So (league) Father Time will also decide to go with a running back who has the two most important qualities a Thunder Buzzard can possess: (1) a nose for the endzone and (2) a Deadskins uniform. Pick: Skip Hicks.
3. Weathermen (from Swamp Thang): Dave and Tim's stupidity is the Meteorologists' gain. The W-men have never had a championship QB from draft day to Week 17 and we're not about to let this opportunity pass. See ya suckers, I'm off to the bank to deposit my TFFL earnings. Pick: John Elway.
4. Kevin's Ringers: Big Kev is pretty disappointed that Barry's gone. Moreover, with Amanda stuck at the bridal shower throw down, he's stuck without his G.M. ("Hooooooney, I recognize that Steve Young guy. He's a Horsey, right? Oh, he's not a Bronco? Well, pick him anyway. He's cute."). All he can do is revert to the strategy from his rookie year (pun intended). Pick: Tim Couch.
5. Hodge-kin's Disease: This is an easy one. Steve has no idea who he'll pick now and won't know on draft day. After his time limit expires, he'll still be huddled in the fetal position, rocking back and forth while humming "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" like it was the seventh inning stretch at Wrigley. After all attempts to elicit a pick from him fail, the Commish is forced to decide for him. Pick (via Jay): Frank Wycheck.
6. Swamp Thang (from the Weathermen): Swampy briefly flirts with the idea of taking somebody good, but being a homer, he settles for a Panther. Pick: Timshiamonga Biakawhaterevhisnameis.
7. Bottle Caps: Roncho, of course, is pissed off because he wanted to pick all those guys, but previous owners "stole" his ideas. He mutters the first Jet name that comes to his mind and stomps off in a fit of rage to find a steering wheel. Pick: Quinn Early.
8. Gayhawks: Jay immediately caves in to his merchantile desires and trades the pick to Batcho, who has quickly returned with Steve's steering wheel and a new plan. Batcho gives Jay his 3-5 round picks and takes Jay's No. 8 selection. Says the trader King, "I can't lose with two third-rounders. It's the meat of the draft." Says Batcho, "I can't lose with two Jets." Pick: Wayne Chrebet.
9. Brussel Sprouts: The two-header monster gets into a massive fight over whether to pick Rod Tidwell or John David Smith. They compromise. Pick: Rod Smith.
10. Acme's No. 1 Customer: BillO has a Giant problem. He's gotta go with the best N.Y. boy he can find. Pick: Giants D.