Valentine's Day With NSYNC
...And Britney Too
By: Nolen
Britney: Happy Valentine's day, Justy baby!
Justin: Uh, thank you baby.
Britney: I have a gift for you!
Justin: *mumbles* Aw, shit.
Britney: What honey?
Justin: Nuttin'...
Britney hands Justin a box with a red bow on it.
Britney: Here.
Justin: Thank you!
He opens it.
Justin: Dayum girl!
He holds up an even bigger jTr necklace.
Justin: This be sweet!
Britney: You're welcome!
She stares at Justin with an anxious smile.
Justin: What?
Britney continues to stare at him.
Britney: Well?
Justin: What bitch? Dayum, I know ah'm beautiful, but quit starin', yo!
Britney: What did you get me Justy?
Justin: Oh, I left that shit in the car.
He gets up and gets his car keys, runs out to the car and drives away.
Justin drives to Ethal M. Chocolates. He sees Joey's car parked outside.
Justin: Good, he can give me some chocolat-tay he be buyin'.
Justin walks in to find all the shelves bare. Joey is standing at the counter trying to carry all $50,000 worth of chocolate.
Justin: Hey Joe?
Joey: Not now, Justin.
Justin: You help a brotha' out, I'll help a brotha' out.
Joey drops all his chocolate.
Joey: What?
Justin: Gimme summa that!
Joey: Hell no! Buy your own!
Justin: Bitch! You bought the whole damn store! There ain't shit else to get!
Joey: Too bad huh?
Justin: Oh, so you wanna box?
Joey: I'll sit on you.
Justin: A man, we be coo.
Justin walks out to his car and contemplates where to go next. He decides to go to Victoria's Secret. This time he see's Lance's car parked outside.
Justin: What the hell is dat foo' doin' here? He ain't got no woman!
Justin walks in and begins looking for Lance.
Justin: Lance? Is you here?
Lance: *from a dressing room* Just a sec, Justin!
The dressing room door opens and Lance comes out, wearing a pink teddy.
Lance: What do you think, Justin? Pink or red?
Justin: UGH!
Justin runs out of the store and begins throwing up in the street. Lance comes running out wearing a flowing blue nightgown.
Lance: Justin, dear, what's wrong?
Justin: Get the hell away from me!
He runs to his car and peels out.
Lance: Nooo!!
He falls to the ground and then stands back up..
Lance: I think I'll go with the red. It's very Scarlett O'Hara.
Justin drives to the Kitty Kat Klub to see if he can find something for Brit (and himself)
Justin: *swings open the doors* The J-Pimp is in da house!
All the strippers: Oh God...
Justin: Gimme a lapdance, Sex Kitten!
Sex Kitten: No Justin, Britney kicked my ass last time, remember?
Justin: Oh yeah.. I'll give you money.
Sex Kitten: How much?
Justin pulls all his money out of his pocket and counts it.
Justin: $8.
Sex Kitten: Get the hell outta here.
Justin: Man, is there anything I can buy for my woman here?
Sex Kitten: Not for $8! But you know what you can do?
She leans over Justin very seductively.
Justin: Wha?
Sex Kitten: Get your smelly, drugged out friend outta here!!
She points to a big ball of sweaty JC in the corner.
Justin: Why am I always savin' that mutha fucka's ass?
He gets up and drags JC out to the car. He opens the trunk and shoves him in it.
Justin is all out of ideas and totally annoyed. He drives to Doc's Saloon. Here, he see's Chris's car.
Justin: *walks through the doors* Never fear, J-Dawg is here!!
Beer nuts fly at Justin's head.
Chris: *drunken at the counter* J, come over here!
His words are slurred and slobbery.
Justin: What up? How come you ain't home with Danielle?
Chris: I got her a rose and candy for Valentine's day and she called me a cheap ass scrub and threw me out. She's mad 'cuz I spent $5,000 on the dog, and only $7 on her.
Justin: You got a rose and candy for $7?
Chris: Yeah.
Justin: Where at?
Chris: 7-11.
Chris begins to sob.
Justin: I'll catch you on the flip side!
Justin jumps in his car and gets on the freeway. He is minutes away from 7-11 when he hears loud banging.
Justin: What the fuck??
He pulls over to the side of the road and opens the trunk.
Justin: JC, get the fuck out.
JC: How the hell did I get in here?
Justin: I put yout nasty self in there. Now get out! Muh mutha fuckin' Benz is gonna smell like period and ass for weeks!
JC: At least it won't smell like your cologne.
He gets out of the trunk and Justin picks him up and throws him over the over pass.
Justin: Bitch.
Justin gets back in his car and drives to 7-11. The cashier begins to squeal with delight when he walks through the door.
Cashier: Oh my God!
Justin: What up baby?
Cashier: Hehe.
Justin grabs the only rose left, which is half wilted, and a Big Hunk candy bar.
Justin: I'll let you kiss me if you give me this rose, this candy bar, a balloon, and a bottle of vodka for $8.
Cashier: Ok!
She leans over and kisses Justin. Then she bags all the stuff and he leaves.
When he walks in the door, he finds a very angry Britney.
Britney: Where the hell have you been?
Justin: *drinks the rest of his vodka* Gettin' yo shit outta da car.
Britney: For 4 hours?!
Justin: Yup, here.
He hands Britney a paper bag with a half deflated "Happy Birthday" balloon tied to it.
Britney: Justin, it's Valentine's Day.
Justin: My bad.
Britney: Aw hell.
She opens the bag and pulls out the rose and candy bar.
Britney: What the hell?
Justin: What, you don't like it?
Britney: You asshole!
Justin: What bitch?
Britney: You forgot Valentine's day?! You just went and bought this! And it's not even good! You broke ass jerk!
Justin: You know what I have to say to your bitch ass?
He snatches the bag from Britney's hands.
Britney: What?
Justin: Thank heaven for 7-11! Bitch!
Britney picks up the necklace she bought for Justin.
Britney: Oh yeah?
Justin: Yeah!
Britney: Thank heaven for K-Mart, punk! Now get the hell out!
Britney throws Justin out the door and locks it behind him.
