A Day With Britney
By: Nolen
Well, I bet you're wondering why we're behind bars. I'll tell you, it all started when I was walking to K-Mart...
Man: Are you Nolen?
Nolen: Who da hell is you?
Man: Are you Nolen?
Nolen: Maybe.
Man: ARE YOU NOLEN?
Nolen: Bitch, I said maybe!
Man: *sighs* Nevermind..
He begins to walk away.
Nolen: Aiight....AY! Yeah, I'm Nolen!
Man: *monotone* You won a day with Britney Spears.
Nolen: Fo'Realz?? NICE!!!
Man: *monotone, again* You can bring a friend, you will be picked up right here at noon tomorrow.
Nolen: PIMP!!!
The next day, Nolen and Jen are standing on the corner.. at six a.m.
Jen: Why the hell did we come so fuckin' early?
Nolen: They might come sooner.
Jen: Dumbass.
Nolen: What bitch?
Jen: I'm tired.. I'm hungry.. I'm bored...
Nolen: Let's do something then!!
Jen: Like what?
Nolen: Beat box!!
Jen: What?
Nolen: *lifts up fist* I said beat box yo!!
Jen: *cringes* Ok.
Jen begins to beat box.
Nolen: YO, yo, my name be Nolen, I's sittin' on da corner wit muh ghetto ass sista.
Jen: That doesn't rhyme.
Nolen lifts her fist again.
Jen: Sorry.
She continues to beat box.
Nolen: I ain't got nuthin' else to do wit muh time, yo, so I'm sittin' here spitten' dis rhyme.
Jen: Yo.
Nolen: *lifts fist* BITCH!!
Jen: Sorry.
She continues to beat box.
Nolen: Muh name is Nolen, brother of Joe, I got me sum crack, I want me sum hoes. Lemme hear you say yeah...
Jen: Nolen, first of all--
Nolen lifts her fist.. AGAIN.
Nolen: Shut up!
Jen: You can't do SHIT!!
Nolen: *sniff* so...
Jen: Anyways, first of all, you stole that from Dead Man on Campus, plus you don't have a brother named Joe.
Nolen: So.... *under breath* dis bitch needs to shut da hell up..
Jen: What white girl??
Nolen: Shut up, it ain't muh fault muh grammer beez ebonics.
Jen: That's it!!!
She jumps on Nolen and they begin to wrestle on the street corner. A limo pulls up. Britney gets out.
Britney: Hey, you must be Nolen!
Nolen and Jen continue fighting.
Britney: Ok, ya'll need to stop.
Still fighting.....
Britney: Hell-Lo!!
Nolen and Jen stop...
Nolen: Oh, what up? Sorry 'bout dat.
Britney: It's ok...
Jen: HIYEEEEEEEE, I'm Jennifer!!!!
Britney: Hi, yeah. So, the plane leaves in like an hour. I'm like 2 hours late. Sorry, I was, uh.... on the phone.... *twirls hair* (softly) digital digital get down---
Nolen: UGH!!! Shut up!!
Britney gives Nolen the evil eye.
Britney: Get in.
We all get in the limo.... Thus begins our journey to Connecticut.
Nolen: Why in tha hell are you starin' at your phone girl? Is there a mirror in it or somethin'?
She cracks up laughing, everyone else is silent.
Nolen: Sorry.
Jen: She's seeking help.
Britney: Good.
We arrive at the airport at 1:10 and run to the gate.
Britney: My boobies hurt from running.
Nolen: Dats cuz dey fake yo!!
She cracks up to herself.... again.
Britney begins to cry. We get on the plane. Nolen beat boxes the whole way there and when they get off, Jen beats her with her carry on bag. They get in a limo and go to the mall.
Britney: I'm going to give you two each a hundred dollars!!
Jen: Uh, Brit, can I call you Brit? Didn't your album go Diamond?
Britney: *twirls hair* ummm.....yeah, it did!!
Jen: Then I think you can give us more than a hundred dollars.
Britney: Two hundred then! Yay! *claps hands*
Nolen: Dumbass....
Jen: How about a thousand?
Britney: K! *claps hands again*
Nolen: I'm 'bout to bust out muh nine and shoot dis hoe right in her face.
Jen: *looks around* I think you would get caught, or else......JULIE!!
Julie comes running up to Jen and Nolen. Britney is standing in front of the dressing room mirrors, spinning in circles and clapping her hands.
Julie: What are you two doing here?
Nolen: Shopping wit Barbie bitch.
Julie: I thought you liked her?
Nolen: She be annoying.
Britney's cell phone rings.
Britney: H to the E to the LL - O!!
Nolen: Daymn! Shut her up!!
Britney: No, we're at Be-Be.... you come here... I have new best friends that I want you to meet!! Ok....bye! *hangs up phone and continues to twirl her hair*
Jen: Who was that?
Britney: Juuuuuuuustin.
Jen: He's coming here?
Britney: Yuuuuuup.
Nolen and Julie: SWEET!
Jen: Is he bringing Joey?
Britney: Mayyyyyyyyyyybe. AAAAAHHHHH! *Britney falls to the floor*
Nolen: *cracks up* HOE-DOWN!
Justin and Joey walk in.
Nolen: HELL YEAH!!
They walk over to the girls.
Justin: Where be Brit-Brit?
Nolen: Yo--
Jen: Shut up Nolen. She was spinning....and she fell.
Joey: Again? Damn, I'm hungry...
Jen: Me too.
Jen and Joey look passionately into each other's eyes.
Joey: My soulmate....
Jen: My love....
They begin to kiss wildly.
Nolen and Justin: UGH!!
Julie: Yeah, UGH...!
Jen and Joey are rolling on the floor.
Nolen: Yo, dem foo's be nasty.
Justin: Fo'realz...
Julie: Yeah!
Nolen: Bitch, shut-up!
Julie: You're just trying to take Justin!!
Nolen: You don't got him! The dizzy bitch does!
Justin: *points to Britney* Dat bitch be crazy yo.
Julie: Yeah!
Nolen: BITCH!!
Justin: Y'all should fight.
Nolen: We should, fo'sho!
Julie: *sniff* I thought we were best friends??
Nolen: People change!!
Justin: Heh heh...
Julie: Alright, let's do this.
Julie takes off her shoes.
Nolen: What the hell does this look like, Jerry Springer? Bitch, put your shoes back on!!
She puts her shoes back on.
Justin: Y'all should get butt-naked and wrestle!!
Nolen: Naw....
Julie: K!
Nolen: UGH!! Lesbianna! *She tackles Julie*
Nolen and Julie are wrestling on the ground, they roll over by Jen and Joey.
Joey: Hey...
Jen: My God, they're at it again.
Joey: Do they do this all the time?
Jen: Yup, they're always fighting over Justin.
Joey: I hope we never fight.
Jen: Me too!
Joey: Will you.... marry me?
He pulls an onion ring out of his pocket and puts it on Jen's finger.
Jen: Yes!!
They begin to passionatly make out, again.
Nolen pins Julie to the ground with her feet and pushes a big clothes rack on top of her. Britney wakes up.
Britney: Ju-Ju bean?!?!
Nolen: *hands up in victory* I WON!!!!
Justin: Brit-Brit Bear?!?!
Nolen: AY!!! I SAID I WON!!!
Britney and Justin begin to make-out. They hold hands and walk out of the store. Nolen picks up a platform strappy sandal and chucks it at Justin's head. It bounces off of his fro and hits Britney in the head, knocking her unconcious. Justin walks back to Nolen.
Justin: You wanna get wit dis?
Nolen: HELL YEAH!!!
Nolen and Justin begin to make-out on the floor. The store clerk walks up and tells them they have to leave.... they don't listen. Jen and Joey walk out of the store and skip merrily to the food court. As they are eating Jen's engagement ring, they both decide that Joey can afford a new one. Justin and Nolen get arrested for not leaving... Jen and Joey later get arrested for holding up the Panda Express. Britney was taken to the hospital.. she is still in a coma... as for Julie...she is currently trying to kill Nolen.....
