It�s been 15 years since NSYNC broke up. Jerry has gathered
the guys for a surprise reunion. Most of the people in
the audience are 30 year old women, mostly old fans of
NSync. Steve is on-hand and ready for action.
Jerry: Hello everyone! Welcome to the show! Today�s
topic is Washed Up Boy bands! And our special guests
are the teen heartthrobs of yester-year, NSYNC!!
The crowd bursts into screams and hollers.
Jerry: Our first guest, is the thinker, and sane one
of the group, JC Shhhh-zay!
The audience bursts into screams as a old man, who
somewhat resembles a bum walks out. He has a 3 foot
long beard and a needle sticking out of his arm.
Jerry: Hello JC!
JC: Huh?
Jerry: How have you been the past 15 years?
JC: What?
Jerry: How have you been?
JC: Er?
Jerry: Riiiggghhtttt....Okay, let�s go ahead and bring
out our next guest. He�s the heartthrob of the group,
Justin Timberlake!
Half of the audience passes out and the other half stand up and
scream until their throats are raw. You hear the
occasional �Wigga!� comment. Justin walks out in
clothes that are about 18 times too big for him, about
7 gold chains, one that says �Masta Justin�, a big
bleach blonde afro, and 3 hookers hanging off him.
Jerry: Hello Justin!
Justin: Sup dawg?
Jerry: How have you been the past 15 years?
Justin: Dawg, I�s be throwin the phatest parties on da
block, yo! Me and mah bitches be goin at it day and
night dawg! They know how to back that azz up!
Jerry: Uh, Justin?
Justin: Sup..
Jerry: You do know you�re white right?
Justin�s face goes as white as his afro.
Justin: I...I...I is not! I�s as black as black is yo!
Jerry: Oooookaaaaaay.....Let�s bring out our next
guest, here�s the older brother of the group, Chris
Kirkpatrick!
The audience is dead silent as a bald man comes out
dragging a dead dog behind him. He sits down and puts
the dog in his lap.
Jerry: Hi Chris!
Chris: Hello Jerry
Jerry: How have you been the past 15 years?
Chris: Well, after NSync broke up, I got married to
Danielle and we had 7 kids. Hi Chris, Christopher,
Christina, Chrissie, Danny, Danielle, and Dan!!
Anyways, we got divorced 3 years later, because
Danielle caught me in bed with this mexican midget
hooker named Bon-Bon.
Jerry: Ummm....okay....
Chris: Then, about 7 years later, poor Busta here got
cancer.
Chris looks down lovingly and pets Busta.
Chris: The
doctors said he either had 2 weeks to live or I could
put him to sleep. I chose the first one. Busta wasn�t
going to die! I knew it! And look at him now! He�s
healthy as ever! Sure, he�s a little slower, and he
can�t catch a ball anymore, but he�s still the same
ol� Busta!
He looks down at Busta again.
Chris: Huh boy?
I�ll never let those evil, evil doctors get a hold of
you. You�ll live forever, and no one can tell you
otherwise. You hear that boy? Yeah...
Jerry: Ooookay....let�s go head and bring out our next
guest. Here�s the cheerleader of the group, Joey
Fatone!
Several girls whoop and holler, while pieces of paper
with phone numbers on them get thrown on the stage,
Joey walks out in a Superman costume and sits down.
Jerry: Hello Joey!
Joey: Hi Jerry! Can I say hi to a few of my
girlfriends real quick?
Jerry: Go ahead.
Joey: Okay, Hi Vanessa, Adriana, Crystal, Keinisha,
Madison, Amber, Jazmine, Kathrine, Stephanie, Jessica,
Tiffany, Ashlee, Sandra, Marianne, Christina, Casey,
Brandy, Roxy, Amy, Amanda, Michelle, Nicole, Katy,
Becky, Jennifer, Aleana, Shay, Sarah, Briana, Lacy,
Marisol, Shaenna, LaTonya, Anna, Elizabeth, Naudia,
Patricia, Danielle, Ebony, Marlana, Tara, Cheri,
Eledia, Kelli Tiana, Marie, LaCandice, Lauren,
Natalie, Candice, Courtney, Erin, Shauna, Monica,
Sara, Kaylan, April, Megan, Emily, Krista, Kimberly,
LaRecee, Shameeka, Trina, Dimitria, Sidney, Elda,
Marie, Shi-Shi, Holly, LeeAnn, Sabrina, Brittney,
Leandra, Casey, Diamond, Adrienne, Trista, Amy, Becca,
Heather, Melissa, Lynell, RaMeesha, Sheena, Lisa,
Kristin, Danae, Fredrine, AnnMarie, Brandie, Jamie,
Alexis, Brianne, Hilary, Janet, Charisma, Belinda,
Valarie, Susie, Clarissa, Dayzia, Cecila, Amelia,
Dana, Shatoya, Elana, Alyssa, Amber, Cody, Stacie,
Jeanine, Ciara, Gabby, Shelby, Keisha, Karen, Liz,
RaShawn, Cassidy and Jusielle.
Crickets chirping.
Jerry: Uhh, yeah. Hi girls...so, Joey, what�s been
going on with you the past 15 years?
Joey: I broke the record for having sex with the most
women in one day...
Jerry: Ummm...
Joey: Yup!! I am now in the Guiness Book for having sex
with 967 women in one day. Boy did that take a lot out
of me.
Jerry: Wow, what an--honor...
Joey: Thanx!
Jerry: So, what�s with the Superman Costume?
Joey: What costume?
Jerry: The one you have on.
Joey: This isn�t a costume! I AM Superman!!
Jerry: No, you�re not.
Joey: Are you contradicting me?
Justin: Wow, Joey be usin' some big words..
Chris: Busta...you wanna play catch? We can now if you
want...no? Okay, you�re such a good boy. You never
bark, you never growl or bite or...
JC: Huh?
Jerry: No, I�m just saying, you�re not Superman.
Joey: You want proof?
He stands up and walks to the
end of the stage.
Joey: I�ll fly for you! I�m not supposed to
do this for entertainment purposes, but just so you�ll
believe me, I will!!
Justin: Joey has ta had gone to schoo' or sumthin'... he
be usin' some big words.
Jerry: No! No, it�s fine Joey, I believe you...
Joey: That�s what I thought...
Jerry: Okay, let�s go ahead and bring out the shy one
of the group. Lance Bass!
A person with long blonde hair, a tight pink mini
skirt, a white halter top, and platforms walks out.
Several men whistle, and Lance blushes. He ummm...she
sits down and crosses her/his legs.
Jerry: Lance?
Lance: *In a feminine voice* My name is not Lance
anymore, it�s Violet.
Jerry: Okay, hi Violet...
Joey: Damn Lance! You�re one fine ass bitch!!
La-Violet: Thank you Joey!
Jerry: So, Uh Violet, What�s been going on in your
life?
Violet: Well, after NSync broke up, I went back home
to Mississippi, 'cause, you know, I�m from Mississippi.
I met this hunk of a man named Ricardo, who of course
was a straight man. But I was just so sexually
attracted to this man, I had to have him. So, with my
NSync riches, the next day, I went to the hospital and
got a sex change. Next thing I knew, Ricardo was mine!
And what a Stallion!
Random Audience Member: You friggin freak!!
Everyone
looks at the man.
Violet: Ricki!! I didn�t know you were in the
audience!
Ricardo: Damn straight! I can�t believe you! Eww...Oh
my god!! I had sex with you!!
He gags.
Ricardo: Don�t you
ever come near me again!! Freak!
He runs off stage to
puke.
Violet: Jerry! What have you done!? Now I�ve lost the
only man I ever loved!
Violet/Lance puts her head in her
hands and cries.
Justin: Aww shut up. You�z be a baby, You�z alwaz waz
too homes. You gots ta be a man Lance! How many times
I gotts ta tell you dat?
Violet: But I�m not a man anymore! I�m a beautiful
woman!
Justin: A woman, maybe, but beautiful? Naw homes, dat
ain�t workin'.
Lance: Gosh, Justin! Why are you always like that? You
always put me down and make me cry!! Do you enjoy
making me cry?
He.. Umm, she looks down at her hands.
Lance: JUSTIN! You made my mascara run! Damn you!!
She rushes
off stage in tears.
Joey: Justin! Look what you did! She was hot too!
Justin: Joey! I knows you be a whore, but homes, that
was Lance!!
Joey: No, that was Violet!
Justin: I kno, but she used to be Lance! That be
nasty!
Joey: So? She�s still fione
JC: Huh?
Chris: Buusta!! Busta! BUSTA!! OH MY GOD!!! What�s
wrong with Busta?!?!
Everyone turns to Chris.
Chris: OH MY
GOD!!! HE�S DEAD!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Justin: Uh, Chris, I think he already be dead...
Chris: NO! He was alive like 5 minutes ago!!!
He starts
to cry.
Justin: No, he wasn�t, he was all like, smellin' and
shit, da dog be nasty homes.
Chris: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING JUSTIN!?!?!
Justin: Only dat Busta been dead for like 5 years.
Chris looks down tearfully.
Chris: Busta? You mean you�ve
been lying to me?? All those times you said �I�m fine
Chris!!� and �Don�t worry! Those maggots are normal!!�
you were lying!? I can�t believe you!!
He throws
Busta into the audience in disgust, A girl screams and
holds Busta up joyfully.
Girl: HE�S MINE!! MY COLLECTION IS COMPLETE!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
She runs off the stage and out the
door.
Jerry: Ummm....
Joey: Psycho...
Chris: I AM NOT A PSYCHO!!
Joey: Uh, yeah you are. You�re dragging around a dead
dog on a leash!
Chris: You think you�re Superman!!
Joey stands up.
Joey: I AM SUPERMAN!!
Chris: Let�s see!!
He pulls out a bag labeled
�Kryptonite�
Joey: NOOO!!!!
He falls to the floor.
Joey: I�M MELTING!!
After
a few more screams, he looks down and realizes he�s
not melting, He stands up in embarassment.
Chris: I told you!!
Joey: That�s not real Kryptonite!!
Chris: My ass!! I broke into a top secret base to get
this shit!!
Joey: I am here to protect the world against people
like you!!
Joey runs after Chris. Chris leaps off the
stage and out into the audience. Joey runs to the edge
of the stage and extends his arms in front of him UP
UP AND AWAY!!! He jumps and falls flat to the ground.
Meanwhile, Lance comes running out to the stage,
Mascara wand in hand. He runs to Justin and slaps him
across the face.
Lan-Violet: Look what you did!! MY MAKEUP IS
RUINED!!!!!!
Justin stands up.
Justin: Look bitch, I didn�t do nuthin' to
your nasty ass. Now if yous gonna come out here and be
slappin me, Bring it on!!
Lance slaps him again.
Justin: AWW
RIGHT BITCH! LET�S GO!!
Justin grabs La-VIOLET by the
hair and throws her off the stage.
Violet: Justin! You hit a woman! What would BRITNEY
think?!
Audience gasps.
Justin: Lance! You little whore!!
He rushes at
Violet and kicks her in her face.
Justin: I can�t believe
you!! You told the world my secret!!! That is so
wrong!
Audience gasps again at Justin�s use of white boy talk.
Justin: *stuttering* I-I mean, umm, I be not believin'
what yous just did homes!!
MEANWHILE Joey is chasing Chris around the audience
with a water gun.
Joey: You will die verman!!
Chris: BUSTA!! BUSTA!! SAVE ME!!
JC looks around at all the chaos and flying chairs.
JC: Huh...cool...
He chuckles dumbly and passes out.
Men in white jackets come out and seize Chris. They
drag him screaming off the stage.
Man: 'Bout time we found you!
He turns to Jerry.
Man: He broke
out of the insane asylum about a month ago, we haven�t
been able to find him!
Chris: BUSTA!!! BBBUUUUUSSSTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Joey: My work here is done.
He brushes himself and
walks to the studio window.
Joey: UP UP AND AWAY!!
He jumps
and falls the 12 stories to the ground.
MEANWHILE..back to Justin and Violet!
L-Violet: Justin! Please stop!!
Justin is beating Violet over the head with a chair.
Justin: No Bitch!! You slapped me and told everyone about me
bein' with Britney and now everyone knows I�m not
black!! BITCH WILL DIE!!!!
He hits Violet a few more
times.
Jerry: Okay...
He observes JC puking all over
himself.
Jerry: ...Umm, time for my final thought..
He sits in his chair in front of that green wall.
Jerry: Umm, well, all
I have to say is be careful people! For Gods sake!
There are weirdos out there! Join us tomorrow as we
talk with the remaining Backstreet Boys. About how
they feel after that horrible freak accident with the
shark tank, and if they miss their band members!
*Mumbling* Good God don�t let this be a mistake....
Jerry music plays and the show fades from a picture of
JC staring up at the ceiling, laughing maniacally.
