CoCoa-Nuts
3:46 am: News Broadcast
Anchor woman: We regreat to inform all of you *N Stink.. I mean, NSync, fans that their plane has crashed into the Pacific Ocean. They are presumed dead. Thank you for your time. We now return you to the Late, Late, Late, Late Show, hosted, by M.C. Hammer.
5:50 am: Justin, Joey, Lance, and JC all wake up washed ashore on some desolate, deserted, and very dirty island. (Mysteriously playing in the background~ For The Girl Who Has Everything) Lance wakes up and looks around. He begins to cry when he realizes he's far away from modern civilization, food, his mommy, and (most importantly) his stash of Play Girl magazines. He jumps to his feet and kicks Justin, Joey, and JC once in the head. Joey and JC wake up, but not Justin. The only thing that comes from him is a mumbled "Oh Britney, I like it ruff." All three guys begin kicking him repeatedly until he stands up.
Justin: Why y'all gotta waste mah flava? DAMN!!
JC: Shut up Justin!
He smacks Justin in the head, but his hand bounces of his hair. He kicks Justin instead.
JC: Quit acting like you're black!!
Joey: I'm hungry.
Justin, Lance and JC: Shut up Joey!!
Joey stares at the other guys blankly for a moment and says, "I'm hungry."
Justin: Yo, where Chris be at?
Lance: Who cares.
Justin: Yeah, you're right.
"Why do you run and hide? Say what you feel inside and.."
JC: Why does that damn song keep playing?
The other 3 guys shrug.
JC: Well, anyways, we're gonna have to make shelter. I want each of you guys to find a spot on the beach and build yourself some sort of tent. I'll check on you guys in 20 minutes.
All the guys go their seperate ways.
::20 Minutes later::
JC has built an impressive tent out of leaves. He goes to check on the other guys. He sees Joey with his back to him, sitting in the sand. He walks in front of him and sees his mouth surrounded by sand and full of something.
JC: Where's your tent?
Joey: I was hungry.
JC: You stupid bastard, you were eating sand?!?!
Joey: Uh huh, and these little green things that were slithering through it.
JC: Ugh! Dude, you're nasty, stay away from me. I'm gonna go see what the other guys have done, you stay here and play with your sand worms.
Joey: K!
He begins to dig through the sand.
JC walks over to Lance. He finds him putting pink flowers around the door of his stick house.
JC: Dude, you're a fag.
Lance: Oh stop it, silly. I am not!
JC: I've always heard those rumors, but I never thought they were true.
Lance: It appalls me that you would say a thing like that.
JC: Zip it Barbie. Let's go see how Justins doing.
They walk to Justin, where they find him squatting down, grunting, and bald. Behind him is an igloo, made of curly hair.
JC: Justin, what the hell?
Justin: Don't worry, it comes right back.
He lets out one loud grunt and a puff of hair appers on his head.
JC and Lance: Whoa...
Joey walks up with a handful of little tiny crabs.
JC: There are crabs on this beach?
Joey: These aren't from the beach.
The other guys stare at him, disgusted, as Joey pops the handful of crabs into his mouth.
Joey: Hey! Justin! You did that hair thing didn't you?
He turns to JC and Lance.
Joey: He did that this one time, me and Chris snuck into his room with a hair buzzer, and pulled down his pants, and--
Justin: That's enough!! ....Yo, man, we need some food.
Joey: YES!!
JC: I spotted some coconuts in this tree back--
Joey: Cocoa-nuts? I've never had chocolate flavored nuts before.
JC: God, you're a dumbass...
Joey, once again, stares at him blankly for a moment before saying, "I'm hungry."
Justin looks around.
Justin: Yo, where'd Lance go?
Lance then emerges from a bushel of trees with a halo of pink flowers on his head and three more in his hand. He skips to the other guys and places them on their heads, giggling the whole way.
JC: Dude, you're sick...
Lance: Am I?
JC: Uh, yeah.
Joey: JC, I think Lance would know if he wasn't feeling good.
JC, Lance and Justin: Shut up Joey!!
Joey: K!
He puts his hands down his pants and pulls out another hand full of crabs.
Joey: Want some?
JC: Joey, go play with yourself. We'll come find you later.
Joey: K!
He skips off happily with his hands down his pants, trailing crabs behind him.
Justin: Damn dawg, that bitch be sick yo. Dis one time, Lance, me and JC went to go see Joey at da hospi-, hospitable, hospi-
JC: HOSPITAL, Justin.
Justin: Yeah, hospital.
Lance: And?
Justin: And what?
Lance: And then what happened?
Justin: And then what happened wit what nigga? Quit trippin. Cause when you trip, other people trip. Then you got like, 40 some niggas trippin on your ass, and when niggas trip, you gotta watch out...
4 hours later.
Justin: ...And then they'll pound your ass for trippin on their mamas. And you know how da niggas be with their mamas-
JC: Shut the fuck up Justin!
Justin: Aiight.
Lance: Now, JC, hun, where were those nuts? I mean coconuts of course. How silly of me.
JC: Uh...yeah. They were back here.
JC turns around and starts to walk away, with Justin and Lance beind him. They reach a tall tree. He points up.
JC: Up there.
Justin: How the hell are we supposed to get up there?
Lance: I could shimmy up that in a Mississippi second!!
Joey walks up behind JC.
Joey: You guys, I'm hungry.
JC: SHUT UP!!! We're getting food!!
Joey: K!
JC turns around to see Lance halfway up the tree. He gets to the top and sits on a branch. 5 minutes pass....10 minutes pass...
JC: Lance! What are you doing??
Lance: There are beautiful pink and white flowers up here and I'm picking some for the--
Justin: Do your fag duties lata yo! I'm hungry!
Joey: Yeah! Me too!!
JC: SHUT UP JOEY!
Joey: K!
Lance throws down a few coconuts and one lands on JC, knocking him out.
Joey: You're funny JC!
Justin: Damn, Lance, get your pansy ass down here!
Lance jumps from the tree, mysteriously his shirt has disappeared.
Justin: You hit my dawg wit your nuts!
Lance giggles.
Justin: Wait, I mean. Hey, where be your shirt?
Lance: Well, it's really hot out here, and being that my shirts red, I figured I could wash it a few times and have a lovely pink curtain for my front window.
Justin stares at him for a moment.
Justin: Whatever. We need to get JC inside somewhere, so we can........um-
Joey: Fix him!!
Justin: Fix who? Bitch, shut up!
Lance: Take him to my tent. I'll take proper care of him.
Joey flings JC over his shoulder.
Joey: Are you gonna make us food, Lance?
Lance: Oh, I guess.
Joey, carrying JC, Lance and Justin all walk over to Lance's house. Joey throws JC on the floor, causing him to hit his head once again.
Justin: Dumbass.
Joey: Get to cookin' Lance.
Lance: Well, I'm going to have to ask you two to step outside. I need to undress, I mean, dress JC wounds.
Justin: He ain't bleedin'!
Lance: Out boys!!
He shoo's Justin and Joey outside then turns to JC.
Lance: We're finally alone JC.
He kneels down next to him and begins stroking his head lovingly.
Lance: JC, my love, wake up.
JC opens his eyes to see Lance hovering inches from his face.
Lance: Hi honey.
He pushes Lance away from him.
JC: DUDE!! Where the hell are your pants?!
Lance: My pants were too restricting. I like to be free JC.
JC tries to sit up.
JC: Dude, this is sick, I'm leaving.
Lance pushes JC back down.
Lance: No sweetie, rest.
JC: Lance! What the hell? Knock it off fag!
Lance: JC, can I ask you a favor?
JC: What?
He scoots closer to JC and breaks into song.
Lance: "Give me just one night!! Una Noche!"
JC: What the hell..?!
Lance: "A moment to be by your side!"
JC: Lance! Stop!
Lance: "Give me just one night!"
JC: Just one?
Lance: "Una Noche!"
JC looks into Lance's eyes and whispers "Una Noche.."
From outside Joey screams "No more For The Girl!!! WHOOOOHOOOO!!!!"
For The Girl starts again in the background.
Joey: "DAMNIT!"
Meanwhile, outside....
Joey looks at Justin hungrily.
Joey: I'm hungry.
Justin: Dawg, you may not realize this, but, I KNOW!!!
Joey: Your arm looks like a hot dog, your hair, like a Twinkie, filled with cream.
Justin: A, man, nah.
Joey licks his lips.
Joey: Jus, let me see your ring.
Justin lets Joey take his hand. Joey begins salivating heavily. He bites Justin's arm.
Justin pulls his arm away.
Justin: What the hell you think you doin'?
Joey: 'C mon Jus, you have another arm, just let me knaw on it.
Justin: A, no!
He takes off running, Joey follows him.
Justin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Justin leaps into a bush. Joey, blinded by hunger, keeps running past him. Justin hears a scream and a thud. He looks over to see that Joey had fallen into a hole.
Joey: Hel- hold up, there's snakes down here! *Arg* *Thud* *EEK* *Crunch* Tasty!
Justin: Uhhh........
From a bush right across from him, Justin hears giggles. He stands up, and looks at the bush. Sticking out of either end are two naked butts and legs. Justin walks over and looks over the bush to see JC and Lance, involved in a long kiss. Both wearing halos of pink flowers on their heads.
Justin: What the fuck?
Lance stands up.
Lance: We're being free and happy, Justin.
He strokes Justin's face.
Lance: You could be free and happy with us.
Justin: ......Nah, I'll pass.
Lance: Very well then.
He takes JC's hand and they begin skipping merrily. Pink flowers popping out of the ground behind them.
Justin: God damn homos...
Joey: Justin! JUSTIN!!
Justin walks to the hole and looks down at Joey.
Joey: Help me!
Justin: I'd rather not...
Justin looks at Joey for a moment before walking off, he finds a pile of leaves and lays down to take a nap. He dreams of skanks named Britney, rappers named Eminem, and his gramma's peach cobbler. Busta appears.
Busta: Juuuuuuustin...
Justin: Oh mah god! Noooo!!
Busta: You must kill the others Justin.
Justin: Naw dawg.... literally
Busta: Or I will kill you Justin! MUAH!
Justin sits up and starts screaming. Busta is gone. Much to Justin's disappointment, Britney and Eminem are gone too.
Justin: Dayum...I'ma kill that dog!
He stands up and walks out onto the beach. Joey sits where his igloo used to be.
Justin: Where the hell is mah crib??
Joey coughs up a ball of curly hair.
Joey: I was hungry.
Justin: How the hell did you get out of that hole?
Joey: I ate my way out!
"For the girl who has everything, I bring you love..."
Joey looks up.
Joey: Enough of that song!!
"You are...my fire! My one...desire!"
A high pitched scream is heard from the other side of the island.
Justin: Look what you did!
He kicks Joey.
Joey: So sorry.
He looks up.
Joey: Ok, not that either.
"For the girl who has everything, I give you love......"
Justin: Now what do we do?
Joey: Where's JC and Lance?
Justin: I dunno dawg, but they're sick yo...
Joey: I hope we don't get sick! That would be really bad! We don't have the proper nedication, or and doctors, or--
Justin: Joey! I mean they be nasty!
Joey: Well, that's dumb. I mean, they have an ocean right there they could easily take a bath in. Even though we don't have the proper shampoos or--
Justin slaps Joey upside the head.
Justin: Don't speak without permission from now on, ok?
Joey: K!
He starts eating his snakes.
They hear splashing, and voices. They look over to see Chris running with the entire cast of Baywatch.
Justin: Baywatch babes and bouncin' titties! Oh yeah!
Chris: Are you guys okay?
Justin: I guess.
He looks at all the women.
Justin: Can I touch 'em?
They all nod.
Chris: Justin, do that later.
Busta trots up next to Chris.
Justin: FUCKER!!
He kicks Busta and sends him flying.
Justin: PEACE OUT LITTLE BASTARD!!
Chris: What the hell did you do that for?
Justin: That bitch told me to kill all the other people here!
Chris: Ok...where's JC and Lance?
Justin: You don't wanna know..
Give me just one night!! Una Noche!!
Chris: What the hell?
Justin: That's Lance and JC, yo homes, they be sick.
Joey: Lance has chocolate flavored nuts.
Chris and Justin: SHUT UP JOEY!
Joey: K!!
Chris: Where the hell are Lance and JC?!
Justin: I dunno, and I don't care.
Chris: Let's go find them.
JC is sitting on a bench surrounded by candles and vines. Lance has his head in JC's lap and both of them are sleeping peacefully. 3 men dressed in black run up to JC and tie a blindfold around his eyes.
JC: Wha?
The 3 men drag JC to the beach and stop.
Chris: What the hell do we do now?
Justin: Yo, where is the damn rowboat?
Joey: I was hungry!
Chris: DUDE!!
Justin: Wait! I can fix it!
He squats down and grunts repeatedly. Giant poofs of hair pop out of his head. He takes the hair off his head and places it in the water.
Justin: Hop in!
Chris and Joey go to get in.
Justin: Nuh uh!! Big titties first!
All the Baywatch babes get in, then Justin.
Justin: Aight, ya'll can get in now.
They all ride on Justin's hair into the sunrise.
Lance wakes up.
Lance: JC? Honey? .....JC? Baby? Nooooo!!!!!
