Episode 6
"Bug Hunt"
(c) 2003 Matt Grossman and J. Sage Schreiner

Bret, a suave survivor -- Matt Grossman
Hanz Niedelheimer, a former "chemist" -- Tom Morin
Maggie Simpson, a cold-blooded EMT with an usual background -- Noelle Kompkoff
Roach, a diminutive martial artist -- Kevin Osborn
All others -- J. Sage Schreiner



The party has to rest for a week for Bret's head to heal.

Maggie: Fortunately you only damaged the thinking part of your brain.
Bret: Hey...

Hanz tries to get Tina to give him the M4.

Hanz: Look, what if I thrown a pack of cigarette and a pair of bluejeans?
Tina: No.

Roach: My eyesight seems to be getting worse. [braaaap]
Maggie: It must be those nanites. All I can find out is that they are
signed "ALi". Maybe Hanz can use his 3l33t hax0r ski11z to find out
who this ALi guy is.

Hanz and Bret surf the web and determine that a guy with the alias
"ALi" has posted some reasonably intelligent-sounding questions on
various bioware discussion groups. Unfortunately Hanz is unable to
crack the security of the site "ALi" is posting from.

Bret: Now the dog is saying something about not being able to connect
to host.
Hanz: They must have blocked us. [braaap] Dammit, if I wasn't
farting all the time I could do this.
Bret: Now the dog says that I did something illegal. No! Bad dog!
Bad dog!
Maggie: How did you get a dog? Mine used to show a paperclip.
Bret: I found this thing that changed into a naked chick, but then it
changed into the dog after I installed the Microsoft Fun Pack, and it
won't change back. Bad dog! Stop! No, you're illegal!
Roach: This sucks.

Hanz continues trying to get the M4.

Hanz: ... and I'll also owe you twenty bucks and Gonzalez Tanpopo, which
owes me, will owe you a few meals.
Tina: All right, fine, here it is.
Bret: Hey, could you get me some ammo?
Roach: And me!
Tina: [sigh] I'll see what I can do.

Tina is able to get more ammunition for Bret and Roach, but she does
not have any more .223 ammo for Hanz. Hanz cleans the M4, but the
gun is so badly worn that it is still unreliable.

Hanz: I love the smell of Hoppes #9.
Tina: I'll see if I can get a new receiver. It'll cost you, though.

Floyd comes by to visit, bringing an old guy.

Floyd: Madame Yu wasn't too happy with how you handled those elves.
She'd like you to keep a lower profile. Anyway, here's a little cash
to hold you over.
Roach: Did you actually meet her and did she actually tell you this?
Floyd: Errr, no, it was Miss Wong and she just sort of implied it.
Anyway, she'd like you to do something about these bugs that are
killing people. Apparently they're showing up in Portland as well.
We'd like you to get a sample.
Bret: Who's the old guy?
Old Guy: Giant bugs killed the missus! Ehhh. Ecstasy doesn't cause
brain damage! I'm old and confused! When they bit me, it felt really
nice! But then I realized it was bad, so I ran away! Ahhh! A giant
traffic cone!
Bret: That's just Hanz.
Hanz: [braaaaap]
Old Guy: Did I do that?

Floyd takes them down to the old guy's apartment in the Bowery, where
they find an old, dead woman.

Maggie: Good thing I have rubber gloves. Phew. Yikes.

As with all the victims of the bugs, the old woman's blood has been sucked
out.

Bret: Let's go check out the parking garage. That seems to be where
these things are coming from.
Roach: I guess it's just another bug hunt.
Maggie: Am I missing something?

They start exploring the parking garage. The first level is really
nasty but deserted. Slimy water drips from leaky pipies overhead.

Bret: These holes look like they were made by pulse rifle rounds.
Hanz: Or some guy banging his head against the sheetrock.
Maggie: What are you guys talking about?

They head down to the second level. Suddenly three bugs drop on
Bret. One bites him on the neck.

Bret: Get it off me! Get it off me!
Roach: (grabs the bug off of Bret and impales it on his sword)
Gotcha!
Bret: [ka-chik blam] You want some of this, huh? How about you? Get some!
Get some! [ka-chik blam]
Maggie: (grabs a bug and smashes it into the wall, then stomps on it)
Roach: [braaap] Ok, we got our sample let's go.

They head back upstairs.

Bret: Those things aren't so tough. It did feel pretty good when it
bit me though. Kind of relaxing.
Maggie: I know something about biology. I'll check these critters
out.

Maggie checks the bug and discovers that it is some sort of grapefruit-sized,
genetically engineered tick with twelve legs that injects an opiate
into its prey. It must have taken a major effort to develop a synthetic
organism like this, but there is no indication of who might have done so.

Hanz: [braaaap] My eyes are still getting worse.
Roach: [phrooot] Mine too. Everything's getting dimmer.
Maggie: Unfortunately I still have my sense of smell.
Tina: I got that new receiver you wanted.
Hanz: Please? The M4 cleaned me out for the time. I'm a little low
on cash for the moment.
Tina: No. I want you to grovel some more. Anyway, I've been trying to
remember where I got that orange stuff from, and I remember something about
boiling shrimp -- it has a real strong smell -- and a gun butt with a
star and crescent on it. It was also extremely noisy, like some kind of
factory or machine shop. It was definitely down near the shore, if not
on the rafts somewhere.
Bret: Well, let's go check it out.

They head down to the edge of Elliot bay. A shanty-town on the shore spread
into a floating city of rafts, inhabited mostly by southeast Asians and African
refugees. They see a noodle shop with a flag with a star and crescent on it.

Bret: My PDA tells me that's the Malaysian flag.
Maggie: And by the smell, they're boiling shrimp shells. It's for the
broth. Kind of a staple. We visited Malaysia briefly when I was a kid.

They find several more small restaurants with the Malaysian flag out
front. Finally they find a likely looking one with a kid carrying an
AK-47 and wearing a green headband slouching around in back. They
order some food there, then Bret catches the kid's eye.

Bret: (in Arabic) I'm looking for a refill for this. (waves the
canister)
Kid: (looks at it) (also in Arabic) Yo, 'sup dog. Come back tomorrow,
I'll see what me and my homies can do. Yo.
Bret: Uhh... Bismallah.

They leave.

Roach: Why do you think that kid knows anything?
Bret: Umm... I dunno.

When they get back to the building Floyd meets them.

Floyd: Miss Wong, the HR rep, said that they didn't have any leads on that
stuff that turns you orange. Oh, and they want a live sample of the bugs.
There have been other reports from elsewhere in Seattle and Portland. Here,
I have a bio-containment system you can borrow.

Bret: Who do I look like, Marlin Perkins?

The next day the party goes down to the parking garage again, carrying
a paint bucket with some holes punched in the lid. They go down to
the third floor, the floor of which is covered with several inches of
brackish water. As they are wandering around, they see what looks like some
sort of nest, with what appear to be eggs on it.

Roach: Stay frosty. [braaap]

Suddenly bugs swarm the party from all sides.

Bret: There's movement all over the place! [ka-chik blam]
Hanz: Game over, man! Game over! [blam blam blam]
Maggie: (grabs a bug off Hanz's face and sticks it into the paint can)
Get away from him you bitch!
Bret: (bitten twice) Aaaagh! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Hanz: (shoots a bug four times with his .32, failing to kill it)
Roach: Marines, we are leaving! [shwing]

Bret and Hanz get bitten badly by the bugs, but all of the bugs that
attack the party are killed, except for the one which Maggie puts in
the paint can.

Bret: I feel woozy from blood loss.
Roach: That sucked. Mutual of Omaha can bite me. [braaaap]
Maggie: What are you talking about?

They give the live bug to Floyd and head down to the docks. On the
way Bret is accosted by a pimp.

Pimp: Hey, you're the motherfucker who didn't pay! I recognize you!
Pay me!
Bret: I'm sorry, there must be some mistake...
Pimp: No there ain't! What reason do you have for usin' my ho and not
payin'?
Bret: (pulls out his shotgun)
Pimp: (backs off) Uhhh... I'll be watchin' you.
Roach: Kenji would have shot him.
Hanz: Let's get out of here, before he comes back with his friends.

They run down an alley, and soon see the pimp and several of his
friends run past, clearly looking for them. Then the party continues
down to the docks, and to the restaurant where they talked to the kid
earlier. The kid is deep in conversation with a girl who seems to be
thirteen but looks fifteen.

Bret: (in Arabic) Hey, how's it hangin'dog?
Kid: Here's that refill you wanted. (waves cylinder) I talked to my
friend.
Bret: Could I talk to your friend?
Kid: No.
Bret: Look, what we want is...
Roach: [braaaaaap]
Kid: Hey, why is that guy orange? Oh, I get it.
Bret: Yeah, we want the antidote.
Kid: Well, buy this back from me and I'll see what I can do.
Bret: (pays the kid)
Kid: (saunters off)
Maggie: (to girl) Why are you hanging out with that loser?
Girl: (giggles and runs off)
Hanz: That was productive. Not.
Bret: Hey, maybe he got us the stuff we want.
Hanz: The guy's gun looked pretty new. It was all metal. The butt
had a star and crescent on it, like the one that Tina descrbibed.
We're on the right track.
Bret: My PDA says it's an AKSU, kind of a carbine.

They go back to the building. The can is full of brown spray paint.

Bret: Doh!
Roach: You know, really we should deal with that bug nest. We have a
jug of kerosene. Let's go down and set it on fire before more of the
bastards hatch.
Hanz: Let's rock!
Maggie: What is with you guys?

They go down and examine the "nest" more closely. It is actually the
rotting body of a 20 to 30 pound maggot-like creature. There are a number
of broken eggs, but no intact ones. The creature and many of the eggs
appear to have been gnawed on.

Roach: So they hatch out and eat the mother, or they eat the other
eggs, or rats eat them, or...
Maggie: Stand back. [fwooosh]
Hanz: I guess the bug threat in this building is ended.
Bret: From this nest, anyway.

They search the rest of the floor but do not find any more bugs. The
lower levels of the parking garage are completely flooded.

The next day Floyd comes by and gives them each $1000 cash cards.

Floyd: They really liked the live sample.
Hanz: They better! [braaap]
Floyd: No progress on, uh, that thing though. Sorry, gotta
go. (leaves)
Maggie: The hell with this. Let's go find a bioware shop.
Bret: A bioware shop? I didn't know that there was such a thing.
Maggie: Sure. They usually sell a combination of black- and grey-
market stuff, and a few licit items for legitimacy. Very common
on the streets.

They go to the raft and soon find Ravinder Singh's House of Bioware.

Singh: Welcome to my store! Please do not offer my god a peanut.

Maggie explains about the nanite problem.

Singh: Hmm, "ALi". I think I know who that refers to. It must be
Abdul Li. He is Daddy Datuk's son.
Bret: Who's Daddy Datuk?
Singh: He is a businessman. An honest, Malaysian businessman.
Hanz: [braaaap]
Singh: No, actually he controls the Malaysian underworld, except
for the gambling. The gambling is controlled by the Chinese Malays.
A very powerful man. I do not know anything else. Really.

They ask Singh if he could come up with an antidote to the bioware,
and he says that it would probably take him a month and cost tens of
thousands of dollars. They do not have the money or the time.

Singh: Thank you and come again! If you survive!
Roach: [phrooot] We gotta find this Li guy fast. Things are getting
more and more dim...

They go back to the noodle shop. The kid is making out with the girl.

Bret: Hey, buddy. (taps him on the shoulder with the canister) Any
luck on that antidote?
Kid: Uhh, no.
Bret: Do you know a guy named Abdul Li?
Kid: No.
Maggie: Pud.
Kid: Hey! I gotta gun. You better watch out. I'll make you pay. (leaves)
Maggie: I always said it was a waste of time talking to that guy.

They wander around some more and try to find out more information
about Daddy Datuk, but without much success. His base of operations
seems to lie in the rafts farther from shore.

TO BE CONTINUED...