Episode 4, "Fishing for Trolls"
by J. Sage Schreiner and Matt Grossman
(c) 2000
Tron Malkaszar, a curious high elf -- Matt Grossman
Thost, an unlucky wizard -- AJ Drexel
Ivan aka Johann, a talented bard -- Ed Mikkelsen
Norel Bolderdash, a hulking woodsman of the Adri forest -- Tom Morin
Nigil Palom, a noble from a far-distant land -- Kevin Osborn
All others -- Sage Schreiner
In a dark cave, the heroes prepare to make camp in the bloody wreckage
of their battle against the bandits. Johann and Thost are badly
wounded. The party carries the bodies of the bandits outside, and Tron
takes special care to impale them in baleful warning for any other
bandits that might venture to them. While doing so he notices a
grayish creature peeking from its cave mouth across the small valley,
but informs no one. Weapons are collected. The main entrances are
barricaded. Tron collects the caltrops from the halfling-room and
sprinkles them in front of the barricades.
Sir Robin: Can't you do a better job mopping up? I believe I have
blood on my shoes. I dislike blood on my shoes.
Johann: Perhaps if you step this way, oh masterful teacher...
Sir Robin: Thank you, thank you... A song would be just the find to
take my mind off of all this... dirt. Hmmmm...
Nigil: Sir Robin... I have been thinking... I would like to commission
a song that would... celebrate our battle here. And my glorious part
in it, of course.
Tron: Yeah, and maybe you could throw something in about that dragon
you killed.
Sir Robin: Dragon? I never killed a dragon.
Thost: Yeah -- it would be good to make sure that you are celebrated
as a hero like us -- greater than us.
Sir Robin: Good idea! (he begins to compose)
The heroes hole up for the night. Late on Tron's watch, the elf hears
something big moving around outside the cave. He wakes up Nigil.
Nigil: Huh? whaishit?
Tron: It sounds like something big is chewing up those bodies. I'm
going outside to investigate? (he sneaks away into the darkness,
clambering over the defensive barricade)
Nigil: Ummm... (wakes Norel)
Norel: Huh? What?
Nigil: Wake up!
Norel: Why?
Tron: Ahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrgggghh!!! Gack.
Norel: Oh no! Let's go!
He grabs his sword and runs. Nigil follows him. In the moonlight they
can see a large humanoid creature carrying off a body.
Nigil: Yaaaaah!!!!
Tron: Ohhhh...
Norel: No! Tron's here! Come back!
Nigil: Huh? Okay.
Tron: Ahhhh...
Norel: He's been bitten. By something huge.
Tron: Darkness... ogre... it hurts... I stabbed it through and
through... the pain... did not die. Ack.
Skanda: (runs up) He's bleeding internally. Pholtus, show this elf the
glory of sun and moon and stars, and heal him.
Tron: (sleeps)
Wolf: Arrroooooooooo.
Sir Robin: What's all the fuss? Could we all *please* quiet down?
Without rest, I cannot compose. (begins to strum randomly and scribble
notes)
The heroes pass a restless, but unmolested night. The morning of the
next day dawns gray and dim. Some primal and ancient-sounding music
can be heard through the mist. On jury-rigged stretchers, the heroes
carry their wounded from the battlefield. They trudge through the slow
rain and mud of a dreary Fireseek day. The keep is a welcome sight and
Churl lets them in.
Churl: Well, at least you're all still alive. I'll get the priest for
your wounded.
Tella: You guys sure are a mess.
Abercrombie takes the three badly wounded, Tron, Thost and Johann, to
his meager hospital. There the god Cuthbert is called upon and the
three sink into deep, healing sleeps. The three wake sometime in the
afternoon, aching and sore, but whole. They return to their rooms,
only to find that they have been robbed.
Thost: My scrolls are gone. My spells... And to compound this grave
injury, I bled all over the bearskin that had the originals -- and
lost two spells that I had not copied. Oh, woe is me!
Johann: My holy symbols of Rao were stolen as well. And my silky
underwear. Who could do such a thing?
Thost: I'll talk to Devereau. Maybe he can help.
The find the castellan in the inner courtyard. Devereau is practicing
with his yew long bow, firing across the common. The arrows pass
completely through the stuffed target and lodge deep in the straw
behind. He may be crippled by an old injury, but it's clear that he's
still powerful.
Devereau: How can I help you?
Thost: My spells were stolen! My spells... Do you know who did this?
Devereau: Probably not Mouse the Halfling. He knows better than to
"borrow" from any residents. We can talk to him and see what he
knows.
Devereau unstrings the yew bow, and sets off at a quick pace, using
the bow as a staff.
Devereau: [pound pound pound] Open up.
Mouse: It's open.
Devereau: (Opens door) These gentlemen have a few questions. About
something that was... lost.
Mouse: (squints up at them) I didn't take it. But anyone could
have. The locks on those doors weren't done by me. They're hardly
latches.
Johann: We noticed.
Thost: Do you have my scrolls?
Mouse: No.
Devereau: Why don't you two have a look around and see if there's
anything you recognize.
They look around the shop but do not find anything.
Thost: Mouse, do you know who stole our things?
Mouse: No.
Johann: Let me try... Mouse -- is there something I can call you
besides "Mouse?"
Mouse: I was once called "Yozzo the Half-man." I prefer Mouse.
Johann: These scrolls are very important to Thost.
Mouse: I don't know who took them.
Johann: Okay. We'll be going.
They leave the shop.
Johann: I think he was lying. About knowing who stole our things. But
there's nothing we can do about it now.
Devereau: I'll watch for them. And I suggest from now on that you give
any valuables to me to keep.
That evening, Sir Robin tells several stories and jokes that are
thinly veiled references to various towns people. What others find
funny is often cruel to the butt of his jokes. Cuckolded husbands,
insincere lovers, overweight dairy-maids -- none are spared except
Devereau, a target that even Sir Robin is not brave enough to take
on. Finally, he ends by doing a rough rendition of the song
commissioned by Nigil. In it he questions the heroes judgment and
courage, while lauding his own intelligence and good sense. While
people are entertained, it's clear that he has also made many enemies
in the few weeks that he has been at the keep.
That morning the party gathers in the common room.
Tron: I just realized something...
Norel: We seem to have...
Nigil: Forgotten to loot the bodies.
Thost: Ooops. Maybe if we rant about how unfair life is...
Tron: Nope. Didn't work. Only one solution. Let's hire a cart and head
back. Maybe something's left.
Johann: I seem to recall that the Lum's have a cart and oxen. Perhaps
they can help?
They go and talk to the Lum family.
Jud: Oh, we kin help all right. For 20 silver, that is. It's *dangerous*
there.
Tarpeia, his wife: Don't go honey! It's not safe. Think of the
children.
Jud: Twenty silver, and not a copper penny less. I am thinking of the
children, wife.
Tron: Ten or we take our business elsewhere.
Jud: There is no elsewhere. Fifteen.
Tron: Fine.
Jud: I'll bring my brother Jerick. He's good with a bow.
Nigil: Say, could I rent that horse?
Jud: Rent?
Nigil: Yes, you know, rent.
Jud: Suuuuuure. If you want. What are you going to do with it?
Nigil: Ride it.
Jud: I see. For two silver you can "rent" it.
All except Thost and Sir Robin depart shortly after that. Thost stays
in his room attempting to copy one of his spells. Due to his foul mood
he fails badly and wastes the day. Sir Robin is deep in artistic
narcissism, and besides, his best pair of hose was ruined by
blood. Several hours later...
Norel: It's too bad that we didn't remember this earlier. Most of the
bandit bodies appear to have been eaten by that ogre-thing. And the
rest seems to have been carried off -- perhaps by other residents of
these caves?
Tron: Well, then, we'll get it eventually.
Jud: That's about it then. We loaded up anything these bandits had
that look reasonably valuable -- tapestries, iron rations, a couple
carpets, those funny painted-copper pennies, some weapons -- they
don't look to good, but... Was there anything else?
Nigil: I think that's about it, good man.
Johann: It's getting late. We should head back soon. As it is, we'll
barely make it back by dark.
They set out, some riding on the cart, some walking. Jud Lum drives,
while his brother sits on top of the pile of bandit loot. After an
hour or so, they see a disturbance ahead. It's hard to make out for
sure what's happening in the dim twilight, but it appears as if
well-dressed woman is being attacked by a man, while her companion
struggles with a halfling.
Jud: Hey look, it's a woman! She's being molested!
Tron: It looks like a trap to me.
Noble woman: Help me! Help!
Halfling Bandit 1: Take that!
Guard: I die! Ahhhhg.
Noble woman: Get off me you foul fiend! [smack]
Ugly-Ass Bandit: Heh heh. Ow!
Tron: It may be a trap, but it's one way to catch a hunter... [shwing]
Johann: I agree!
Tron begins sneaking through the brush on the left side of the road,
while Johann begins sneaking through the brush on the right side. The
rest of the party charges into combat.
Norel: Yaaahhhh!!!
Nigil: Yahhhhhh!!! (spurs his nag into a stumbling trot)
Amazingly Nigil manages to keep his seat.
Halfling 1: (steps out and stabs Nigil's horse and then neatly dances
away as it falls) That'll shorten you up!
Nigil: Damn! The horse is on my leg.
Nag: Whinny!
Jud: (Whips the lumbering oxen forward towards the fray) Yah! Yah!
Jerick: (Stand shakily and fires towards the Ugly-Ass Bandit)
Norel: (Swings at Halfling 2 and misses)
Halfling 2: Hee hee hee, can't catch me!
Suddenly, the trap is sprung. A dozen arrows hiss out of the
brush. The Lum brothers sprout several arrows each. Halfling 2 suddenly
hiccups blood and falls over, dead.
Halfling 3: Heh. Ooops.
On the side of the road, Tron finds himself confronting a well dressed
bandit.
Tron: Hey -- this guy looks tough. Yah! [swish]
Well Dressed: Prepare to die, elf. [stab]
Johann attacks one of the halfling archers.
Johann: Ha ha! [swish] Dang, they're fast!
Another halfling attacks Johann from behind, but misses.
Meanwhile, Nigil is trapped beneath his horse. A halfling approaches,
brandishing a short sword.
Halfling 1: (Approaching Nigil and brandishing a wicked looking short
sword) Heh heh heh. Now you're all mine...
Nigil: Leg... stuck... must free leg...
Horse: Whinny!
Nigil: Can't die here... too ignoble...
The halfling fails to notice the ox cart, which is bearing down on him
at (relatively) high speed. He readies a deathblow...
Halfling 1: Time to die, my poor little vic -- ack! [krunch]
The halfling is instantly smeared to a paste by the heavily laden
cart.
Nigil: Phew.
Well Dressed Bandit: Yuck.
Tron: Take that -- gotcha! (Tron stabs the bandit while he's distracted)
Well Dressed: Ow! [slice]
Tron: Ow!
Halfling 5: (back stabs Tron, but just misses)
Tron: Whew!
Skanda: I'll help, Tron! Yah! (attacks Well Dressed)
Two halflings attack Norel.
Halfling 3: [chop]
Norel: Argh!
The cart is now bearing down on the lady. Meanwhile, the ugly bandit
approaches Nigil to finish him off.
Nigil: Watch the cart Milady! [hack]
Milady: (fleetly dives aside)
Ugly-Ass: Urg. (swings at Nigil and wounds him)
Nigil: I can take it. If I could just get this horse off me...
The ox cart rumbles down the road, carrying the badly wounded but
still living Lum brothers back to the keep. Meanwhile, Norel fights
on...
Norel: [cleave] And stay down!
Halfling 2: (Expires)
Halfling 6: Revenge, my brother! (Attacks Norel)
Johann is hard pressed...
Johann: [swish] I can barely hold them!
Halfling 4: (Attacks Johann and misses)
Halfling 7: [Jab] Take that.
Johann: Rrrrrr.
Tron and Skanda fight the well dressed bandit...
Skanda: Pholtus damn you! [chop]
Well Dressed: It's too much... I die... (expires)
Nigil: Urrrgh! Free at last!
Ugly-Ass: (turns and runs)
Nigil: Not so fast!
Nigil chases the ugly bandit down and slams him into a tree, knocking
him unconscious.
Nigil: I bet that impressed that lady.
Milady: (sneaks up behind Nigil and lodges a dagger in his back)
Nigil: Arrrrgh!!! You bitch! [hack]
Milady: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! (she falls to the ground, eviscerated)
The remaining, badly out-numbered halflings are killed. The heroes
stand around panting. The fight has lasted more than fifteen minutes.
Norel: Hey Tron, this woman's guard isn't a guard at all. He's the
bandit that you let go.
Tron: (draws back to stab the badly wounded man)
Johann: Save it. Let Devereau hang him. We'll bind him and the one
living halfling and have 'em hung.
Nigil: Hey! One of them's gone! The ugly guy. He must have been playing dead.
Norel: Their camp is right here. There's money here.
Johann: And they have a lot on them.
Nigil: This woman's dress looks like it was valuable. Was. Well -- she
has a nice ear ring.
Skanda: And the well dressed bandit has a very nice sword. It is
curved, and single edged -- like a sword of Pholtus. It is a good
blade.
Tron: Well... Devereau said he wanted heads. Let's start cutting.
Johann: Yuck.
Skanda: Disgusting.
Tron: Fun!
Finally, hours later, they stumble into the keep. The Lum brothers are
being treated by Abercrombie in the main square, in front of the
blacksmith. They have apparently just finished telling people that
they are sole survivors of yet another hideous defeat. Their wives are
already casing the valuable possessions in the cart.
Churl: Hooo-raaaay! They've returned!
Lum Wives: Damn.
Sabine: They've defeated the bandits!!!
Most People: Hooooo-raay!!!
Devereau: You will be rewarded handsomely for your victory. The
merchants will be pleased.
Mosely the Quartermaster: I'll be able to lower my prices.
All People: Hooooo-raay!!
Mendel the Merchant: I won't have to worry about being waylaid so
much. Thanks!
Jadale: What should I do with these two captured bandits?
Devereau: Hang them here.
Jadale: With pleasure. (She quickly throws two ropes over handy beams,
nooses the bandits' necks, and hauls them up. They kick and twitch and
die slowly). Hmmm... this one appears to have something in his
pocket. A scroll -- paper of some kind.
Johann: Let me see that. Let's see...
The scroll reads as follows:
S -
I understand that you hate them; I assure you that I do as well. But
that is not an opinion you should spend overmuch time indulging. At
stake is our survival. They are everywhere, and for now we must
appease them. I have a plan to that effect - give them a prize they
think is great, but will be useless to them. You can probably
guess. Do not go out of your way to confound me or your petty power
grab will no longer be tolerated.
H.
Johann: What can it mean?
Thost: What's all this noise? I'm trying to -- hey! Everyone's
back. My, that's a lot of heads.
Norel: Isn't that Tella in the stocks over there?
Quince the Tailor: Yeah, she got caught stealing. Picking some one's
pock --
Thost: That's all I need to hear. That little... You, Tella -- did you
steal my things?
Tella: No.
Thost: Never steal a mage's things. (glares meanly at her)
Tella: I didn't steal anything from you.
Tron: Thieves. Despicable profession.
Norel: Eh?
Tron: What?
Johann: I better see if I can keep this from getting bloody. Tella --
people can be misguided in their youth. This is not unusual. Perhaps
might you have... borrowed some things of ours? Perhaps you might be
so kind as to tell us where this mage's things are. We could use the
help of someone as... quick fingered as yourself in our adventures.
Tella: Ummm...
Thost: Say, aren't you Rafe the Smith?
Rafe: I am.
Thost: Mind if I borrow a pair of pliers?
Rafe: (suspiciously) What for?
Thost: I'm gonna... I mean, I need to twist some wire. Yeah, wire.
Rafe: All right. Here.
Johann: Really -- it's in your best interest. Adventure with
us... earn treasure... see the world... get capt --
Thost: All right you little bitch. I'm going to tear your teeth out
one by one.
Crowd: Huh! Did you hear what he -- how awful -- who could imagine --
teeth, he said!
Tron: Gee, you'd never think these people are carving out a harsh life
on the fringes of civilization.
Tella: Rrrrrr...
Thost: This is your last chance. Tell me or spend the rest of your
days gumming oatmeal.
Missy the One Legged Prostitute: Hey -- not having any teeth can be an
advantage sometimes. [sluuuurrp] Bazab on
gweat dwenthers.
Tella: Eeeek.
Nigil: Yuck.
Johann: Errr... I don't think this is such a --
Rafe: What the hell do you think you're doing with my tools?
Thost: I'm going to take her teeth out. She stole my scrolls.
Rafe: Give me back my pliers. (He hefts something heavy looking) I'll
wack you upside the head unless you give 'em here.
Thost: Not a chance. (purple flame floods from his fingers)
Rafe: Arrrgh!
Dubricus the Scribe: Enough. I will not have disorder in the
riff-raff.
Suddenly there is a clap of thunder, a flash of blue and Rafe, Thost and
two towns people lie senseless.
Dubricus: They'll wake soon, unharmed.
Devereau: Sabine, restrain and lock those two up. Where they can't
hurt each other. Release Tella and lock her as well. We will reconvene
tomorrow and sort things out. Dubricus Torquann, thank you for your
services.
Rafe: Ooogg.
Thost: My head...
A little later, off to the side of the riotous party in the inn
common-room...
Nigil: Did you notice how Sir Robin was eyeing that merchant -- what
was his name...
Johann: Mendel.
Nigil. Mendel. Sir Robin looked... out of sorts.
Tron: He was probably just jealous of the two gorgeous women Mendel
has hanging off him.
Sir Robin: Now I have yet another bawdy song that is merely a
thinly-veiled story about the locals and their tendency to molest
sheep... then maybe I'll do one about how much of a slut the tavern
wench is. But everyone will think it's funny. Ho ho ho.
Johann: Boy, you sure are my hero, Sir Robin.
Jess: (from across the Tavern) For the last time, I'm not a wench!
Late that night...
Nigil: (Whispering) Tron -- wake up. I have a cunning plan.
Tron: Eh?
Nigil: It'll be fun. We grab Sir Robin, drag him out into the square
and leave him bound. It'll be fun. We used to do things like that all
the time when I was a kid.
Tron: Really?
Nigil: I'll betcha Norel would be into it.
Norel: Sshlam hlam smoshk. What? You're going to do what? I don't
think so. The last thing we need is more people in this village mad
at us -- the night before a trial.
Nigil: Okay, fine, fine. It was just an idea.
Tron: It sounded like fun to me.
Late the next morning, townspeople assemble in the square. Most are
nursing hangovers from last nights exertions. Sitting on a hastily
raised platform are chairs for Devereau and the three accused, Tella,
Rafe and Thost. Rafe looks grim and surly, Thost looks tired and
disgusted with the whole process, and Tella chews her nails.
Devereau: Now. Tell me what happened. Rafe?
Rafe: He borrowed my tools. Then I heard from someone he was
threatening to pull teeth. So I came and told him to give them
back. Then he cast a spell at me, so I tried to hit him. Then Dubricus
came and I don't remember anything else. There. That's the whole
story.
Devereau: Tella?
Tella: He said he was going to pull my teeth out if I didn't tell him
where his stuff was! How should I know?
Devereau: We can discuss that in a moment, Tella. Thost?
Thost: She stole my things. My scrolls. I was just bluffing. I wasn't
actually going to pull her teeth out. The pliers were a prop. Then
Rafe came and tried to hit me in the back of the head.
Martin the Baker: (Yelling from the audience) It was in the front of
the head he tried to hit you!
Crowd: Rhubarbrhubarb.
Devereau: Whether you were bluffing or not is irrelevant. The threat
was made; making a threat without a will to back it up is the way of
spineless creatures. Now, what was stolen besides your scrolls?
Johann: Some holy symbols of Rao. They were simple stone carvings. And
uhhhh... my silk underwear.
Devereau: Silky drawers, hmm? I see, I see... Now, Tella -- did you
steal these things? I warn you -- do not incur my wrath. You have seen
what I do with bandits...
Tella: Ummm... the scrolls and the stones are in the stables, under
the hay. Third bale to the left of the door.
Devereau: Laurl, please fetch them.
Laurl the Guard: Aye aye, sir.
Devereau: And the silky drawers?
Tella: Ummmm... I'm wearing them.
Devereau: I see, I see... Rafe, your impetuousness is forgiven. Many
would have acted the same. Tella, you will spend an additional two
days in stocks. If you are caught stealing again, you will be tried
and hanged like any other common thief. Thost, as an outsider to the
keep your threat on the body of one of its citizens cannot be
tolerated. Your compatriots have done us a great service, and
therefore, your punishment will be light. I fine you one hundred
pieces of silver. That is all.
Devereau stands, and the trial is ended.
Tella: That's what you get for the lousy tip. (she sticks her tongue
out at the heroes)
The townspeople slowly disperse, all chatting about their version of
the exciting events that have rocked this small community in the last
few days.
That evening, the heroes get absolutely plastered on a single bottle
of a case of something really, really strong that they found with the
bandits.
Tron: Ish is mighty potent [hic] shtuff, thish is. Isha love you man,
Isha love you. Ia really really really -- did Isha ebber tell you
'bout the shtime I [hic]... (Tron keels over)
Nigil: Thish isha deep moment.
Johann: G'nighy everyone [hic]. Isha goin' t'bed now. (leaves)
Sir Robin: Hmmm... this could be fun! Hey wench!
Jess: I'm not a wench.
Sir Robin: Fine, fine, whatever. Listen -- I'll pay you 5 crowns to
spend the night with Johann.
Jess: Pay? You don't need to pay me for that... (clasps hands to
heart) He's so... so...
Sir Robin: Exactly.
Jess: Won't he get mad?
Sir Robin: No -- no... he was uhhhh... too embarrassed to ask me
himself. Yeah.
Jess: (Swoons)
Sir Robin: This is going to be gas.
Johann: Shleepy time now. Isha very tired. [hic]
Jess: Dang. He passed out cold before he even noticed me. Ah well, I
can still cuddle.
In the morning, Johann checks up with the Lum family. They are doing
well, and the two eldest Lum brothers are recovering from their
battle-wounds under Abercrombie's care. Johann leaves 42 gold crowns
with the Lum's to aid in the
care of
adjusted well -- in a household with over twenty children one more is
hardly noticed. Sharp teeth or not.
Two weeks pass. The weather is cold and gray, but the heroes have
(realizing the folly of cheap, poorly secured rooms) rented the two
best rooms in the inn. During this time, they train with local
teachers.
Jadale the Captain show Norel all sorts of dirty tricks to used in
combat.
Jadale: That's right -- swing high -- when they block, kick them in
the knee -- you can buckle the knee and take 'em out with no
problem. Then stab 'em once, in the gut. Don't stab in the chest --
your sword will get stuck between ribs.
Sir Robin teaches Johann several new songs, and begins to show him the
secrets of love poetry and re-stringing a lute.
Sir Robin: Aren't I just the best?
Johann: Gosh, you sure are. Show me how to play a double-stringed
Baklunish Hazaar again? And what was the name of the 4th cycle of
world-making of the Ur-Flan?
Dubricus the Mage teaches Thost some ways of harnessing the magical
energy of Oerth.
Dubricus: I dislike an unreliable commoner such as yourself -- no
magical heritage at all -- no lineage of teachers. Pah. But you do
have some promise.
Thost: What is the accent on the twelfth litoral stanza of eigth motion
-- let's see... deductive reasoning says it can only be a sub-decadent
itworl.
Dubricus: Excellent. Now I will teach you a way of creating a movable
light.
Mouse teaches Tron slights of hand, more about locks then Tron ever wanted
to know, a few hints about sneaking around and how to evaluate gems
and jewelry.
Mouse: And this?
Tron: An opal -- I see a slight flaw -- there... no, wait... it
appears to be a rare Lortmil Opal -- the flaw is in fact a natural
imperfection that greatly increase it's aesthetic beauty. I would say
it's worth... two-hundred silver.
The two week pass quickly. Finally, on the Eighth of Readying, they
are ready to venture forth again. Tron hires a mule and names it
"Knobbyfoot." It will be useful for carrying all the treasure they
hope to win. Or at least for hauling the bodies back to town... They
arrive back at the caves in the morning.
They park the mule in the old bandit caves and start exploring. An
hour is spent investigating through a secret door found in the bandit
caves. On the other side is a small network of caves -- in it, a great
battle appears to have been fought between animated skeletons, and
orcs. The orcs clearly lost -- their rotting corpses blanket the
floors, and the stench of putrid death chokes the air. The heroes
quickly dispatch a few giant rats, and, curiously, 4 animated
skeletons that appear to be orc children. They find little of value
except the broken hilt of a finely-crafted sword. Tron wears a
perfume-soaked rag in front of his mouth -- his bad experience with
the ghoul weeks past has clearly not been forgotten.
Tron: That's the cave where I saw the ogre-thing that bit me. We could
just start there...
Norel: That sounds good to me.
Thost: I'm ready.
Tron: I'll sneak up... shh... hmmm... it's eating something. Yuck -- a
bit of a kobold. I'll bet I can surprise it... just a little closer...
Ogre: Huh? RRrrraawwwwwwgggg!!!
Tron: Hah hah! [poke]
Ogre: Snarl. (tears as Tron with his long, dirty claws)
Tron: Urg. (stumbles back and collapses in a heap.)
Norel: Big. (pulls out his two-handed sword and moves to attack)
Thost: Very big.
Nigil: Save him! (leaps forward and attacks the ogre)
Skanda: If I have to save this elf again... [sigh] Pholtus... blah
blah blah. AGAIN.
Ogre: (smacks Norel into a wall, and bites a big chunk out of
Nigil). Grrrrrrrrrr.
Nigil: (misses)
Skanda: (heals Norel)
Norel: [hack] Take that!
Ogre: Arrrggh!!! (rakes Nigil across the chest, his razor sharp claws
cutting through steel to the flesh beneath).
Nigil: Can't take much more...
Thost: [whooosh] (purple flames lick around the ogre) Get some!
Skanda: I'll help!!! Pholtus, guide my sword!
Ogre: (bites Norel)
Norel: [swish]
Thost: Fine. Suck it down again. [whoosh]
Ogre: RRrrrooooar!
Skanda: An opening! (she lunges forward and cuts deeply)
Ogre: Ooooky?
The monster stands suddenly rigid, then keels over into the pool in the
center of the cave. There is a splash, and then silence as the body
sinks out of sight.
Tron: (coughs blood) Where's the treasure? It's gotta be somewhere
around here...
Norel: In the pool perhaps? It looks shallow.
Thost: Nope... my staff goes all the way down. I'll tie a rock to a
rope and see how deep it is. Hmmm... it doesn't seem that --
whooooaaa!!!
Suddenly, the rope is jerked out of his hands. He quickly cuts the
rope, saving a bit of it.
Nigil: It looks like there was more than one. That hole must go to
their lair.
Skanda: We are weak...
Norel: We can return tomorrow.
Tron: (coughs more blood) You'd think, [cough] that I'd get used
[cough] to this.
They return to hot baths and rich rabbit stew. All sleep soundly.
The next day, the heroes wake early. Thost buys a coil of silk rope
from Mendel the merchant.
Mendel: I'll be through again in two more weeks... It's down to
Stringen for me to restock.
Sascia: Come back in where it's warm, honey. Me and Chantel will show
you how to stay warm.
Devdas (Mendel's guard): It's time to move on.
The heroes arrive at the cave early and prepare to investigate the
ogre's cave. They position themselves carefully outside in the brush.
Tron sneaks up and peers in. Sure enough, another ogre is busy
chomping away on something meaty.
Norel: We need to lure it out.
Tron: I have an idea... (in orcish) Ohhh... ohhh... my leg's
broke... and I'm such a big fat orc, I can't move. So fat, I can't
even crawl... and my legs broke... Oh, it hurts! So fat I can barely
move my arms to defend myself...
After a moment a gray head sticks out of the cave mouth, sniffs for a
moment, then withdraws.
Tron: Damn. It smelled us. Hmmm... Ohh, ohhh... my leg's broke... and
I'm such a big fat elf, I can't move... so fat, I can't defend
myself. Broken leg...
The head pops out again and the heroes decide to spring the ambush.
Thost: (drops a big rock from the slope above the cave) Damn! Missed.
Nigil: [twang twang]
Norel: [twang twang]
Johann: Get 'em! Yaaahahhh!!!
A short violent melee erupts -- Thost casts two mysterious spells. The
ogre is quickly hacked down. One limb is hewn off.
Nigil: Hoorraay! That's the second one we've killed.
Tron: I'll bet there's tons of loot in there! Somewhere...
Thost: I'll lower a rock in again, and start trying to figure out how
deep that pool is. It looks really dirty.
Nigil: I'll hack off its head. Devereau said he'd pay us for
heads. Maybe this one will be worth something.
Tron: How deep is it?
Thost: About eight feet... no tug yet. Maybe we've killed them all?
Skanda: Pholtus be praised.
Norel: He was a tough bastard.
Nigil: Ow! It's head just bit me! What if this isn't an ogre at all?
The headless corpse of the "ogre" jumps to its feet and dives into the
pool.
Norel: That's no ogre!
Johann: I have heard of such things. Trolls they call them -- very
difficult to kill.
Thost: The really question is: how long can it stay under water. We
can wait for it.
Norel: I'll be ready with a spear.
Tron: I've always wanted to learn to fish.
Nigil: It's toast this time.
A minute passes... two...
Tron: Fishing is boring.
Johann: Bait would help.
Tron: Actually, I like fishing just fine. It's sort of like waiting
around.
After twenty minutes, the headless troll surfaces and takes a great
gasp of air through its neck-hole. Then it plugs the hole with it
thumb and prepares to dive.
Norel: Not so fast! (rams the spear through it)
Troll: (twitch twitch)
Thost: Haul it out!
Tron: I've got oil handy. We'll burn it to a crisp.
He soaks it in about 10 vials of oil.
Johann: Burn baby burn. (drops a torch on the troll)
Troll: [woooossshhh] (burns to a crisp)
Tron: Well. That's that then. I'll betcha I know where that treasure
is. (begins to strip)
Thost: We can lower this pot on a rope. Fill it with whatever you
find.
Tron: (blub blub blub... a minute passes... he surfaces, gasping)
We've found it! I think there's a lot down here -- buried in the
muck. Look! Gold!
The rest of the day is spent "mining" the gold from the muck. Diving
down into the fetid, murky pool is tiring work, and they trade off in
shifts. Norel and Skanda do not dive, and instead keep guard. After
an exhausting evening, they return home. Somewhere, a wolf howls.
Wolf: Arrroooooooo!!!
Norel: Ho -- what's that? A campfire.
Tron: I hear singing. It sounds... religious.
Nigil: I see five of them -- they're pilgrims.
The pilgrims chant and mediate. One of them shivers and begins
speaking with strange words -- and then suddenly falls over.
Norel: Let us greet these travelers. Hallooo there!
Pilgrims: Huh?
Priest: Hello, fellow travelers. Join us for the night.
Thost: Where are you from?
Priest: As you can tell from my accent, we are from Sunndi, in the far
south.
Norel: That is a long way to travel -- there must have been many
dangers for unarmed travelers such as yourselves.
Priest: Aye. But Istus has fated that we camp in this place
tonight. You see, it is written here -- where's the line -- it is
written that "Ithoik aeriok a a iaped ISTUS djorna --"
Tron: Yeah yeah -- any of you die on your trip?
Thost: Cool. Their book is ancient Aerdi. I speak that.
Priest: No. We have had no deaths. Although Istus has fated that we
disappear -- one of us -- almost every night.
Thost: Soooooo... doesn't this scare you?
Priest: No. Istus guides us.
Skanda: Oh, that's really deep.
Thost: (whispering) I'll bet something's eating them. Maybe one of
them is a man-beast. I have heard of such things.
Nigil: Why don't you come back to the keep with us for a night?
Priest: No. Istus has guided us to this place in the cosmos. It would
be wrong to leave it.
Thost: Really. Heh.
Suddenly, Thost's eyes roll back in his head. He quivers. Strange
words begin to pour from his mouth.
Thost: Anarak pishoba ISTUS. Pishoba ge a a lenthura!
Priest: Oh lstus! Thy voice! Thy voice! (he stumbles back, weeping)
Pilgrim 1: (whispering) Shouldn't Istus' voice be female?
Pilgrim 2: (whispering) Quiet, fool! We must follow them! Istus wills
it!
Soon, back at the keep...
Churl: Oi. You fellows again -- phew. You stink somethin' awful. Go
quick -- you'll curdle the milk. Hey -- who are these?
Nigil: Visitors. Pilgrims. I don't think their lice infestation is
*too* bad.
Churl: (pees on the Pilgrims as they enter)
Sabine: Cut that out! Just 'cause you know they won't beat the crap
out of you doesn't make it right.
Churl: Huh huh.
Later...
Jess: H-- h-- have you seen Sir Robin? Was he with you today?
Johann: No... why?
Jess: I haven't seen him all day. Not that that's necessarily a bad
thing, but... I thought I'd ask.
Thost: Have you tried opening his door?
Jess: No. He'll get mad -- and I'm not supposed to do that. And you
saw what they did to Tess.
Norel: Let's look and see. It's okay.
Jess: Okaaay. I think this is the key... [click]...
AAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
The find the corpse of Sir Robin sprawled across his bed. He has been
stabbed in the chest.
Thost: He's dead!
Nigil: Look away, miss. You don't need to see this.
Tron: Cool. I was going to do it myself if I heard one more, "didja here the
one about the elf and the..." joke.
They search the room for clues.
Thost: The window appears to have been forced.
Tron: But whoever did it was quick -- he was killed before he could
rise. I'll look outside.
Johann: Who could have done it?
Norel: That merchant? It is suspicious that he was leaving this morning.
Thost: It's possible.
Wilf the Inn-keep: What is it? A murder? Boy -- run and get Devereau!
Tron: (returning) Who ever did it climbed up to the roof and worked
their way along the gutter. It took some skill. They left no obvious
tracks, but I did find this -- a bit of brown cloth, torn from their
clothes.
A few minutes pass...
Devereau: What seems to be the problem?
Wilf: It's Sir Robin. He's dead, sir. Dead.
Devereau: I see, I see...
Thost: The blood is cold and congealed. It has been many
hours. Perhaps even last night...
Devereau: Anyone could have done this.
Norel: He had... many enemies.
Devereau: Many. It was only a matter of time.
Skanda: Death is nothing to the cosmos.
Tron: Nope.
The following day, the heroes return to the caves. They spend many
hours fighting their way through a cave filled with goblins and
hobgoblins -- it leads through a blocked off cavern and into the caves
of a necromancer. There, they find evidence of fiendish
experiments. They fight none of the undead creatures, and the
creatures seem to be willing to let them pass. After some time
exploring, they find a narrow set of stairs up -- but choose not to
follow them. Instead, they return to the lair of the goblins.
Tron scouts ahead and finds several goblins playing some sort of game
involving a sand table, dice, and tiny statuettes.
Tron: Just up ahead... it's seven more goblin guards. They're playing
some kind of game.
Thost: We can ambush them.
Nigil: Let's get 'em.
They charge forth and slaughter the surprised guards. One more goblin
is hiding in some kind of alcove.
Tron: Hmmm... Umm... Gosh, that must be all of 'em.
Norel: Yes. We are going to go now.
Nigil: Good thing we killed them all.
Thost: Yep. Now we are going. Look at us going.
Goblin: Hikkith ebeaba globble! ("Now's my chance!") Yaaaaaaaa!!!!
Norel: Not so fast. [swhwaaaaang]
Goblin: Urk. (top half goes left, bottom half goes right)
The heroes continue on a little further. A short and vicious fight
follows -- half-a-dozen hobgoblins are joined by the goblin chieftain,
his guards and a pet wolf. The fight goes badly for the heroes -- Tron
is wounded again -- Thost stems the tide of the hobgoblins with grave
danger to his own life. But slowly, valor prevails -- the goblins are
defeated. The heroes collapse in exhaustion.
To Be Continued...