Episode 2: "Bandits of the Bone Lands"
by J. Sage Schreiner and Matt Grossman
(c) 2000
Cast of Characters:
Tron Malkaszar, a vengeful elf -- Matt Grossman
Thost, a mage from the icy north -- AJ Drexel
Ivan, an enigmatic bard -- Ed Mikkelsen
Norel Bolderdash, a ranger of the Adri forest -- Tom Morin
All others -- Sage Schrereiner
The heroes leave their home of the last eight days, the strange
natural cavern that they stumbled on in their escape from the orcish
coal mines. The weather is tremendously cold. The land around them is
rocky and barren -- completely empty of life. They walk for a few
minutes...
Ivan: What's that, up ahead? It looks like a smudge of smoke.
Norel: Oh that? That's a camp of humans. Mercenaries or bandits.
Ivan: Uhhh... I don't remember you saying anything about that. That's not
the way to inspire trust.
Norel: Must have slipped my mind.
Tron: I'm going to check it out.
Norel: I'll come...
They approach the camp carefully. It is clear that both of them are
skilled at infiltration. It is the camp that Norel saw earlier,
apparently occupied by humans.
Tron: Look -- there's a guard over there. It's too cold for him, though.
He's bundled up and not paying any attention.
Norel: Wimp.
Tron: I hear voices. I'm going to sneak closer and see if I can hear
what they are saying.
Norel: Uhhhh... I'll stay here.
The elf sneaks forwards.
Tron: [crunch clatter]
Guard: Snore.
Mercenary 1: Huh? I'll have a look... Damn, it's fucking COLD. Nope... must
have been the wind. I could sure use a nice pretty little...
Tron: Whew. A biiit closer... Ahhh...
Mercenary 2: So didja hear the one about the Elf and the Halfling? Elf comes
and visits, and they go out and look at the Halfling's sheep. They find a
sheep with its head stuck in the fence and...
Mercenary 3: [shukashukashuka... clatter] Fuck! That's everything I make for
the next eighteen months.
Mercenary 4: Geez, bad luck. I'll take that.
Mercenary 3: Ahhh, man, that's not fair.
Guttural voice: Sit down before I cut your legs off. You whine like the
whelps at Montessor.
Mercenary 3: [Grumble]
Mercenary 1: [whistles] Wow, check out this woodcut, isn't that sexy?
Mercenary 4: I'll roll against you for it...
Mercenary 2: I hear that Prince Rinsharn got hisself a mage -- pretty-boy
mage, I hear.
Mercenary 1: Yeah, your style huh? You like the boys?
Mercenary 2: Hey, that's not funny. [shwing!] Taste steel!
Guttural voice: [Whack] Siddown!
Tron: Not much doing here... four tents... two small ones, two larger
ones... sounds like six or eight total, plus the sentry... Hmmmm...
Much later that night...
Tron: So if we move quietly, and all get into position... They won't
have a sentry tonight. It's too cold.
Ivan: We could just sneak around them...
Thost: They have things we need. More food. Better clothes. Real
shoes.
Norel: It's clear enough, and Luna's a half moon. That's enough light
to see by.
Tron: Okay, I'll sneak in to the far tent. When things get loud, come
help...
They sneak into position. Tron slips under the edge of one of the
tents and begins to kill the sleeping mercenaries.
Tron: [slit]
Mercenary 5: Gurgle.
Tron: [kkkeeeerrrrccccchhunnnk]
Mercenary 6: Ahhhhhhhh... [expire]
Tron: [crunch]
Mercenary 7: Oooog. [twitch, twitch, choke, kick, expire]
Half-orc Sergeant: Huh!? Allllaaarrrrrmmmmmm!!! Yaaaaahhhh!!! [misses]
Tron: [swings and misses]
Ivan: [bursts into the tent] I'll help! Die fiend! [misses]
Mercenaries in other tent: Whassh goin' on?
Half-orc Sergeant: Allllarrrrmm!!! [swings and nails Tron]
Tron: Ouch!
Ivan: Take that! [cuts the Sergeant]
Meanwhile, outside the tent...
Thost: Here they come...
Norel: Ready with the two-hander.
Mercenary 1: Yaahhh [bursts out of second tent]
Thost shouts an incantation and jets of purple flame leap from his
hands and lick at the mercenaries.
Mercenary 1: Ow. Magic! Get the weak guy! [leaps at Thost with a dagger, but
misses]
Norel: [swish]
Mercenary 2: Whoa, dizzy [swings at Thost and misses by a mile]
Mercenary 3: [attacks Norel]
Thost: [wooosh... sputter] Well, that's it for my spells.
Mercenary 2: Agh, it burns, it burns. [crumple]
Mercenary 1: Vengeance is mine! [stabs Thost through the back.]
Thost: Aaaggggh! Losing... consciousness... pain... too... much... darkness...
Mercenary 3: [swings at Norel and misses]
Norel: [swings at Mercenary 3 and misses]
In the first tent...
Tron: Disgusting thing! [swings and cuts the Half-orc Sergeant badly]
Half-orc Sergeant: Unh. Hurt bad... Can't win this one...
The sergeant makes a break for freedom through the wall of the tent.
Ivan: He's getting away... but he's naked and it's freezing out
there. He won't last long.
Tron: You got that right! (pursues the Sergeant)
Half-orc Sergeant: Must... go... faster...
Tron: Grrrrrrrr.
Half-orc Sergeant: Oh sh...
Tron: [hack] Die!
In a frenzy Tron mutilates the body of the dead half-orc and carves a
rune on his back; the same rune that he had seen the orcs carve on
the bodies of many of his companions in the mines... the symbol of
revenge.
Meanwhile, back at the camp...
Norel: Gotcha. [cleave]
Mercenary 3: [thumpthump]
Mercenary 1: [stabs at Norel, misses]
Ivan: No ya don't! [chop]
Mercenary 1: Agggh. Oh, it hurts, it hurts. (collapses from his wounds)
Norel: Is that all of them?
Ivan: Yeah, I think so.
Mercenary 1: OOOooooooo.
Ivan fills the copper chalice with water and gives it to Thost to
drink from, while Norel bandages the wounded mercenary.
Thost: [glug glug] Hey, I feel better already. Maybe in future I
should stand farther away when casting my spells... nahh.
Tron: (jogs back, covered in gouts of steaming blood) Got the
leader. And the rest of them.
Ivan: I'll check out the tents... Hey, there are supplies in this
one... And a half-eaten body. Looks like it might be an escaped slave!
Ivan: That's awful. I say we just leave this guy out in the cold. What
bastards. Eeeech.
Norel: He might have worthwhile information. Hey, is there anything
near by? An orc village maybe?
Mercenary 1: Uhhh... not that I know of. I didn't have any of that
fresh meat. I swear.
Norel: What are you here for? Where are you from?
Mercenary 1: From the
money. The fighting around here starts every spring. If you hook up
with a winning side early on, you can make a lot of money. What are
you here for?
Thost: Killing people like you.
Mercenary. Oh.
Norel: How do we get out of here?
Mercenary: Why should I tell you? You're just going to kill me anyway.
Tron: Good point. [stab]
Thost: We need to be careful about drinking from that magical cup. It
may heal us, but I fear that its effects are not all good. I can only
just resist the urge to take it for myself.
The next day, the re-equipped and better armed heros finally set out
on their way. It's a cold day and they spend much of the day slipping
and sliding up one side of an icy ridge before cautiously having to
work their way down the other side. Heavily laden with food, they only
make about six miles. Lighting a small fire, they set up one of the
tents. Thost hears something on his watch.
Orc 1: Smell fire. Sniifff snif.
Orc 2: Sneaky. Yar.
Thost: [yanks on a long piece of twine tied to Norel's arm.]
Norel: Huh? Oh... shhhh... wakeup, something's happening.
Thost: [whispering] Stay where you are. I have an idea.
Orc 1: Yar. Sneaky. [crunch, clatter, slip, clatter, scrunch scrunch,
clatter]
Orc 2: Me be sneaky too, boss. [slide, crunch, clatter]
Thost: [casts a spell]
Spell: [from behind the orcs]
I'll draw my sword. [shwing]
Orc 1: Aiiiiiii!!!
Orc 2: Aiiiiiii!!!
Norel, Ivan and Tron burst out of their tent and attack the monsters.
Orc 1: (panicked out of his mind, takes a wild swing at Norel) You no
have guts to kill your mommy!
Norel: Uhhh... And?
Ivan: Snappy insult, pig-boy.
Thost: (discharges his crossbow and doesn't hit anything)
Orc 2: Find a happy place. Find a happy place. (curls up into a little
ball)
Norel hews down one orc like a woodsman felling a sapling, while Tron
finishes off the orc cowering on the ground.
Norel: That's all of them... I'll follow their tracks back and make
sure there aren't any others. Then I'll cover over their tracks. We
need to be alert tonight.
After a restless night, the former slaves continue their trek. In the
distance, they see ravens. A pack of wild dogs circles warily around them,
out of crossbow range, then leaves. In the evening, Thost, somewhat versed
in the celestial bodies, realizes that it's Needfest, the week of feasting
and gifts before the beginning of the year... but what year?
Several more days pass. The land around them is truly desolate and
oppressive. The iron-gray sky lets no light through to illuminate the
drab, rocky hills. One night they sleep under the overhang of a dry
stream. The next, under the roots of a long-dead, twisted tree that
gives them un-gentle dreams.
Finally, they reach a narrow track winding through the hills. They
climb along a slope and hear the sounds of a battle from the other side;
the clash of steel and the screams of the dying.
Thost: What's that, over there?
Norel: It looks like a woman! She's been wounded. Look -- there's
blood on her clothes.
Ivan: Wait! Don't run! We won't harm you!
The woman tries to escape from the party, but they catch up to her.
She is very pregnant.
Thost: (speaking slave tongue) Yo, 'sup ho? We gonna axe you some
questions, yo!
Ivan: Are you hurt?
Woman: No. (She drops the bloody crossbow bolt she is holding in her
hands)
Thost: Where are you going?
Woman: (points southward, down the road, away from the battle) Away.
Ivan: We'll protect you.
Tron: You get moving. I'll scout the battle.
He begins moving up through the brush, picking his way carefully
towards the battle. As he tops the ridge he sees three or four hundred
orcs engaged in hacking each other to bits.
Tron: What a wonderful sight!
Suddenly, a badly wounded orc, fleeing the battle, crawls out of the
brush at Tron's feet.
Orc: Huh? An elf?
Tron: [spuck]
Later...
Ivan: She's pregnant, almost ready to give birth. We can't go on much
farther.
Norel: We must keep going. Listen!
Wolf: Arrrrrooooooooooooo.
They make good time on the road, and spend the night huddled together
under the hides, without a fire. The next day they continue down the
track. It is bitterly cold. Feet ache from the cold and the many miles
they have walked; blisters have formed and burst and bled away;
numbing exhaustion pushes life to the point of the intolerable. But
they press on, carrying the now silent woman when she can go farther
herself. She says nothing, seemingly having retreated into
herself. They find the ruins of a small village -- there is nothing
left but a few chimneys and an arch with the symbol of the god Rao
carved into it, that stands in front of a stairway that leads
downwards into the ground.
Ivan: Rao's temples are usually underground. There's probably a
shrine under there.
As they approach the village, Tron looks behind and sees an orc
mounted on a wolf in the distance.
Tron: Behind us, look, an orc on a wolf -- on the ridge! He's looking
right at us.
Ivan: Quick, let's hide -- in this shrine of Rao!
They descend into the shrine. There is an unbelievable foul smell.
Thost: Phew. What's the smell? Bodies?
Norel: I'll stand guard outside. The orc is gone... but...
Suddenly one of the "ruined buildings" stands up, stretches, picks his
nose, and sneezes.
Hill Giant: ACCHOOOO.
Norel: Oh my. Everyone inside. I'll keep guard out here.
The floor of the shrine is covered in decomposing bodies. The
characters gingerly search it.
Tron: Sure doesn't smell good. Hey, look, a box! Treasure!
Suddenly one of the "bodies" springs up and seizes the elf.
Ghoul: (attempts to paralyze)
Tron: Not me, stupid thing! [Hack]
Ghoul: (burrows deeper down under the bodies)
Tron: Man, this smell is really getting to me! [bllaaaaarrgh] [Hacks
down at bodies].
Norel: Here comes the giant! Everyone get in as far as you can!
The ranger climbs down the stairs following the rest of the party.
Giant: Munchies! Come here!!!
A very large arm reaches down the stairs and feels around.
Norel: Yaaaah!!!! [whok]
With a mighty blow Norel hacks the giant's hand off at the wrist.
There is a roar of rage and the arm jerks back up the stairs.
Ivan: A mighty blow!
There are roars and bellows of rage from outside. Suddenly a boulder
comes tumbling down the stairs.
Ivan: Watch out!
He leaps forward and shoves the slave woman out of the way. He and
Norel run up the stairs. The giant is backing away, clutching its
wounded hand to its stomach.
Norel: Yeah, you run, you pansy!
Ivan: Get back here, bitch!
The giant grabs a handy rock and sends it flying at Norel. It smacks him in
the chest and he coughs blood.
Norel: I think I'll just sit down here for a bit.
Ivan tries to help him drink from the cup, but he's too badly wounded
to choke any of the water down.
Ivan: It sounds like they're fighting downstairs! I'll go help.
Meanwhile...
Tron: Look, there's the ghoul, he's after us! (hacks at the ghoul and
misses) Oh man, I feel awful. [blargh]
Ivan: Ha! (swings and misses)
Thost: I have him! (discharges his crossbow and lightly wounds Ivan)
Whoops.
Ghoul: Snarl! (bites Tron)
Ivan: [spuck]
Ghoul: Urk. [thud]
Tron stumbles out and collapses to his hands and knees with dry
heaves. Thost retrieves the small stone box. Inside is a stone idol
of Rao and a few gold pieces. Ivan takes the idol and Tron takes
the gold.
They find Norel and the woman outside the shrine. Norel looks much
better.
Norel: She healed me -- the woman. Touched me, and I felt my bones knit
together.
Ivan: She must be the priestess of a god.
Norel: We have to keep moving. The giant could come back...
Wolf: ARRRRROOOOOOOoooooooo
Thost: Or the wolves.
Tron: [blarg]
Ivan: Ummm, guys. We ummm have a ummm... problem. She's having her
kid, I think.
Tron: [blllaaaaaarrrgg] Man, that smelled awful. I think I've been
traumatized for the rest of what looks like a short life.
Norel: We can make a stretcher our of the tent and tent poles. But we
have to keep moving.
Wolves: ARRRRRRRoooooooooo.
Thost: There's a storm coming. A big one.
They push on down the track at a slow jog. The woman on the stretcher
grits her teeth and is silent. They see flashes of movement here and
there in the dark brush on the hills above -- baneful wolves, some
with riders, some without. Hours pass -- the frigid north wind rushes
through the dim twilight, stinging snow is whipped against their
backs. Suddenly Norel calls a halt.
Norel: I see a sign. Adri Rangers are here, close by. This log has
ranger signs on it. Look -- there!
Suddenly two men in camoflaged clothes stand out of the brush.
Ranger 1: Who are you! Tell me or I'll fill you full of arrows!
Norel: I'm an Adri Ranger. (gives the secret hand sign) There are
wolves close behind.
Wolf: Arrrroooooo.
Ivan: And this woman is having her child.
Ranger 2: [stands] There are two of us. We're here to scout their
movement, not to fight. But we'll hold them. Leave the road here and
go over the hill. When you come to the gully, go right. The gully will
curve eastward, then south again. You'll come to an abandoned farm. It
may be defensible. (he peers grimly into the darkness) They're close.
Do not tarry.
Ranger 1: Good luck.
He crouches down in their hide, working his bow, putting his arrows
close by, and testing the edge of his blade.
Ranger 2: Don't worry about us.
Norel: Thank you brothers. Come on. We have to move quickly.
The characters finally stumble on the farm in the darkness. The wind is
howling through the lonely hills.
Thost: I'll start a fire.
Ivan: Heat water. I've birthed sheep and cows; I can probably do okay
with a baby.
Norel: Errrrr... I'll watch at the window.
Tron: I'll guard outside. No one will see me in the snow.
In the darkness they listen as the rangers lead their pursuers away. Later a
wolf sniffs around their camp. Tron watches it without giving away his
position. Much later, Norel comes out.
Norel: She's having her baby. Come in -- it's cold. I'll watch now.
Tron: [goes in]
Ivan: [whacks baby]
Baby: Waaaaaaah
Thost: [cuts umbilical]
Tron: It's an orc-whelp. How disgusting. I say we kill it. (draws his
blade)
Ivan: No!
Thost: It's a baby, not an orc. It's not good or evil. Not yet.
Tron: Fine. You keep the bloody thing.
Ivan: Miss -- you have to feed it or it will die.
Thost: Man, it's got pointy teeth. Ouch. Is it a girl or a boy?
Ivan: Girl. Let's call it "
“Guide”.
Ivan holds the baby to the woman's breast, and she reluctantly nurses
it. Much later, one of the bleeding, badly wounded rangers stumbles
on their camp. They heal his visible wounds, but he gets a fever in
the night and dies. They sleep and wake in the morning. It is a
brilliant blue day, and the hills glint white with several feet of
snow.
Ivan: It's almost pretty...
Norel: There's snow everywhere. We can't leave today.
Thost: Hmmm... snow... actually, with a little luck we can make skis
-- you wear them on your feet and slide along the snow.
Ivan: What an odd custom.
Thost: It takes a little practice, but we'll be able to make very good
time. And no one else will be out. And... the stars tell me that
today is the first day of the year.
Tron: What year?
Thost: I don't know.
Thost makes crude skis/snow shoes and the characters set out over the
snowy landscape. At first the going is slow, but with practice, they
get better. They see nothing. The woman and child are dragged on a
makeshift travois. That evening, Thost makes a snow-house.
Thost: Winters in my homeland are even harsher than this.
The night is perfectly clear, and the stars are brilliant. The
slave-woman crouches out in the snow for a time, her eyes fixated on
the stars. Then, suddenly, she begins to speak -- telling a story in a
language the other characters can only just understand.
"Sharp-eyes!: to watch the stars, to watch your children, to watch
your enemies!"
"My people came over the great salty water from the land of the
sun. There it was always happiness and sunlight and summertime. That
place was destroyed with fire. They came to this place, Oerik and
forgot the ways of boats. What they did not forget was this: the
motion of the stars, which brings form and order to the formless; it
is not good or evil, it simply is."
The next day, the characters make good time. The snow is soft and
powdery, and Thost's skis glide almost effortlessly over it. They are
very low on food, and eat half-rations. Hunger makes them
light-headed. The next evening, the woman stares at the crystalline
stars, and then after a time tells another story.
"Sharp-eyes!: to watch the stars, to watch your children, to watch
your enemies!"
"The salty waters began to rise. With the water, out of the deep, rose
terrible creatures. One of these creatures was Lednerg, a powerful and
malevolent (that means evil, child) being. Lednerg came into the
holy-places and defiled them with our people's blood. Lednerg slew the
son of the king and none could stop him. Swords bounced off of his
hide. Until came Eigen - a short, uncouth man - hard of seeing from
being stung by bees as a child - not handsome, not witty (like your
father, child!) and he hid himself at night and waited until Lednerg
came and when he did he wrestled with the beast - for five hours they
fought. At first Lednerg though Eigen was merely a pest, but Eigen
grew not weaker but stronger, and at the end of Eigen had taken
Lednerg's arm, torn out the socket by his persistence."
The woman seems to me mimicking the rhythm and words of tales told to
her long ago. With the next night, another story.
"Sharp-eyes!: to watch the stars, to watch your children, to watch
your enemies!"
"A great king of our people carved himself a throne of a dark stone -
Malachite. From this place our people ruled. When the salty-waters
rose, the throne was covered in the flood. For five-hundred years, it
was sunk in the deep darkness of the salty-waters. When the flood
receded (that means went away, child) the throne was unmoved and
unchanged. And it became the seat of kings again, first ours, and then
the Oeridian kings. But it had changed - in the deep-darkness of the
flood, a malevolence had come into it. And the kings, over time, took
this evil into themselves."
And again, another brilliantly cold night.
"Sharp-eyes!: to watch the stars, to watch your children, to watch
your enemies!"
"When the water rose, we came to the mountain. This was 500
generations ago. We have lived in these mountain since that
time. Others left to return to the land of dirt and mud, but we stayed
here, where there is steel, rock and ice. Here we can see the
stars. This is a good place, but do not be deceived by the hardness of
the rock under your feet - it is rotten in places. Things live there,
far worse than the Uruk-people, things that do not die, do not
breathe, and are always hungry. They come for naughty children!"
On the fifth night:
"Sharp-eyes!: to watch the stars, to watch your children, to watch
your enemies!"
On the 42nd day of every 33rd year, those two stars - that one, there,
Hoo-wee-gass, and that one there, No-reb-bo, come together. They are
lovers, and this is their meeting. Hoo-wee-gas - she moves in her
precise arc across the sky - she takes the dead that have been bad in
their lifetime. Be good! To be re-woken by Hoo-wee-gas is not a fate
I wish on an enemy. No-reb-bo - the erratic one - the gambler. How
such a mis-matched pair came together - who can say! That is the way
of the gods (as it the Flan - look at me and your father, for
instance). It is Pholtus who tells us this - he is the god of the
sharp-eyed watcher of stars, he is our god, daughter mine."
In the morning the characters come to a wide, fast moving river. The
river has not frozen in the middle, and looks dangerous. There is a
bridge across the river, but it is guarded by a band of orcs.
Norel: We could follow the river south and find a ford.
Ivan: Maybe we can talk our way though. We're out of food.
Thost: The only person here who speaks Orc-tongue is an elf.
Ivan: Hmmm... maybe we can disguise ourselves. I know a little bit
about that. We'll tie the woman up -- she can be a slave we're taking
to market further south.
They agree to this plan. Ivan proves to have considerable skill at
makeup and costume. He precedes to broaden shoulders, stuff jocks,
draw fake scars and so forth, using only dirt, charcoal and what they
have immediately available. His efforts on himself are not quite
so successful.
Thost: Maybe you just need a mirror.
Tron: What's a mirror?
Ivan: Are we ready?
Thost: I have a spell ready that will make Norel sound a
bit... heavier. It might help us a little. Let's go.
Orc guard 1: Halt! Uhhh... Halt?
Norel: [hulks]
Orc guard 1: Ummm. Big.
Half-Orc Sergeant: You -- what's your business?
Tron: (speaking orc-tongue and looking like a short, broad shouldered
man) We, ahem, (deeper this time) We got ourselves a little prize. To
sell down south.
Half-Orc Sergeant: Do you now... what's with the whelp?
Tron: That's hers. It might be worth something.
Half-Orc Sergeant: Probably not worth the food you'll feed it.
Tron: We will pass now.
Ivan: (flips the sergeant a gold piece) Keep the change.
Half-Orc Sergeant: (not speaking Aerdi) One of these for each of you.
Norel: Grrrrrrrrr.
His voice is far deeper and more threatening than it is in life. His
breathing is loud and dangerous-sounding. When he takes a step, it
booms loudly.
Half-Orc Sergeant: Uhhhhh...
Tron: No, one for all of us.
Half-Orc Sergeant: Uhhhh... okay.
The character pass over the bridge. Their backs itch with anticipated
arrows. But, with each step, they are further and further out of
range. They have made it. To freedom. They meet 4 scruffy
bandit-soldiers that eye them carefully, before deciding they are too
much of a threat. A small band of pilgrims share a bit of stew with
them one evening.
Finally, they come to a keep in the wilderness that is the northern
border of the Kingdom of Aerdy. A hanging body at the crossroads
threatens any who would do ill. They trudge the last few hundred yards
up the path and hail the keep. They state their business, but the two
guards are doubtful of these well-armed, filthy bandits. Then the
woman steps forward.
Woman: I am Skanda isha Skanda. By Pholtus, let us in!
The portal squeaks slowly open. Safety. Unimaginably soft beds. Hot
water. Rich stews, mulled wine, cheerful music. And coin to pay for
it all.
TO BE CONTINUED...