Episode 1: "Piercer on the Half-Shell"

by J. Sage Schreiner and Matt Grossman

Cast of Characters:

Tron Malkaszar -- Matt Grossman

Thost Karlsson -- AJ Drexel

Ivan -- Ed Mikkelsen

Norel Bolderdash -- Tom Morin

All others -- Sage Schreiner

At a coal mine in the desolate Bone March one winter, the slaves who

worked the mine were faced with certain death. Driven mercilessly by

brutal orc taskmasters, deprived of food, and kept in bestial

conditions, the slaves knew that they had the choice between dying, or

dying on their feet. When an earthquake opened a crack in the mine

tunnels with daylight visible, they made a break for freedom, overpowered some

of the guards, and fled into the freezing weather. The orcs could

have shot them down as they ran, but that would have been a waste of

valuable property. Instead, a pursuit squad of wolfriders was

dispatched.

The slaves raced across the snow, unable to pause and hide their

tracks. Only their willpower kept them going. One by one they fell,

exhausted, until only a handful remained. They could hear the howls

of the pursuing worgs behind them. Suddenly, a strange dog rushed up

past them and turned into a canyon. Most of the slaves followed it.

The canyon was blocked after a few hundred feet by a natural dam,

caused by trees and rocks. The dam had frozen in the intense

cold. The strange dog stopped at base of the dam, barked twice, and

quickly climbed over the dam in a strange, un-dog-like way and

disappeared.

The slaves stumbled towards the dam, realizing sickly that they had

made the wrong choice. In their weakened state there was no way that

they could climb over the dam. But suddenly they saw a cave in the

canyon wall. The howl of the worgs rose loud behind them. The lead

wolfrider turned his mount into the canyon.

A huge, bearded man turned to the other slaves. "Go! You escape!

Into the passage!" he cried, then set his shoulder against the rocks

of the dam and heaved with all his strength. Ice cracked and popped.

The wolfriders turned into the canyon and their sadistic joy turned to

despair as they saw their doom.

As the slaves scrambled into the cave, the voice of their savior

echoed in their ears: "I am Nevor, kin of King Redbeard! Tell them of

me!" There was a tremendous crash as the dam gave way and a wall of

frigid water swept through the canyon, drowning and crushing the

pursuing orcs.

The four slaves found that the cave sloped upwards. They moved

forward into the darkness...

***************************************************

Thost: It's dark. We have to keep moving. The water's rising!

Tron: I am an elf, I can see in the dark. I'll lead you. (They continue a

little ways. The water doesn't follow them much higher).

As the passage goes up, there is an opening to the side. There is a

strange snoring sound.

Ivan: What's that... snoring sound?

Tron: It looks like some kind of sleeping bear. Hmm... (picks a flint short

sword out of a pile of ancient bones on the floor.)

Thost: And I hear footsteps.

One of the pursuing orcs had managed to make it into the cave behind

the characters.

Orc: *Vomit* *Cough* *Hack* [squish-squish. squish-squish. squish-squish]

Norel: Better keep moving. Keep leading, elf.

Ivan: I hear him! Here he comes!

Orc: (runs around corner)

Tron: Yaaah! (leaps forward with flint weapon and misses)

Orc: Aiiii! (fires crossbow at Tron)

The string of the crossbow is wet and the bolt simply plunks into

the ground in front of the orc.

Ivan: (Grapples with orc in darkness. Misses and falls somewhere else)

Thost: (Unable to participate in the fight, he moves along the passage

and discovers that it is blocked by running water)

Norel: (Wraps arms around orc and squeezes).

Orc: Can't... reach... sword...

Tron: (Swings again, and misses).

Ivan: (Yanks the orc broadsword out its scabbard) Ha ha! (Misses both orc

and Norel)

Norel: That was close. (Squeezes harder)

Orc: [crunch] Ack. Mama! Mommmyyyy!!!!!!

Tron: Die! (Guts orc like a fish).

Ivan: Let's arm ourselves with the orc's weapons.

Norel: Good idea.

The characters pick up the orc's weapons and continue their advance

along the passage. They wade into the cold water. There is a hole in

the floor that leads into a rushing stream of some kind. They help

each other over it. Suddenly they see light ahead, streaming from

slits around a massive stone door that completely blocks the passage.

Strange characters in an ancient language are carved on the door.

Ivan: Looks like ancient Flan script. A poem -- probably with an

alternating beat, semi-rhymed; often recited to music. But I can't

read it.

Thost: Neither can I.

Tron: Reading is for wusses.

Norel: Yup.

Norel: Well, let's move this door.

They heave at the door, but not even Norel's mighty strength can shift

it.

Ivan: It's too much.

Norel: Hey, we've been mining for the orcs for ages -- and look, the door has

already fallen a bit. We can widen it. (Norel begins chipping away at it).

During this time, the characters introduce themselves. Three of them are

heavily bearded humans. Thost is tall, pale and gangly. Ivan appears very

handsome despite the dirt, matted beard and unsightly sores. Norel is just

big. Tron is a pale elf.

Norel: I am Norel Bolderdash, a ranger of the Adri forest. I was

captured while on patrol.

Thost: I'm Thost Karlsson, a student of magic from the far north.

Tron: My name is Tron. I'm a, uh, adventurer.

Ivan: Call me Ivan. Boy, those slave mines sucked. Maybe I'll write

an epic poem about them. Say, it must have been rough being an elf in

those conditions.

Tron: I don't want to talk about it.

Finally there is enough room above the door. Tron and Ivan climb into the

room. They see a room carved out of the rock. There are murals on

the walls, depicting people in ancient costume. The light in the room

comes from these murals.

Standing in the room are two skeletons; their clothing and equipment

have long since rotted away. As Tron and Ivan enter the skeletons

begin to recite poetry in a strange language.

There is a deep crack in the floor, and a strange, stalactite-like

protrusion from the center of the ceiling. There is a doorway on the

far side of the room.

Ivan: Why don't they attack?

With people on both sides, the characters manage to lever the heavy

stone door out of the way.

Tron: I wonder if they'll attack if I step further into the

room... Yup.

The skeletons shamble forward threateningly and attack the elf, still

chanting in an unknown tongue. However, their attacks are useless as

the skeletons do not seem to realize that the hafts of their axes have

long since rotted away. They strike as if the weapons still existed,

and do no harm.

Thost: (Swings at skeleton 1 with orc's dagger and misses).

Tron: Cease your chanting, fiends! (Swings, and chips skeleton 1.)

Ivan: Yaa! (Wacks skeleton 2 with the orc's sword).

Norel: (Attacks skeleton 2 from side and knocks its head completely off. The

head lands in the corner, but continues its chanting. The skeleton clatters

apart).

Tron: (Swings and chips his flint weapon on the wall).

Thost: (Hits last skeleton and dispatches it).

Tron: Damn it! Shut up! (Kicks bones down crevice. Somewhere way down at the

bottom, the heads can be heard, chanting still). Argh.

They look around the room once more, and their attention is drawn to

the strange protrusion from the ceiling.

Ivan: Hey, look at that. Somehow, I don't think that's a stalactite.

Thost: I have heard of a monster called a piercer, that attaches

itself to the ceiling of caves and drops on those who pass below.

I would guess this is a particularly stupid member of the species.

Norel: (pulls the "stalactite" from the ceiling) [Spoik] Hmmmmm...

Tron: I wonder...

Thost: If you can...

Ivan: Eat piercer.

All: Snarf. Chomp. Tear. Gulp. Uuuuurrrp. Snnooooorrre...

The players find out that, in fact, you can. It's something like a

large slug. But edible. Tastes like... chicken. They sleep in

exhaustion, having just eaten their first square meal in months, or

even years. And it was *fresh*!

After a refreshing sleep, they awaken. Norel immediately starts

moving rocks around.

Thost: [yawwwn] Huh? What the fuck is Norel doing?

Tron: Moving big rocks?

Norel: Must bulk up.

Tron: Sure buddy.

Ivan searches the other doorway. It leads into a burial room of some

kind. Many skeletons are arranged on stone slabs. It looks as though

they were once wearing rich garments, but now only tattered fragments

of cloth are left. However, each skeleton still wears a gold circlet

around its skull, and other imperishable valuables are scattered

throughout the chamber.

Sitting in a chair at the far end of the room is the skeleton of a

mighty man, almost giant-sized in stature. Clutched in its bony grip

is a great bronze two-handed sword. Ivan senses a watchful presence,

and guesses that the guardian of the tomb is still alert.

Ivan: Hmm... there's a passage way back here. It leads into a burial room of

some kind. And there's a large man, I mean skeleton, protecting it. He looks

really tough.

Thost examines the murals. It appears that they tell the story of a

woman, apparently a queen of the people (whoever they were) who built

this tomb. The murals show her being crowned, directing her people in

simple agricultural pursuits, and receiving tribute or gifts. In one

panel she is shown ministering to wounded survivors of a battle,

letting them drink from a cup. She is often shown in the company of a

man of great stature. Strange hieroglyphs are inscribed around the

murals.

Thost: Hey, after looking at these murals, it looks like they tell a story.

And between each of them, a spell is inscribed. I can learn these

spells!

Meanwhile Tron has gone to look at the burial chamber.

Tron: Booty!

Ivan: Well, let's see what happens. (Steps into room).

Tron: Uh-oh.

Giant Skeleton: (Stands up swinging its sword in a threatening

manner).

The party slowly backs away as the skeleton advances into the mural

room. A hazy outline is visible around the skeleton, showing him as

he was in life; a bearded man with dusky skin.

Thost: His features are similar to that of the Flan people. They were

the original inhabitants of this land; some still live in small

villages in remote forests. They are a primitive and superstitious

people.

Tron: Original human inhabitants; the elves were first.

Thost: Whatever dude.

The characters back slowly away, until they have all left the mural

room. The skeleton steps over the chasm, but does not follow. The

characters debate what to do and come up with a risky plan. They will

use the dead, naked orc as a decoy, and get the skeleton to swing at

it. As soon as it has attacked, they will all leap on it, and throw

it into the narrow crevice.

Tron: At least it's a plan.

Thost: Okay. I'll hold the orc.

Giant Skeleton: (chops the orc in half)

Orc: [splak]

Norel: (grabs the skeleton's left arm, and twists it back behind

him, wrenching it off the sword) Urgh!

Ivan: (grabs the right arm, and hangs on despite being badly cut

by the sword) Gnyarh!

Thost: (trips the skeleton as it tries to back away) Take that!

Tron: (gives it a weak shove) Whoops! Slipped on something here.

The skeleton stumbles backwards and sits down right on top of the

crevice, wedging itself. The party quickly smashes it to pieces

before it can clamber out.

Norel: That was easy.

Tron: Lucky, you mean.

Thost: Hey, where's Ivan?

Ivan: Down here. (climbs out of the crevice) That thing fell on me.

I could have died!

The players investigate the area thoroughly and loot the (un-animated)

skeletons of their valuables. They find a copper goblet similar to

the one depicted on the mural being used to minister to wounded men.

Thost: My guess would be that water drunk from this goblet has healing

properties.

The characters are wounded and weakened from their ordeals, so they

each drink from the cup. They find that the water drunk from it does

indeed heal them.

Thost and Ivan begin to learn the spells inscribed on the tomb

walls. Norel moves big rocks back and forth.

Tron: I'm going to scout down this crevice and see what's there.

The elf climbs along the crevice, feeling that there is moisture down

there. As he is climbing along a piercer suddenly falls past him,

narrowly missing him.

Tron: Yipes!

He climbs upwards and discovers a small colony of piercers clinging to

the ceiling of the crack.

Piercers: ...

Tron: Stay fresh!

The elf moves onwards, making sure not to move beneath the monsters.

The crevice leads deep into the mountain and opens out on the shore of

an underground lake. There is evidence that the water level of the

lake has gone down recently.

Tron: Ahhh... must be the water source for the water behind that dam. Or

part of it.

The elf finds the decaying corpse of some sort of fish-man, which

appears to have been gnawed on by small creatures. It smells so bad

that even the desperately hungry escaped slave finds it unappetizing.

Tron explores further and finds a tree washed up on the shore, and

also a small, piranha-like fish.

Tron: Now that looks edible.

He breaks some branches off the tree and brings them back, along with

the fish, stopping on the way to collect a small piercer. Using

Tron's flint short sword, and the orc's iron war-badge, and their

slave-rags as tinder, they make a small fire. With a bronze shield as

frying pan, Ivan displays the most endearing skill any of them can, at

this moment, imagine: that of a chef.

Ivan: It's quite like a large snail, actually. You see -- piercer, sliced

thinly, marinated in a bit of it's acidic defensive secretion and garnished

with fresh-water soaked pine needles, is still quite tender. Fresh water

carnivorous fish liver makes a great desert and the filets are...

All: Snarf. Chomp. Tear. Gulp. Snnnooooore.

Time passes quickly. The spell-casters spend several days learning

spells. They slaughter the hibernating bear which they had

encountered earlier. Ivan smokes bear meat and makes sausage. They

make bear-skin cloaks from the hide, odd sandals from washed up

boards, and orc tendons. They make water skins from the bear stomach

and bladder.

Tron and Norel, while making a make-shift boat out of the washed up

tree, meet Rrrrrraaaqquig, another one of the man-fish. He was swept

down a waterfall and trapped in the lake. He promises to show them a

way out, if they will help climb the waterfall and return to his

tribe. They do so, and he keeps his word and shows them a way out.

Norel makes a bow. It doesn't turn out so well, but he gives it to

Tron -- the orc's crossbow has since dried out. Between the two cloaks

made from the bear skin, and the orc's (rather smelly) cloak, they

have clothes enough for three people, and two hundred-pounds of smoked

bear meat.

Norel: I will go hunting. We need more fur.

Tron: I will go with you.

Norel: I hunt best alone. (leaves)

The hulking, fur clad man climbs out of the hole shown to them by

RRRrrrrrqauig. He sneaks through the shallow snow for hours and hours,

looking for tracks. Eventually, he find a mountain goat.

Goat: [chomp chomp chomp root root]

Norel: [sneak]

Goat: [chomp]

Norel: [sneak]

Goat: [chomp]

Norel: [twang thunk] Direct hit!

Goat: Hmmmm? Ehh. [chomp chomp]

Norel: #$%!!!#@$^%^$!!! [reloads] Aim... [thunk] Gotcha!

Goat: Urg. (looks around)

Norel: Yaaaaaaaa!!! Charge!!!!!

Goat: [bleeds]

Norel: (swings hand axe and misses)

Goat: (gores Norel badly)

Norel: My god. How did man ever survive??? (swings and cleaves goat)

Goat: [expires]

As the ranger catches his breath after his desperate battle, he smells

smoke. He sneaks up over a rise and sees a small camp; several tents

have been set up and a fire is going. Several human-sized figures are

visible; they appear to be heavily armed. Norel returns in triumph

with the dead goat.

The characters slaughter the goat, and cure its meat. The goat-hide becomes

a cloak for Tron to protect from the intense cold. They have water skins,

meat, stomachs well fed on cave-fish, piercers, bear and goat. They have

weapons. They have clothes. They have fire. They are ready.

TO BE CONTINUED...