Episode 32
"A Fish Called Tron"
(c) Matt Grossman and J. Sage Schreiner

Nigil Palom, noble from a far-distant land -- Kevin Osborn
Norel Boulderdash, a well-built ranger -- Tom Morin
Tron, a resourcefull elf -- Matt Grossman
Sapphire, a blood thirsty gnome warrior -- Corey Paganucci
Danic, a dwarven warrior-mage -- Eric Kruller
All others -- Sage Schreiner

Nigil: [thud] Ouch!
Tron: There's magic afoot!

Norel blocks the door with his massive frame, to prevent any invisible creatures escaping.

Ingram: What's going on in there? What's that smell?

Bran appears at the top of the stairs.

Bran: What's going on? Why are these people in my room?

Soren: (uses Detect Evil to see that Bran is glowing) That is not Bran! That is an illusion!
Ingram: Huh? Of course it's Bran. And young man, you have some explaining to do!

The characters begin searching the room. Suddenly the desk flies into the air and clobbers Tron.

Tron: Dammit! (stabs the desk a few times) Danic, get in here!
Danic: (enters the room) Hmm, there are fading magical auras on the desk and the armoire, and that
chest is magical.
Nigil: Die, evil armoire! [stab]
Norel: I thought it was a wardrobe.

Tron inspects the fireplace. He feels something touch his foot, and then a sudden wave of fear,
which he masters.

Tron: Bah! (starts moving through the room, waving his swords)
Nigil: Hey! Something touched me! Whoah! (ducks the flying chest)
Danic: Enough of this! (splatters ink into the room near Nigil)
Norel: Err, won't that ink just vanish when it hits the whatsit?
Danic: Ahhh, watch and learn!

Black inky footprints suddenly appear moving slowly across the room. They look weird and deformed,
more like very large handprints than footprints.

Tron: Gotcha! (attacks the whatsit) Oof!

Suddenly in front of the elf a hulking, apelike, orange furred monster appears.

Tron: The orangutang!
Orangutang: Rraaarh! Hoooman die now!
Nigil: At last, something to fight! [hack]
Norel: Leave some for me! [chop] (hears a voice in his head say "You hurt me!") Huh?
Danic: Let me power up first... (casts Bull's Strength on himself)
Soren: (out in the hall) Hey, he's casting a...
Norel: Silence spell?

The characters attack the monster repeatedly, but seem to have little effect. Only the most powerful
blows scratch its hide and produce a slow flow of black ichor. Meanwhile, the monster's powerful claws
and fangs do considerable damage to the party.

Tron: Ouch! (backs away)
Soren: (runs into the room and heals the elf)
Tron: (runs around behind the monster and backstabs it, with no discernable effect)
Nigil: Take that! [hack]
Monster: Heh heh [claw claw bite]
Nigil: Medic!
Monster: Rar! I gonna go down into garden and kill boy!
(vanishes)

Nigil: Those orangutangs are pretty tough!
Norel: No, orangutangs are wise ape-men from the southern jungles who live for four hundred years and
eat only the leaves of the eucalyptus tree. This is some kind of magical creature.
Danic: What was that about the garden?

They run out into the corridor and find Allida.

Allida: ... (moves out of the zone of silence) He... he... turned daddy into a mouse! (clings to Nigil)
Norel: Where did the mouse go?
Allida: I... I don't know. What's going on?
Tron: No time to talk! Let's go to the garden!
Danic: (already running down the stairs, he steps on a caltrop) Owww!

They run (or in Danic's case, limp) down the stairs and into the garden, which is... empty.

Nigil: So much for that.
Servant: What's going on? What was all that noise?
Nigil: Allida, you'd better get them all together and explain.

The servants are called together in the dining room of the keep. Allida stands up on the table.

Allida: Ummm... Bran is some sort of monster, and my daddy got turned into a mouse. So nobody kill any
mice! Ok?

The party tries to figure out what to do. Suddenly a short figure appears at the door of the keep.

Sapphire: Hi guys, what's up?
Nigil: Sapphire? What are you doing here?
Tron: Didn't you stay with Rognvald?
Sapphire: Those guys were boring. I figured I'd join up with you again.

The party explains what's been happening to the gnome.

Norel: Well, if he didn't go downstairs, he must have gotten off on the second floor. And nobody's come
down the stairs since. So we should go up and get him.
Tron: Don't forget the orangutang. I'm sure that's important.
Norel: I can place a spell to sound the alarm if anyone goes down the stairs.

The party heads upstairs and searches the second floor thouroughly, but finds nothing. Then they go up
to the third floor.

Mouse: Squee! (runs up to Danic) Squee squee squee!
Danic: Hmm, that must be Sir Ingram. (picks up the mouse and puts it in his pouch) Take care of him,
Jeremiah. Jeremiah (Danic's toad familiar): ...

They search Allida's room.

Mouse#2: Squee! (runs up to Nigil)
Tron: Huh?
Danic: Oh shit! Come on guys! (runs out of the room)
Nigil: Where's he going?
Soren: Oh, he does that sometimes.
Norel: (uses his rangerly powers to speak with animals) Who are you?
Mouse#2: I'm Allida! I got turned into a mouse!
Nigil: (picks up mouse#2) Let's go!

They run downstairs. As they reach the first floor, the doors to the banquet room fly open, revealing
that the room is full of noxious gas. Servants stagger out, vomiting and choking.

Norel: Foiled again! Where's Danic?
Tron: (runs outside the keep and climbs the wall overlooking the
garden) We have to watch all the exits from the room.
Nigil: Remember, it could look like anything now. (joins Tron on the
wall)

Griswell: (emerges from the room, choking and trying to speak) ...
Norel: He's been silenced!
Sapphire: I hate fighting wizards.

A small piglet comes running into the garden from the banquet room. There is a toad on its back and a
mouse clinging to its tail.

Tron: What the...
Nigil: I think that's Danic. [snicker]

The piglet starts rolling around in the mud with a blissful look in its face. It is clearly female.

Tron: [snicker] Hey guys, we found Danic!
Nigil: What's that smoke?

The smithy and storehouse of the keep have been set on fire.

Sapphire: Come on, let's put that fire out! Stop crying, you wusses! [slap]

The gnome begins organizing the servants into a firefighting brigade. Meanwhile, the rest of the party
waits for the gas to dissipate, then searches the keep. They find no sign of their shape changing enemy.

Nigil: I guess that's not really surprising. Hey Griswell, what happened?
Griswell: The dwarf came downstairs and started checking the doors. Then she... it, I mean, turned him
into a pig. Before I could finish my spell it silenced me, then it summoned the stinking cloud. I didn't
see what happened to it.
Norel: Can you do anything about Sir Ingram, and Allida, and Danic?
Griswell: I have a spell that can reverse the polymorph, but I can only cast it twice per day. I only have
one instance of it prepared now, however, and I should use it on Sir Ingram.
Tron: How about taking a look at the scarecrow in the garden?

Griswell casts Detect Magic and looks at the scarecrow.

Griswell: Strange... that pumpkin is magical.
Norel: That pumpkin is Bran.
Danic: Oink! (looks hungrily at the pumpkin)

Griswell takes the pumpkin into the kitchen and casts Dispel Magic. Bran appears.

Bran: Aaaagh! Wahhh! I want my daddy! Waaah!
Griswell: Now, now...
Bran: Waaaah!
Tron: Bah. [slap] Be a man.
Bran: Waaaah!
Nigil: Nice going Tron.

They give Bran a drink of wine and after a while he calms down.

Norel: So what happened?
Bran: I was walking in the woods near the castle, and I met a friendly scarecrow. He was called Mr. Gaunt.
He said that he would help me, and at first he did, but then he... he... turned me into a pumpkin! He kept asking about an amulet. And he killed the gardener! Wahh!
I saw it!
Tron: At least we have a name.
Nigil: What the heck is a friendly scarecrow?
Soren: Many strange things exist in the world.
Danic: Oink.
Griswell: Strange. When I was in college I knew another student named Gaunt. Must just be a coincidence.
He certainly wasn't a scarecrow.
Nigil: Maybe he is now.

Meanwhile, Sapphire has coordinated putting out the fires and setting up a guard around the keep.

Sapphire: Now what?
Danic: (restrains himself from diving into the bucket of kitchen
scraps) Oink!
Norel: The pig's right. Let's eat.

The party and the servants (those who are not on guard duty) crowd into the kitchen and eat an early lunch
or late breakfast.

Sapphire: This sausage is pretty good. [chew]
Tron: Pass me some of that ham. [chomp chomp]
Norel: Mmm, this bacon is first-rate. [munch]
Nigil: Nothing like salt pork and fresh bread in the morning! [chomp swallow]

Danic: (watches in horror)
Tron: (offers a ham sandwich to the piglet)
Danic: (widdles on the elf's foot)
Tron: Hey! [punt]
Danic: Squeal! Oink oink!

Later in the day another murder is discovered.

Sapphire: I need to use the privy. (knock knock) Ho hum... err...

The head chambermaid's legs are sticking out of the cesspool.

Sapphire: Wow, what a way to go.

The party posts a careful guard for the rest of the day, but nothing else happens. At nightfall the party
gathers all the servants together into the banquet room and bars the doors.

Bran: But what if I have to go wee-wee in the night?
Tron: Do it in the chamber pot like everyone else!

Griswell looks worried.

Tron: What is it?
Griswell: It's not important.
Tron: Shyaa right. Spit it out, Griswell.
Griswell: No, it's none of your business.
Tron: I'll be the one to decide that. If I think that you're in league with our enemies, let's just say that
you'll regret it.
Griswell: (pulls his blankets over his head)
Tron: Oh no you don't. (pulls the blankets down) I want to be able to see your face all night. If you're not
you and the spell wears off, I want to know it.
Griswell: Bah. (goes to sleep)

Norel: Nice going, Tron. He's the only wizard we have.
Danic: Oink.
Norel: Pigs don't count.
Danic: (widdles on Norel's foot)
Norel: Hey! (punt)
Danic: Squee! Oink!
Tron: Bah. Wizards.

The night passes uneventfully, however. In the morning Soren uses the power of Moraddin to restore the party
further. Griswell restores Sir Ingram and Danic to their rightful forms.

Ingram: So... my daughter is a mouse and there's some sort of fiendish scarecrow running amok.
Tron: And that's not all! Griswell knows something he's not telling us.
Ingram: Well, Griswell? Out with it!

Griswell goes and mutters into Sir Ingram's ear.

Ingram: Oh, that's ok.
Tron: What's ok?
Ingram: Griswell makes a hobby of watching the stars. Apparently there is a new star, and he is hoping it will
be named for him. He was concerned because he could not make his observations last night.
Danic: What kind of star?
Griswell: (sigh) A tailed star has appeared far in the north. It is very faint and I believe that I am the first
savant to observe it. I was hoping to keep my studies a secret. As I am farthest North of all known astronmers,
except for Hamid al-Harash in the Baklunish lands, I hoped to name it for myself.
Danic: Such stars herald great turmoil and the deaths of princes.
Tron: Hmph.
Norel: Aren't you supposed to be watching the stars now, Tron?
Tron: I do. It's the 26th of Planting.
Griswell: Ahem. It's the 24th.
Tron: I think you're wrong. By my reckoning, it's the 26th.
Griswell: (sigh)
Danic: Tell me more of this new star...

Danic and Griswell spend the morning discussing astronomy. The rest of the party tries to figure out what to do.

Norel: So the guy can turn invisible, can turn himself into any shape he wants... I don't see how we can catch him. He could be spying on us now.
Soren: Moraddin gives me the power to detect evil. I think that might help.

The party wanders around the keep grounds, looking for evil.

Soren: There! That raven over there! (points to a raven perched on the battlements, about 60 feet away)

Tron: [twang]
Norel: (Casts Hold Animal)
Raven: (Looks surprised, indignant, then shakes it off.)
Nigil: [twang]
Danic: Firkin' ding blast!
Raven: (turns into a nine foot tall, pumpkin headed scarecrow) Bwahahaha! I want my amulet!
Danic: How is it your amulet?
Gaunt: I stole it, so it's mine. Give it to me!
Danic: Bite me!
Gaunt: Fine. (points a wand at Danic, who is hit by a bolt of acid)
Danic: Aaagh, it burns!

All of the party except Tron and Soren charge towards the tower leading up to the wall.

Tron: [twang twang twang]
Gaunt: Heh. (ignores the arrows)
Soren: Begone, fiend! Ok, guess he's not undead.

Sapphire: (bursts into the tower and starts running up the stairs)
Nigil: (follows)
Danic: Ouch! Ow! Ow! (still being burned by the acid, he follows)
Norel: (runs for another tower)
Tron: (runs up underneath the wall, out of sight of Gaunt) I'll be safe here.
Soren: Umm...
Gaunt: (leans over the wall) I think... goldfish! [boink]
Tron: No fai... (flop flop)

Sapphire: (climbs)
Nigil: (climbs)
Danic: (climbs)

Norel: Uh-oh. (runs over and picks up Tron)
Tron: (flop)
Gaunt: And for my next trick... (casts a spell)

Suddenly the tower is swarming with poisonous spiders.

Nigil: Ow, spider bites? What the heck?
Danic: Ow! Ouch! Ow! I hate insects!
Norel: (Yelling) Spiders aren't insects... they're arachnids.
Tron: Blub.
Sapphire: (bursts out onto the battlements and charges Gaunt) Yaaaargh! [swipe]
Gaunt: See you later. (turns into a swallow and dives off the battlement, quickly disappearing
into the forest.

Norel: (drops Tron into a bucket of water) This'll do, I guess.
Tron: Blub. (swim swim)

Nigil: Well, that could have gone better.
Sapphire: I hate wizards!
Danic: That one is much more powerful than I am in the arcane arts.
Norel: We need a new strategy.
Nigil: We need to recover our strength more.

The rest of the day and night pass uneventfully. The servants are going around in groups, nervously
watching the shadows, while the party has taken to barricading themselves into a single room at night.

Sapphire: [yawn] Guess I'm sharing a bed with Idne.
Danic: [snicker]
Nigil: [snicker]
Idne: No, really, it's warmer this way.
Norel: Be warm all night, take a gnome to bed.
Sapphire: Bah! Men.

Later...

Norel: No! That's not the chamberpot! That's Tron's bucket!
Danic: Oh. Whoops. Heh heh.
Tron: Blub.

The next day Tron is unfished, and Allida is demoused.

Tron: It's nice to have legs again.
Danic: What was it like being a fish?
Tron: It was... different.

They try to come up with a plan, but fail.

Norel: So I guess our plan is wait until he attacks us again.
Tron: We're still not fully recovered from the dungeons.
Danic: I say we leave when we're recovered. We have the amulet, and we're just endangering these
people by staying.
Tron: We could just give him the amulet.
Danic: No way! Anyway, he is evil and a murderer. We have to defeat him.
Nigil: Easier said than done.
Tron: Maybe we could tell him that we gave the amulet to Vodeus the Allissan. [snicker]

Nothing happens that next day either. Thanks to Soren's magic, the party is now almost fully recovered.
However, that night...

Tron: (on guard, suddenly finds himself turned into a box turtle) Erk?

A hand reaches down and flips Tron onto his back. Then the room fills with a noxious cloud of gas. The
party stumbles towards the door in a panic. Except for Sapphire, Danic, and Soren they are too confused
to grab their weapons.

Sapphire: He's in here somewhere! [cough] There! (swish)
Gaunt: Hmm... turtle! [boink]
Sapphire: (now a box turtle, she starts crawling towards the door)
Danic: [cough cough] I can't see anything!
Nigil: Where's Tron?
Tron: (on his back, wiggling his little turtle feet in the air) ...

The party stumbles into the hall. As they are catching their breath, Gaunt appears in the doorway.

Gaunt: (glares at Danic) You! You have my amulet!
Danic: vaanDrager! (tackles Gaunt)
Gaunt: What the... (shakes the dwarf off)
Nigil: That's the idea! (grabs Gaunt in a bearhug and knees him in the
groin)
Norel: Now you're talking! (gets Gaunt in a hammerlock) Let's see you cast a spell now!
Soren: Hold him still, guys! [whack]

Gaunt: Bah. (instantly turns into twenty foot wide blob of black protoplasm... a black pudding!)
Nigil: Whoah! I can't hold him!
Sapphire: (crawls up to Gaunt and bites him) ...
Norel: (bodyslams the black pudding into the wall with a mighty effort) I... [thud] will... [thud] destroy...
[thud] you!!!
Soren: vaanDrager! [whack]
Danic: vaanDrager! [chop]

The black pudding writhes furiously in the ranger's grip, but cannot escape.

Soren: Crom, err, I mean Moraddin! What strength! [whack]
Nigil: I'm gonna go get my sword! (goes into the room)
Sapphire: [bite]
Danic: [hack]

Tron: (still trying to flip himself over) ...

With a mighty convulsion, the black pudding breaks the ranger's grip and turns itself into a bat.

Gaunt: (flees into the room)
Norel: Nigil! Get that bat!
Nigil: [swish] Dammit!
Gaunt: (almost out of the window)
Nigil: [spork]
Gaunt: (falls to the ground and transforms back into his scarecrow form)
Nigil: I got him! Oh, and I guess that turtle is Tron.
Danic: Loot the body!

The castle has been awakened by the sound of the battle.

Sir Ingram: What happened? What's that.
Nigil: That is the murderer.
Griswell: (turns Tron and Sapphire back to their rightful forms)
Tron: What about the orangutang?
Sir Ingram: Griswell says that that was probably a summoned creature. It looks like you have rid my
castle of a murderer. I owe you my deepest thanks.
Norel: Oh, we do this sort of thing all the time.

The next day the party prepares to depart. Idne has decided to stay in the castle and join Sir Ingram's
service as a chambermaid.

Tron: What did you find on the body?
Danic: Two wands and four potions. A pretty good haul.
Sir Ingram: In token of my regards, please accept this small gift of money and this magic cloak. I will
be leaving soon to join the king's army in Ratikhill. I hope that you will join me in fighting the orcs.
Norel: We're always up for fighting orcs.
Alida: (embraces Nigil and kisses him) Come back soon.
Nigil: Never fear, I shall return.
Sir Ingram: (frowns)

The party rides out along the coast road. As they are leaving the castle, Merle the blacksmith and Rook
the librarian come up to them.

Rook: You guys did pretty good. Here, take this. (hands Danic a raven's feather) If you need help, break
this feather in twain.
Danic: Thanks, I think.
Idne: Buy Nigil! Don't get hurt!
Sir Ingram: Phew. Was it just me or did that dwarf stink?

They head out along the road. This road runs a couple hundred yards from the sandstone cliffs of Ratik,
surrounded by heather, bracken, and stunted trees. A few hundred yards inland the dark pine forests of
the Ratik highlands cast a dismal shadow. The day is sunny, but since it has been raining for the past week
the road is muddy and progress is slow. The party discusses the events of the previous few days.

Sapphire: I thought those pudding things oozed acid. How come Norel didn't get burned?
Danic: Well, when a wizard takes the form of an animal, he does not gain the special powers of that creature,
just its form. So in this case, when Gaunt took the form of a black pudding, he didn't produce acid.
Norel: Why didn't he turn himself into lava, or something like that? That's what I was afraid of.
Danic: That's easy. Lava isn't a creature. His magic only let him turn himself or other people into creatures.
That's why he didn't just turn Tron into a rock, for example.
Tron: So how could he turn Bran into a pumpkin?
Danic: Umm... Perhap he had other magic?

Around midday the party encounters a wagon heading the other way, with a man and woman in it.

Man: Greetings, strangers. Where are you bound for?
Nigil: We are headed for Marner.
Man: I heard that there were barbarian raids along the coast up north.

They ride on. The party eats lunch at a small fishing village. As they enter the tavern, a big man
says something to a neighbor, stands up and leaves. The party continues on in the afternoon and and camps that 
night in the countryside. The next day they are still moving on. In the late morning they see a skeleton moving
across the heather inland of them.

Tron: What the heck?
Nigil: Let's check it out.

They approach the skeleton. It does not react to them. One of its feet appears to be damaged, and it is limping
in a straight line, heading approximately southeast.

Soren: Return to your rest!
Skeleton: (crumbles into dust)
Soren: That was easy.

They track the skeleton back the way it came for a couple hours, but it seems to have just been travelling randomly.

Tron: That wasn't a wandering monster, that was a lost monster.

They return to the road, and soon come to a small town. The local militia glares at them suspiciously, but
allows them to buy food. They continue on, and soon come to a broad, fast-moving river that was, at one point,
spanned by a bridge.

Nigil: I guess the floods washed it away.

The river is a raging torrent, swollen by snowmelt and rain, and is completely impassable.

Norel: Hmm, from these tracks I would guess there is a huge bear about.
Danic: Check out this sign.

There is a piece of paper nailed to a plank of wood. On it there is a crude sketch of a bridge and an arrow pointing
upstream. There is also a picture of a bear.

Tron: That's easy to interpret, unlike that "writing" thing.
Danic: Bah. Let's head upstream.

They head upstream, but as night falls they have not seen any bridges. They make camp.

TO BE CONTINUED...