Episode 16
"A Fortuitous Encounter"
Copyright 2000, Matt Grossman and J. Sage Schreiner

Special thanks to Matt Grossman for the "play".

Tron Malkaszar, an irreverant elf -- Matt Grossman
Norel Bolderdash, hulking woodsman of the Adri forest -- Tom Morin
Nigil Palom, noble from a far-distant land -- Kevin Osborn
Aran, a newly remade Paladin from Tenh -- AJ Drexel
Tika, a courageous gnome -- Corey Paganucci
Rhahid, a mysterious spell-crafter -- Eric Kruller 
All others -- Sage Schreiner

The party rests in the caves of the Flan for several days, until
everyone is healed up.

Tron: That's weird, I can't see in the dark anymore.
Tika: I still can -- but it's in black and white!
Nigil: I feel like a much mightier fighter, somehow.
Norel: I feel... weak.
Skanda: For some reason my healing spells are much more potent now.
Aran: Heh. I'm still good looking.
Skanda: And conceited?
Aran: I didn't catch that?
Skanda: You wouldn't understand.

They decide to go to the goblins and see if any of Tika's companions
are still alive.  They "borrow" the wooden boat and set out.

Bimsi (King's Wife): You shouldn't take that.
Party: ...
Bimsi: Oh, I mean, why don't you borrow our boat...

Aran: I must remain and train the king in the ways of Hieroneous. The great
evil these people have committed on themselves... disturbs me.

Desh guides the adventurers across the underground sea.  As they
approach the goblin beach, traveling without light...

Tika: Shh!  There's another coracle out there... it's going in
circles... there are two goblins in it...

Desh silently dives into the water from his coracle and disappears.
As the party draws closer, they can hear the goblins talking.  Tika
speaks goblin, and Tron knows orcish, which is close.

Goblin 1: Like this!
Goblin 2: No, smelly? like this!
Goblin 1: Who smelly?
Goblin 2: What you do?  Now boat sink!
Goblin: Not me! Why boat sink?

Desh surfaces, holding his knife.

Desh: [grins]
Tika: (in goblin) 'Sup G?
Goblins: Huh?
Tika: Have you seen any gnomes around?
Goblin 1: No!
Goblin 2: Yes... umm, no.
Goblin 1: Only the ones the king has. No gnomes at all.
Tika: What's the king doing with them?
Goblin 2: Whatever kings do with gnomes. But he doesn't have any.
Goblin 1: He won't let us eat them, yummy gnomes.

The party pauses to digest this information.  Meanwhile, the goblins
continue to sink.  One attempts to climb on top of the other, but the
other goblin stabs it.  Desh fished out the wounded one and quickly cuts
its throat.  The surviving goblin starts to sink.

Goblin: Help!  Save me!
Tika: Ok, we'll save you if you take us to the gnomes.

They pull the goblin into the boat and tie him up.

Tika: And one noise out of you -- if you even fart -- you're dead!
Goblin: (scrunches eyes shut and squeezes small green buttcheeks together)

Soon the party arrives at a beach.  Desh sinks his coracle offshore,
the party just pulls their boat up on the beach.

Tika: Now lead on!  And remember, no funny business.

After the party walks for several minutes, six goblins charge out of
the darkness.

Rhahid: (lights a torch)
Tika: Die! [hack slay]
Goblin: [poke]
Tika: Ow!
Nigil: Leave some for us!
Tron: [stab]
Norel: Die, green ones! [cleave]

The surviving goblin flees into the darkness.

Rhahid: Now they know we are coming.
Nigil: So keep the torch burning.  These guys are wusses.

Soon the party reaches a steep stony slope, dotted with caves.  This
is the lair of the goblins.  Several stones and crude spears fly at
the party, but miss.

Tika: (in Goblin) We want to talk!  We want the gnomes back, and
we are willing to pay!  Bring out your king, we will talk to him!

Soon a voice calls down from the darkness.

Goblin King: I am the king! I want perfume! Soft fuzzy things! I want
to trade!
Rhahid: I am sure that he does...
Tika: Umm... how about gems?
Goblin King: What kind of gems?  Show me. Shiny is good.

Nigil holds up one of the uncut amethysts from the octopus cave.

Goblin King: No, it is not shiny enough.

Nigil holds up a less valuable but shinier gem.

Goblin King: That is good!
Tika: We will give you one gem for each gnome!
Goblin King: No, two for each!  For a total of five!
Tika: Ok... a total of five!  Send down a gnome, and we will send up a
gem! The rest afterwards.
Goblin King: (does "math" quickly") Okay.

Soon, a goblin dressed like gnome, complete with false beard, walks
hesitantly into the torchlight, holding out his hand.

Tika: (headbutts goblin in the crotch) Go back and send a real gnome!

After a while, a real gnome, battered but alive, walks into the
torchlight.

Gnome: (in gnomish) Tika!  How...
Tika: (in gnomish) It's a long story, Rocky.

One by one, the five gnomes are sent down, each with a goblin escort.
These escorts then return holding the gems...

Goblin King: Hey!  You didn't send back a gem!
Tron: Look in his ass!

There is a cry of pain from the darkness.

Goblin King: Ah!  Thank you!
Tron: These guys are almost too much fun.

Norel: These gnomes don't have any of their equipment.  We'd better
get that as well.
Tika: We will send up two gems if you send down the gnome's equipment.
Goblin King: Sure!
Tron: Oh no.

Sure enough, the party sends up two gems and the goblins return a pile
of what is obviously not the gnome's equipment.

Tika: Allow me.  (with a quick cantrip, she creates a handful of
shiny beads). Send down the real gnome equipment and we'll give you these
gems!
Goblin King: Mmmmmm... shiny... ok!
Rhahid: Hey -- how did you --
Tika: Even Svirfneblinitos can do that.

Soon, the gnomes have (most of) their equipment back, and the goblin
king has some shiny beads.

Tika: Those beads will last for about an hour.
Nigil: What are we waiting for?  Let's go!

They go back to their boat.

Tika: What are we going to do with the prisoner?
Norel: I guess you haven't really met Tron yet...

There is the sound of a blade being drawn across a windpipe.

Goblin: Gurgle [thud]
Tron: What? Didn't anyone else hear him fart?
Skanda: These are not the ways of Pholtus.
Nigil: Technically, we didn't promise to let him go. Just said
we'd kill him if he farted or looked at us funny.
Skanda: Oh. Good point.

The party returns triumphant to the Flan base.  They bring with them
the corpses of the goblins they killed, which the Flan gleefully
devour.

Rhahid: I did not realize "cave oysters" were such a delicacy.
Tika: Do all surface dwellers have such, err, dietary habits?
Norel: I figure we've killed about seventy-five percent of the adult
males of these people.  They're going to have a hard time getting food
for the next few years.
Aran: Hieroneous will provide. (to the king) Wait, you must say grace
first!

The leader of the gnomes wishes to speak to the party.  Tika
translates.

Lead Gnome (in gnomish): Although I hate to be indebted to large,
stupid, uncouth surface dwellers, I have to admit that I owe you my
life.  It pains me deeply, but I guess I have to give you a gift.
Tika: (in Aerdi) He says that he owes you his life.
Nigil: Are gnomes always this grumpy?

The lead gnome gives the party an amulet inscribed with characters.

Lead Gnome: Come on Tika, we're going back to the gnome home.
Tika: Actually, I want to go to the surface with these guys.  It's
been my lifelong dream to see the "sun" and "stars", and to feel the
"wind".
Lead Gnome: Tika... you are truly brave.  When I return, I shall tell
the others that you have... passed on.
Tika: Thank you, Karpak. I think.

Over the next few "days" Aran finishes indoctrinating the Flan in the
worship of Hieroneous, the gnomes leave, and Tron retrieves the rest
of the uncut amethysts from the octopus cave.  Finally, they are ready
to try for the surface again.

Skanda: These hunters say they can lead us to the fishmen, or anyway
lead us to a passage which will take us to them.
Tron: Let's go!
Nigil: Those fishmen better know the way out.

The hunters take the party by boat up the river, to a place where
there is a passage on the right hand side.  Desh insists on
accompanying the party.

Skanda: They say just go this way, and always turn left, and you'll
reach the fishmen lair.

They head down the passage. They pass through several intersections, 
always turning left.  Then they come to a crack on the left hand wall 
of the passage, leading down.

Norel: Do you think this is what they mean?
Desh:  (heads down the crack)
Tron: I guess he knows what the Flan think is reasonable...

At points the crack is so low that the fighters must crawl, but
eventually it opens out into a natural caverns.  Against the right
wall are stalactites, and a deep pool lies against the left wall.

Tika: Hey, I wonder what that shiny thing is near the water.
Tron: This?  Just a bronze fishhook.  Hey, I see gold in the
water... [splash splash]
Nigil: You'd think he would learn...
Tron: (leaps out of the water) There's something in there!  Something
invisible!  Didn't get me though.  And I got a gold piece.
Skanda: (shakes her head)

They continue through the cavern (keeping a wary eye on the
stalactites), and find themselves again crawling through a narrow
crevice. This eventually opens into a vast natural cavern.

Rhahid: So, we go left, yes?
Piercer: Yeeeahhh! [crunch]
Rhahid: Hey, there's things falling from the ceiling...
Piercer: (scunches eyes shut) Farewell my friends, I go on to a better
place! Eeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaagh! [Splortch]
Norel: Run!

They run around the edge of the cavern, dodging piercers, until the
reach a passage about five feet off the ground.  They dodge inside.
However, this corridor soon narrows to the point where none of the
party can continue.

Tron: They must not have meant us to take this passage.
Skanda: I... did sense that one of them seemed unsure that this was the
correct way.
Nigil: Great.

They decide to rest in this narrow corridor.  During Tron's watch, he
hears the sound of rock crumbling.  It is faint at first, but gets
slowly louder...

Tron: Wake up!  It's one of those hulk things!

The party grips their weapons and waits in darkness as the crumbling
gets closer.  Suddenly there is a crash from the direction of the
cavern, followed by the sound of massive footsteps, heading towards
the passage.

Tika: We call them "Umberhulks" -- sometimes we use charmed hulks
for tunneling in dangerous places.

There is a roar of pain from the cavern.  The footsteps
continue... then there is another roar.  Then the sound of something
falling on the ground...

Norel: Piercers!

Occasionally roaring in pain, the umber hulk lumbers across the cavern
and tunnels into the rock on the far side.  The party goes back to
sleep.

After waking, they continue, and soon find another passage.  They
follow this for a while, until it ends at a steep cliff that goes down
beyond their lantern light.

Tika: Lower me down!  I'll see what's at the bottom.

They lower the gnome.

Norel: Ok, one tug to stop lowering you, two tugs to lower you more,
and three tugs to pull you up.
Nigil: Or just scream.

However, nothing happens to Tika, and she reports that the cliff is
about seventy feet high, and the passage continues at the bottom.
One at a time, everyone except Tron is lowered down the cliff.  Then
Tron throws the rope down and climbs down.

Norel: It looks like fishmen have passed through here recently.
Rhahid: Perhaps this is the right way after all.

They continue down the corridor.  It opens out into a room.  As Tika
enters, she is attacked by six fishmen who had been lurking inside.

Tika: Eat steel! [stab]
Tron: (somersaults past the gnome, dodging the fishmen's attacks) Hah!
Try this! [miss] Or not.
Nigil: Let me through!  Gnyarr! [chop hack cleave]
Fishman 1: [thud]
Fishman 2: Urk... gurgle... (falls)
Fishman 3: (cleft in twain, dies instantly)
Nigil: Who da man?  You got nothin'!
Norel: Take one alive! [chop] But not that one.
Fishman: Blurblurblufbub. (drops his spear and raises his arms)

(Note: at this point, the calculated the number of "generic"
fishmen left of this level, rolled a d20... and came up with a
'1'. Frankly, I'm still amazed this happened.)

Tron: Hey, it's Blueblurb!

The fishman seems overjoyed to see them, and talks to them in goblin.

Blueblurb: Twice you have spared my life!  This must be the doing of
Blibdoolpoolp! You are now my hatchling mates. I cannot betray you.

They talk with him, with Tron and Tika translating.

Aran: We seek the surface again.  Can you take us to your king,
Splugoosh?
Blueblurb: Hmm... yes, king knows way to surface, but is difficult,
because king is... I do not know the word...

He draws a symbol of eight arrows radiating from a central point on
the floor.

Tron: Is he saying the king's chaotic?
Tika: Is there anyone else who can help us?
Blueblurb: Maybe the monitor... no, monitor violent.
Nigil: That's okay. So are we.
Tron: Well, lead on.

Blueblurb leads them down a passage which ends in water.

Blueblurb: After this... two sleeping chambers, then the monitor's
chamber.  Then the king.  Three times we go through water.
Tron: What's in these sleeping chambers.
Blueblurb: Maybe fishmen, sleeping.
Tron: Right. (draws his dagger and takes it between his teeth)

Blueblurb leads Tron under water into a chamber with waist deep
water.  There is one sleeper... but not for long.  One by one,
Blueblurb leads the party into this room.

Tron: You say there's one more chamber?
Skanda: Wait.

She casts light on a gold piece, which Tron puts in his pouch.

When the rest of the party arrives in the next chamber, they find Tron
and four floating corpses.

Tron: This is fun!
Blueblurb: Now is monitor.  Monitor is very dangerous.
Norel: What does the monitor do?
Blueblurb: Sometimes fishmen go (he draws the chaos symbol in the air
again)... then monitor stop them.  With hands and feet only.  Monitor
very tough.

They decide to send Tron first, then Nigil will swim in by himself and
Blueblurb will lead in Norel.  When the two warriors arrive, they find
a chamber that is mostly dry, with a pool of water in one corner where
they are standing.  Floating in the pool is the body of a fish-woman.
Three more fish-women are cowering in a corner.  Tron is in the dry
part of the chamber, fighting a lone fishman.  The glowing light-coin
illuminates this weird scene.

Monitor: The salmon leaps! (springs in the air and kicks Tron)
Tron: Oof!  I guess you guys can handle this one.
Nigil: No problem! [hack chop]

The battle is short but fierce.

Monitor: Wings of the manta ray! (pummels Nigil)
Nigil: Ouch! Damn, too fast!
Monitor: Flying Fish! (Kicks Nigl in the head)
Norel: Ummm... axe of the ranger! [chop]
Monitor: Urk. [thud]
Nigil: Hah!  Oooh, my ribs...

Soon Skanda arrives and heals Tron and Nigil.  Meanwhile, the noise of
the fight has alerted the fishmen.  The corridor leading from this
room is soon blocked by fishmen with spears.  However, they seem
reluctant to attack.

Tron: Tell them to send out the king!

The king does not enter the chamber, but they have a shouted
conversation, with Blueblurb translating.

Tron: Show us to the surface!
King: Ok! Anything to get you out of here.

At that point they hear the sound of a girl crying out in Flan,
followed by a slap.

Nigil: Hey, they've got a woman here!
Desh: She says her name is "Dalma," and that she is concubine to the
king, and that they have put out her eyes.
Tron: Concubine? No way!  (checks to see if the fishmen have nads)
Aran: We cannot leave without her.
Skanda: I agree, we must rescue her.
Nigil: This just gets worse and worse...
Rhahid: If we could get the king into this room, I
could... persuade... him to help us.

Through Blueblurb, they communicate the idea that they must see the
king face to face to make a deal.

King: Ok, but you must send a hostage out here.
Tron: Send Desh. (snicker)
Tika: I'll go.
Nigil: Has she been taking lessons in suicidal behavior from Tron?

Tika leaves the room, and shortly a large fishman wearing crude
jewelry enters.

Rhahid: (casts Charm Person) My friend!
King: (Through Blueblurb) You guys are rad!
Rhahid: Great!  Why don't you send the gnome back here?  You trust us,
right?
King: Of course.

The fisman priest seems to be wise to the fact that his king has been
charmed, but remains silent. Tika rejoins the party.

Tika: Yup,they've got a girl back there. And they burned out her eyes
or something.

Rhahid: So, let us start out for the surface. Why don't you bring
your concubine along?
King: She would just be a distraction.
Rhahid: Sometimes it is good to have a distraction, if you know what I
mean.
Tron: (elbows the King suggestively and winks)
King: Hah-hah!  Of course!
Rhahid: And you could bring your royal treasury as well.
King: Hmmm, no, I will not need it.
Rhahid: But at least make sure you have your royal sword.
King: I always have that with me! (slaps a well-made shortsword of
dwarven manufacture hanging at his waist)

Dalma and Desh talk briefly, and then she is silent.

Priest: (waves goodbye to the players -- and his king)
Tron: I think he probably doesn't want his king to come back...

They set out and travel for several hours through twisting corridors,
all alike.  The king leads the way, occasionally chatting with Rhahid
through the intermediaries of Blueblurb and Tron.  Then the passage
ends in water.

Blueblurb: Here is very long swim. Very long. Sometimes... surface
dwellars die.
Nigil: Rhahid, how long does this spell last?
Rhahid: Oh, several hours.
Tron: Right, let's get across the water before we have to tie him up.

The characters abandon everything heavy.

Aran: My... my armor...[snif].

Skanda starts taking off her clothing.

Tron: Good idea!

Soon all of the characters except Nigil are wearing only loincloths.

Nigil: A nobleman of Keoland never goes around improperly clad!
Tron: So you'd rather drown properly clad?
Nigil: I can swim.

All but the most valuable and necessary stuff is left behind.

Nigil: Ok, let's see who can take what treasure... hey, we have a
potion of water breathing!
Norel: Give it to me.  I'll take the heavy stuff, like your magic
shield and Tika's magic armor.
Aran: We can chuck that Drow shortsword anyway, it would be no good on
the surface...

They are able to distribute almost all the treasure among the party.
Then, two by two, they are led into the dark waters...

Almost the entire party makes it across safely.

Aran: [hack cough] Almost... drowned...[barf]
Tron: Hey, what's with Skanda?
Rhahid: She had water in her lungs. I emptied it out, but she's not
breathing.
Aran: Let me. (lays on hands)
Skanda: (starts breathing, but stays unconscious)
Nigil: So now what do we do?  I'm wiped.
Norel: I say we make camp here.
Tron: No, I think we should move away from the water, so that when the
charm spell breaks the king can't just run -- errr, swim -- for it.
Rhahid: Why don't we just tie him up now?
Aran: I think we should press on.
Tika: Me too.

They talk for a long time.  In their condition of frustration and
exhaustion, it is difficult to have a coherent discussion.

Nigil: Did I ever tell you about my dog Tangent?
King: (makes a break for the water)
Tron: Not so fast! (tackles the king)
Norel: I got him! (tackles the king also)
Nigil: (grabs the king's leg and pins it behind his head)
Tron: (takes the king's sword)
Aran: Blueblurb, tell him to yield or die.

The king is soon tied up with the straps of his own armor.

Blueblurb: Hmmm... the king told me the way out earlier.  He said we
just go to the left from here.
Tron: We've heard that before.

Although tired beyond belief, they continue.  For hours they wander
through a maze of corridors.

Norel: What is that smell... sewage?

The passage ends in a hastily built brick wall.

Tron: Nooo! (hits the wall, which collapses, revealing a stinking
sewer of obvious human construction and use) Oh, ok.
Rhahid: Hey, I know where we are now.

Aran: Blueblurb, we release you.  You can go back to your people now.
Blueblurb: [snif]
Nigil: What about the king?
Tika: Just leave him.

Blueblurb heads down the corridor, leaving the king lying tied up in
the middle of the passage.

Norel: Fitting, somehow.

Aran: Rhahid, try to find us a manhole that's in a secluded spot.
Rhahid: I know of one in a courtyard. Nobody will be there.

He leads them to a massive stone manhole.  With a mighty heave, the
Norel lifts it off, and blinks in awe as the bright sunlight floods
the passage.  From above, they can hear the sound of human voices,
birds singing, and the barking of dogs.  Eagerly, they climb towards
the light...

In the city of Bellport, it was the last day of the Miner's Festival.
In a secluded courtyard, a troupe of traveling actors was performing
"The Most Bloody and Terrible Tragedy of the Borderlands", by Steadysword,
a play concerning events which had occured some months previously in a
nearby land.  The audience watches, fascinated, as the events of the play
build to a climax:

Enter Aranus, armed.

These traitor elves flout Hextor's pow'r,
yet have I slain their champion this hour.
Tronus shall never again threaten thee,
I have nailed his codlings to a tree.

Skandella:

He sought to have his way with my maiden charms!
Aranus, I would seek shelter in thine arms!

(They embrace)

Enter Hrothgarus:

By secret ways have I led the folk away,
Now, adieu, there's no reason to stay!

At that moment a manhole cover in front of the stage lifts up.

Desh: Torch... bright! (Stares into sun)
Aran: Don't look at it directly. (covers Desh's eyes)
Norel: Trees!
Nigil: It smells fresh.
Tika: It's so... blue.

Audience: Huh?
"Hrothgarus": Oh, wait, I didn't lead them all away... errr... go that
way, and, uhh, do not delay!
Stagehand: Psst!  Over here! (beckons)

The party, nearly naked, covered in filth, carrying only their
weapons, emerges to the baffled stare of the crowd.  They head
offstage, leaving the play to finish.

Burgher: What's that... that... smell?

Nigil: What day is it?
Stage Manager: Uhh, Freeday.  Listen, who are you guys?
Nigil: No, the month, dammit!
Stage Manager: It's the 28th of Goodmonth. Look... we're a couple
players short. Can you act?

The party has been underground for three weeks.

TO BE CONTINUED...