A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as
well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes
him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the
bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head
in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A
torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father,
shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another
drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop!
Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and
wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another
drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is
getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his
drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The
bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then
to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where
a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while
he was a head."
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs, using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.
#1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.