To all who care...prepare to hate me...yours and our secrets are about to be revealed

-Jason Sinkhorn (author)

~Relationship Reversal Monologue~

    Love...it's a many splendored pile of crappy contradictions.  Whoever said that they wanted it to be equal in a relationship was lying...men and women both.  Before you say this is a continuation of my last monologue...read it.  It's not.  Now, no one wants a one sided relationship where one person gives and gives the other takes and takes and the giver never gets back and the taker never gets the satisfaction of knowing humility and charity.  So now let's all settle down...nestle (whatever that means) by the fire and listen..or read...what your mate wants...but not to return.

    All of us have friends.  Some have more than others.  This doesn't mean anything.  Just that the few take most of your time.  But how many of all of our friends are of the opposite sex?  More than the other sometimes.  Now let's say a guy has a lot of female friends...pre-relationship.  They all have known each other for years without anything relationship related happening between them.  Now one day this guy gets a girlfriend who isn't part of the group and doesn't know the female friends or the situation of the friendship.  Now the guy is smart enough to tell her up front that he has a few female friends that are just that and never have and never will be anything more.  For some reason the girl...doesn't believe a damn word that he is saying.  He says "Honey, I have female friends that I have had since childhood.  I'm not asking you to like them or to hang out with them just to know that they are MY friends and I will still talk to them."  She hears-"Watch your back honey cause me and my whore friends might get a little freaky deaky-make the bed go squeaky squeaky-and you won't know anything cause I am saying this to cover my ass."  Obviously the male does not mean and is not thinking this.  Everytime the guy contacts a female friend-be it on the phone, or sees them while they are all hanging out-she'll comment in a subtle manner, "Well I bet YOU had fun with your "FRIENDS" today, didn't you?"  A few days later the female in the relationship admits that she has friends of the opposite sex...and expects her boyfriend to be okay with it.  She expects tons of trust and free time to a degree that isn't close to equal.  When the guy gets mad she calls him a jealous prick.  When in reality, ladies, he's just angry at the fact that he doesn't get the trust and respect you expect.  If you want something in a relationship...you'll have to give it back.  If you want intimacy, give it.  If you want trust, give it.  Get it.  Okay, moving on.

    How many of us hate to talk about our past.  It's not to hide things...we just don't like talking about it.  This next one is mainly a guy problem.  The past is past, or so the saying goes.  Why is it then that when a girl acutally gets the truth out of a guy...the whole truth about his past relationships she is able to accept it as long as he don't dwell and talk about it all the time.  But on the other page a girl will tell a guy her past and a few things go through his mind.  He feels dismayed.  He feels betrayed.  He feels less like a man.  Women it is your job to bring him back to you right after this.  Otherwise, it will become an obsession of sorts. He will always wonder why not just him.  What if you still feel something.  Oh and women...after you've talked about it once...don't keep talking about it.  And in no way...ever...EVER...compare him to the men of the past.  Even if it's something like "You're so much better at (insert thing or situation here) than he was."  You don't say this because his pride will quickly be replaced by wondering.  Then the moment is over and he is left thinking millions of things.  How good was he?  Why am I better?  Why did you do that with him...that's MY thing? (yes men do think this...if they say they don't they lie.)  After he thinks this...then he will start bringing up things.  You might as well just wait for an arguement.  And if you compare...like..."You're acting just like [name here}."  .....(awkward silence).........(more awkward silence)....{this is the part that now depends on the man's technique at handling things-he'll either be silent and quietly resent your ex, then you, then himself, then you again for making him resent him self -or- he might lash out and tell you things like "well if that's case maybe you should just leave me.  I bet you are the reason he turned into an @$$hole anyway, he probably used to be a nice guy too."}  I think we all see where this is going.  So to amend the saying from the beginning.  The past is past...unless you keep digging it up...then it becomes the present.  So just don't.  That means you guys.  and girls both.  

    The next two points are sort of one in the same.  Knowing limits on flirting and "marking territory" aka making your coupleship known.  Now I've seen this as mostly a woman problem in the past but guys may do it too.  We all trust ourselves and know our emotions and the meaning of our actions...but sometimes our significant others don't know them.  A girl may be a self admitted flirt.  Good for you.  This don't make her a whore.  Guys don't like to know that their woman is flirting with other guys...but we still want to flirt with other girls.  Truth is we all flirt.  We do.  Admit it.  Accept it.  But what are our limits.  Flirting can be defined as a innuendo type comment all the way to the other end of the spectrum with i don't know...hootchie dancing with someone else.  The only thing extreme flirting is is flirting with disaster.  Okay now marking territory...not like dogs.  Although guys I don't think you'd have to worry about your girl getting other girls if you "marked" her like dogs do.  The pee pee princess of the clubs.    But seriously.  If you are engaged, you've marked it.  But why is it that women want people to know they are engaged, but not who they are engaged to?  I mean like you show up at a club ten minutes after your fiance and she don't want you to hang on her or kiss her or hug her because she don't want to be the obvious couple or don't want you to mark her.  Like she wants to leave her self open to let other guys have a try at getting past the ring...now..the other things on here I won't express a strong opinion to.  But this I will...Ladies...that is BULL-friggin-CRAP.  You want that expensive ring on your finger you better be representing...if you know what I mean.  If you think that we are going to let other guys think they have a chance.  We are not making you our property...Did you ever stop to think that we are proud of you.  Proud to have you.  We are.  But why is it that when we go out we have to pretend we are celibate married guys who want to be priests..or just pretend to be gay...one in the same:)  Sometimes just an evening at another one of our friends (guy friend) house turns into a possible opening for a woman to try to weasel our way in.  Newsflash...this don't happen as often as you ladies think...and besides..if you can't tell yet...Guys don't like to share.  Period.  Once again...expensive ring...identifies couplehood...be proud of us we're proud of you...if you don't want to be known as a couple with a person...DON'T SAY YES!!!!  Okay...moving on.  

    Now...enough complaining.  Now just facts and advice.  Love...what the blankety-blank is it.  Who knows.  But I can tell you some sub points to it.  Respect, trust, compassion, intimacy, and humor coupled with seriousness.  Most men will tell you that respect is the most important thing.  Call us chauvinist...it's not.  It's natural.  Males...in all species...want respect.  We do.  Women want trust.  Intimacy...IT'S NOT A WEAPON!! On either side...it's not...that is wrong.  It should be something that is shared...not given or taken...shared and meaningful.  If intimacy was a weapon...wait you know what...those of you who use intimacy as a weapon...You are relationship terrorists...you are..bedroom hi-jackers.  If intimacy was a weapon we would've put it out there in the war on terrorism.  Osama would've been sending us flowers right now and apologizing because his balls would be blue by now.  Honestly.  You know what.  It's your relationship.  Go screw it up as you see fit.  But don't come crying to me when you all screw it up...I warned ya.