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By:
Jason Sinkhorn
On the last day of December in a middle sized
town called Julandville, a man whose legal name was Flamin' Pete,
decided to open a brand new, extremely large and extensive outlet
mall. He would sale all the greatest brands at low prices and
would carry items most places wouldn't. F.P. took all the
money, which he had saved up, which only amounted to enough to buy a
pack of bubble gum, and went to the store. He bought a pack of
bubble gum with it. The End (or keep reading for the
"alternate ending")
After he had bought the gum, he went to
Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III's estate. He rang
the doorbell, which sounded like a cat being beat upside a giant
barge in the middle of the Mediterranean. A man dressed in a
butler uniform answered the door. F.P. pushed his way through
the butler and ran as fast as he could upstairs to Mr. Thomas
Janrith Sextonite Florosome III's sitting room. When he
arrived there, Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III was using
the john. He sat and waited. He waited for twenty three
and two thirds minutes and finally Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite
Florosome III emerged from the bathroom. F.P. went up to
him.
"Hello," he said politely ", Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite
Florosome III. I have a proposition for you."
"Yes,
what is it?" Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III answered
back in a tone that can only be described as blah-ish.
"Here have
some bubble gum." F.P. offered, "I am wanting to start an outlet
mall in our lovely town and I was wondering-"
Just then Mr.
Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III pulled a piece of paper out
of his jacket. It was his last will and testament paper.
He used white out on the whole thing and wrote down F.P.'s name
(even though F.P. hadn't told him his name, Mr. Thomas Janrith
Sextonite Florosome III was psychic). He put all of his money
and estate into F.P.'s name. Then he told F.P. that he was the
only person in his entire life that had offered him a piece of
bubble gum. Then Mr. Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III fell to
the floor and died. You see the reason no one had offered Mr.
Thomas Janrith Sextonite Florosome III and bubble gum was because he
had severe diabetes and any small amount of sugar would set his
limit fatally high. So anyway, he died. F.P. soon
inherited all of the estate and money and decided to go along with
his plan to build the outlet mall.
During construction of
the outlet mall, someone came up to him and asked what he would call
it. He thought for a minute. He wanted a name that paid
tribute to his late "friend" but also one that would tell what the
complex would contain. |
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