Just the other day I went into a local restaurant. I ordered the buffet, but that doesn’t matter. What really matters is the fact that I drank four glasses of Mountain Dew. I don’t know if you have ever done the math but that’s about a pitcher or so by myself. Well, I won’t go into to many details, but honest to Pete I had to go pee…and not a little. Know what I mean. Four! Four Mountain Dews…come on. So anyway, I politely excused myself from the table by standing and saying “I believe that I have to go pee. So I’m going. Be right back.” Well I made the short walk to the restroom. When I got there I noticed two things.
Number one-It was the kind of restroom where if
anyone walked in when someone else was using the urinal he was pretty much
exposed to ninety percent of the dining public. It would be like:
“Pass the rolls and oh my lord what’s that?”
“Well honey I believe it is a well endowed
gentleman relieving himself, here’s the rolls.”
Now honestly why in the world do
people do that? Are they to dumb to
figure out simple angles and line of sight?
Someone needs to put the architect and contractor in the restroom and
just laugh at them.
Number Two- I get in the restroom
and walk up to the urinal. I prepare
and then stop suddenly. It was one of
those automatic flushing urinals. It
has this “sensor” that detects a person and then flushes when they are
done. Okay…no. Here’s what I think. They have this blinking light by the sensor
to let you know it detected you. Think
about it folks. What else has a
blinking light by a lens…I mean sensor.
That’s right a camera. How do we
know that this isn’t some sick easy way of installing hidden winky
cameras? It’s so easy. The light, the sensor screen, it knows when
you’re done. How does it know? Because the pervert who installed it has
hired “operators” who remotely flush it from an undisclosed location. I know this sounds far fetched but so does
the fact that you’ve read this far. And
you know what else. To make matters
even more awkward, and I’m not joking here, the brand name of this modern
miracle was “First Impressions.” Okay
now good lord, how obvious does it have to be?
I’m not putting myself down, but I don’t want someone’s first impression
of me being my winky tink tink hanging out and taking a five minute relief
session after four Mountain Dews.
You know what, I’ll leave it up to
you. If you want to potty on camera go
for it. As for me however, I’ll hold it
until I get home, where I know where the cameras have been placed.