"FOR SHAMPOO"!!!
by mr secret on 93/99/90,857
hello my fellow freedom fighters, i never thought id see you again, i been through a very scary ordeal in which ill tell you all about and is the reason why im telling you to WATCH OUT!!!!!!! for shampoo,
i never had a problem with shampoo up until two weeks ago, a day after my last post in fact when i was taking the shower and the very instant that i started to wash my hair with a certain brand of shampoo that i am not convinced is processed by the government, two secret agents came into my bathroom with guns saying, "WHERES THE MONEY?!?!?!?!" which i knew was secret government code for, "WE ARE THE GOVERNMENT AND WE CAN JUST BURST IN ON YOU WHILE YOUR IN THE SHOWER AND SCARE YOU BECAUSE WE ARE EVIL LIKE THAT AND YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DEAL WITH IT AND IF YOU DONT DEAL WITH IT WE WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR DOG POOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i said "NOOO!! GO AWAY GOVERMENT!!!!!!" and started kicking them, the agents, one of them who was dressed in black and wearing some sort of mask that had holes for eyes and a hole for the mouth, and the other guy was wearing some sort of leggings on his head that was a light brown color that i think i seen women wear on their legs but i could be mistaken, i dont know why they were wearing these weird things, probably to scare me, but your good friend mr secret doesnt scare easily, no sir,
i stood up to these agents, but they used their gun and put a bullet in my foot, i fell to the floor, cause my feet were also wet from the shower and the shampoo on my head started to drip down, and the guy with the leggings on his head grabbed me and pulled me out of my bathroom,
i should also state that because i know these people are constantly watching me i am never in the nude, i shower in a tank top and swim trunks,
they dragged me outside and threw me in their goverment vehicle, in this case a white gmc van that looked very rusty, the guy with the leggings told me he knew i had millions hidden somewhere in my house, i told him he cant brainwash me to follow them like mindless slaves, and the guy proceeded to hit me repeated with the gun until they put some sleeping spell on me and i fell asleep,
i woke up and it was completely dark and i was moving, in the van i think, i kept asking "WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?!?!?!?! WHY???? DID THAT ASHTON KUTCHER PUNK'D ME?!?!?!?!?!?!" but i didn't gey any sort of answer, after about 5 minutes, the vehicle stopped and i heard a door open and i was pulled out, dragged into some building, then it was revealed that i was blindfolded, so i can't tell you where their secret government workshop is located,
they tied me to a chair, some of their 'shampoo' on my head, and they put a tv in front of me, i said "NOOOOOO!!! I SAW A CLOCKWORK ORANGE!!!!!" and the guy with the leggings said 'no were not showing that to you' and he proceeded to put on a movie called 'from justin to kelly' where these two people named justin and kelly go to some beach and dance and sing horrible songs,
boy these government brainwashing videos are just brutal,
well, after this 'movie' was over, the guy asked me, 'so where's the money? you know my partner is at your house tearing it apart looking for it, lets make it easier on you and him and me by telling me where it is' I said "SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!"
then proceeded to sing my favorite song 'zombie' by the cranberries and the guy put on the 'movie' again but i fought the brainwashing powers by continuing to sing, the leggings guy got frustrated and put tape over my mouth but i kept humming it
then i heard something ring and the leggings man pulled out one of those government devices they called 'a cell phone' and say 'did you find it?' he paused for a moment, looked at me, said 'oh shit!!! you mean we got the wrong guy????????" then he looked at me and said 'your name isnt bill gates?'
i said 'NOOO!!!!!!! I KNOW THIS GATES YOUR TALKING ABOUT!!!! HES ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO CONTROLS THE GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!!!!' and the guy went back to his 'phone' and said, 'no, this guy is off his rocker' which is code for 'a super smart dude who will not give into the government pigs!!!'
so leggings man untied me and i started to run, leggings man called out to me but i didnt stop, if they were going to shoot me i was going to let them, but they didnt,
and i spent the last five days trying to get back home cause i had no idea where i was, i kept asking people if they were government agents and if they werent to help me get home, but people kept looking at me oddly and ran the other way, i cant believe all the government agents there are out there,
i finally found my home, which was in pretty bad shape, i took everything out to my backyard and burnt it in case they put any 'bugs' on anything i owned so they cant track me and i had to find more stuff that wasnt made by the government, and yes one of the things i burnt was the shampoo i was using,
so folks, dont use shampoo or else what happened to me is gonna happen to you,
until next week, i hope, fellow freedom fighters!!!!!!!!!!!