 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Standford's Mountain, Bitch!!! |
 |
| Pilot/Episode 1: Welcome to My Mountain, Bitch!!! |
| Standford is standing on "The Mountain" when Melvin enters. |
|
| Melvin |
| Hi, I'm Melvin. I'm a geeky but tough kid who was raised on the wrong side of the tracks, but I am extremely good looking despite all that. |
| Standford |
| Well, welcome to "The Mountain", bitch!! I'm Standford, the pompous stuck up rich kid who hates geeky but tough kids who were raised on the wrong side of the tracks and is extremely good looking. I, too, am good looking so female audiences can't make up their mind which one of us they'd rather do. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| I'm new here to "The Mountain" because my life is too tough on the wrong side of the tracks and I'm forced to live with my Uncle Gene and Aunt Trixie. |
|
|
| Standford |
| Gene and Trixie? That's my father and stepmother. I am their son, which makes you my cousin! |
|
|
| Melvin |
| Where is your real mother? |
|
|
| Standford |
| She divorced Dad three years ago because he was going through a mid-life crisis and wanted a younger wife, which he found in Trixie. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| How old's your mom? |
|
|
| Standford |
| 35. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| And Trixie? |
|
|
| Standford |
| 30. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| And you are? |
|
| 25. |
|
| Standford |
|
|
| Melvin |
| Your mom had you when she was ten? |
|
| Standford picks up Melvin by the front of his shirt. |
|
|
| Standford |
| I don't like geeks! Especially math geeks!!!! |
|
| Constance, Standford's girlfriend, enters. |
|
| Constance |
| Are you beating up another helpless geek again, Standford? |
|
|
| Standford |
| No, Constance, I'm just welcoming my Cousin Melvin to "The Mountain", bitch!! |
|
|
| Constance |
| Ohh...so you're new here, huh? |
|
|
| Melvin |
| Yes. |
|
|
| Constance |
| I immedately like you without knowing anything about you and knowing full well that Standford had a crush on me since the 6th grade and we are sort of dating. Let's go out. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| Ok. |
|
| Gene and Trixie enter. |
|
| Gene |
| Hi, Melvin! |
|
| Trixie |
| Ohh, you're Melvin! You are SO cute! |
|
|
| Constance |
| Lay off, bitch, I saw him first!!! |
|
|
| Standford |
| Trixie! Constance! No fighting on "The Mountain", bitch!! |
|
|
| Trixie |
| But it's the only way to attract male viewers by having two hot women who look like supermodels fight in each episode. |
|
|
| Constance |
| And gives them a chance to see us in our underwear. |
|
|
| Gene |
| This is true. Melvin, if you cause any trouble here, I will have to send you back. |
|
|
| Standford |
| Yes because this is "The Mountain", bitch!! |
|
|
| Constance |
| Come on Melvin, let's go to my room where we will flirt with each other for 9 minutes and are about to kiss when Trixie walks in and we have a pillow fight. |
|
|
| Melvin |
| I think I'm going to like being on "The Mountain". |
|
|
| Gene |
| And I'm going to have wild sex with Trixie, but wonder if I can date any of Constance's 18-year-old friends. |
|
|
| Trixie |
| And I'll pretend that it's Melvin on top of me instead of an old 45-year-old guy with a creepy mustache. |
|
 |
| Billy Goat |
| Everybody but Standford leaves. A billy goat enters. |
|
| Nneeeeee..... |
|
|
| Standford |
| Welcome to "The Mountain", billy goat bitch!! |
| The End Created and Written by: Jason Soto |