*** I ran my fingers through my hair slowly. I watched myself in the mirror then glanced over at my window. It was so big and beautiful. It lead to my large balcony that Jesse and I made into our club house when we we�re kids. �God I miss Jessie,� I said aloud, �I miss him so much.� *Journal* Today my mother, (whom I am now referring to as Janice) told me we�re leaving Friday. Janice told me to begin packing my things. I told her to go fuck herself. I know it took all her might not to slap my across the face for that comment, because I saw her hand flinch. I think she�s too afraid to hit me, I think she thinks I�ll either kick her ass or it�ll drive me to the edge. It�s one or the other. It�s been 6 days since Justin died. I wish I would�ve known. I wish maybe I could be there to tell him- �I know man, I know.� But, I couldn�t. I couldn�t tell him that he and I could be together and understand each other. It�s been a year since Jesse died, to this day. I think that�s why Janice is so afraid of my illness because it can strike at any moment. I think I�ve been pretty calm considering the fact Justin killed himself. I mean damn, all I did was punch my mirror. Rest In Peace: Justin R. Timberlake Rest In Peace: Jessie M. White ** Chris sat and watched Justin�s journal that sit in his hands as Cordelia clinched his arm tightly. She knew Chris was in desperate need of someone and she knew she was the one to give it to him. He looked over at her. �I don�t understand why we�re reading this.� Chris shook his head. �You want answers and the person that can give you those answers is Justin.� Cordelia said. Journal I saw this fan today. She was a different fan. Something about her�. She had this different glow about her. I wanted to go talk to her because she was so excited but for reason I couldn�t. She told her friend that she couldn�t believe her dream of meeting us finally coming true. Her name was Amber, I heard her friend call her that. I felt terrible and I still do because they made us leave and I never got to meet her. I guess I was so intrigued by her because she popped and Prozac pill in her mouth. I sat down with JC today and I was going to tell him, you know, that I was mentally ill, but he just kept talking about his problems and I felt I wouldn�t be a good friend if I shoved it on him while he was having such a hard time with Jazelle. Man, Jazelle fucking pisses me off. I love Nina and Cordelia but Jazelle, she�s a bitch. She treats JC like shit. I know that Anjel doesn�t always treat me good but at least I know she�ll always be with me. When we went through that period of time when we had NO money Jazelle told JC they needed time apart, and that she needed time to think. Anjel did everything in her power to support me and be there for me as well as Nina and Cordelia did for Lance and Chris. As soon as we started to get back on our feet she came crawling back to him. JC of course thought with that damn dick of his and not his brain. When I commented about it he bit my head off so I just pretend to like her now. I feel like maybe his and my friendship is changing because of her�.and it breaks my heart, but I love JC�I love him so much, more than I should. Justin R. Timberlake ** �Are you ready Amber?� Janice yelled at me. �Yes,� I rolled my eyes and got up from my bed. Janice wanted me, her, and my father to go to counseling. I told her she�s going to waste her money because I just wasn�t going to open up to her or any asshole that didn�t even know me. �You look very pretty today Am.� Janice told me as I walked down the stairs. �Whatever Janice.� I said coldly. �Amber, why do you insist on calling me Janice.� She said with a let down voice. �Because you lost the respect of the name mother.� I could tell that really hurt her feelings, but at this point I really didn�t care. The ride there was quiet. Janice watched out the window as did I, and my dad watched the road. I loved my dad, although yes sometimes I wanted to kill him he was a great person through this whole thing. He minded his own business, he even asked Janice to re-think the whole me going away thing. Janice was too stubborn though, when she says something, she doesn�t go back on her word. We walked into the councilors room and she discussed things with Janice and my father then asked them to leave the room. She sat me down in a huge leather chair and watched me for a minute. She made feel very nervous, as though she was searching deep into me to dig out all the answers she was looking for. Finally she spoke up. �Why does Justin remind you of Jesse?�
